Perfectionism in Marriage

Photo by Sharon Lane

Perfectionism. Rearing its ugly head again. (Or maybe it never really went away.) My husband keeps pointing out that my expectations are too high. I blame perfectionism. I blame myself. Perfectionism is part of my struggle of living.

I want to be a good wife. I want to be a godly wife. I try. Really, I do. Or maybe I don't, not hard enough. Regardless, I fall short, like way short. I get irritable. I lose my temper. I fail to keep the right groceries on hand. I miscommunicate. I misunderstand. I say mean things. I am a very fallen human being.

My husband points out that my expectations affect him, too. I don't mean them to, but they do. I get frustrated when he does not do what I expect him to do. I find myself irritated when he does not do things my way, or on my schedule. I'm not consciously forcing my perfectionist ideals on him, but they affect him nonetheless.

I have perfectionist ideas about marriage, too. We have a good marriage, I think, but I worry when we fight, when we get off. My education and career provide me with a lot of knowledge about what we should be doing, but there again, we are human, and it does not always happen. When things are hard, I can worry, and that does nothing good for either my husband or I.

I am not on the receiving end of living with a perfectionist spouse. That is my husband. I can tell you that as a struggling perfectionist, though, I benefit from a lot of grace. I benefit from gentle reminders about reality. I benefit from an understanding husband who knows that when I get bent out of shape, it is likely mostly about me, and less about him. Will I ever recover? No, probably not. At least not according to perfectionist standards. By God's grace, though, I hope I will keep growing. I hope we will keep growing, for God's honor and glory. Amen!