Living with Intention

I tried to tune into my intuition for quite some time. Then it stopped working for me so well. I needed something else, but not a program or a policy. Rather, I needed a habit, or a series of habits: something to help me stay grounded and focus on what matters, but nothing too restrictive. What I stumbled into was living with intention.

My life is very harried and busy right now. It's hard to even get to the basics sometimes. In a perfect world, I could tune in to what I wanted for dinner each night, run to the grocery store, pick up ingredients, and come home and leisurely cook. But I'm married. I work ten hours days. I commute. That just isn't going to happen. So I meal prep. That ensures that we have food, like it intuitively or not.

Deciding what I want to do for exercise each day is a lovely idea, but races require training. That's why I use training plans. Sure, I can take rest days, or go slower or faster on days I feel like it, but the plans keep me on track overall.

I'd love to say I want to read my Bible and pray every day, but the truth is, I'm a sinner and I don't always want to. I do daily devotions as a habit because I know it's good for me.

Some people in the intuitive living sphere criticize calorie and macro counting because it's based on the system, not the self. I get it. With running, though, it can help to track these things, at least loosely. Endurance requires intentional effort towards nutrition.

I have a FitBit watch. It does buzz when I haven't gotten in my 250 steps for the hour. Do I always obey it? No. It does help me stay more active, and therefore have less bodily pain.

I could ask all day long what I need and want, but right now, I don't have the brain space for that. So I have intentions: intentions for meals, intentions for exercise, intuitions for habits. I even have lists of intentions for how I plan to show love to my husband. Intentions are my plans for making the best of this life I have. Maybe this is not best way, but for now, it's the best way I have.

Why I'm Less Into Intuitive Living These Days

I was really into intuitive living for a while: intuitive eating, intuitive exercise, etc. It was a good phase. It was a phase of questioning the world's messages and getting to know myself better. It helped me clarify my values. I'm less into it now, though. It's just not working for me.

Life is too busy right now to truly tap into intuition. I just need to have a plan and go. While it might be good to pause and check in with myself, asking what I really want here and now can lead to decision fatigue. Habits and routines are serving me better.

I am also thinking more about sin, and how my nature is inherently fallen. Do I really want to listen to my intuition, if my intuition is fallen? Opposing those who believe humans always know what is best for themselves, John Koessler (2003) writes, "We don’t always know what is good for us. Following our natural desires may move us further away from spiritual maturity rather than closer to it” (p. 123). If my life is about living for Jesus, living for myself, I want to be about maturity, and that might mean less intuition.

I do still try to listen to my body when it tells me it is sick, hungry, or tired. As Jess Connolly (2022) says, "This is a good body," in that God made it. God designed our bodies to work well. He designed people to understand their bodies and care for them. There are still some vestiges of that good left. Sometimes I get to honor what my body tells me. Sometimes I have to push through. It's called life.

I tend to do things in extremes. I was disciplined to my detriment, and then I was probably more navel-gazing than needed. I hope I am a little more realistic these days, about what I can and can't do, and about who I am as a sinner being sanctified by my Savior. I am less into intuitive living as a lifestyle, but maybe, just maybe, I'm getting closer to just living the life I have. For me, that would be a win.

References:

Connolly, J. [@breakingfreefrombodyshame]. (2022, July 29). Know what is the one thing that can still send me into a shame spiral? [Instagram photograph]. Retrieved from https://www.instagram.com/p/CgmnrleL9Qj/?hl=en.

Koessler, J. (2003). True discipleship: The art of following Jesus. Moody Publishers.

Prioritization: The Grief of Giving Up

My heart filled with sorrow as I drove to the grocery store, and anger. No, no one had died. No one had even gotten hurt. I just wasn't getting to do what I wanted. I wasn't getting to do what I wanted how I wanted. I was prioritizing and I believed that I was putting the most important things first, but I didn't like it. I didn't like it at all.

My husband told me the night before that I needed to give some things up. Everything wasn't a priority. He wasn't wrong. I had told him my plate was too full, and his reply was that I needed to take some things off of it. A logical answer. But I didn't want it.

There is grief in giving things up, even if that's what I need to do. I don't think anyone ever told me that when they taught me about prioritizing. They said to do the important things. They made it sound easy to give up the "unimportant" things. They didn't tell me that I'd be attached to those things, that I'd want them almost as much, or more as I wanted the "important things." That I'd grieve.

So there I sat in my car, alternately sad and angry. Sad because I was giving things up. Angry because I didn't want to. Judging myself for getting so bent out of shape for such "little things." But that's life for you. It's never as easy as "they" make it out to be. It's hard. It's filled with grief, little "g" grief and big "G" Grief. And grief has to co-exist with priorities. I'm just now learning that.

Healthy Red Velvet Overnight Oatmeal

It's been a long time since I posted an oatmeal recipe. I know! I still eat it almost every day. I just don't experiment as much, hence no new recipes to post. This time, though, I have something for you: a way to get in your fruits, veggies, carbs, and protein all in one. Feel free to portion this recipe to meet your needs.

Ingredients:

1 c water
1 fresh beet
1 c unsweetened applesauce
1 c rolled oats
4 T cocoa powder
2 t cinnamon
4 scoops protein powder* 

*I use the plant protein powder from Winco and each scoop is about 3 T.

Directions:

1. Pierce the beet. Place it in a bowl and cover it gently. Microwave 5-10 minutes, or until done. Let cool slightly.
2. Place the beet and 1 c water in a high powered blender and blend until smooth.
3. Mix together the remaining ingredients and divide portions based on your needs.
4. Refrigerate overnight.
5. Top with vanilla Greek yogurt, if desired for a true red velvet experience.

This recipe was inspired by Flora and Vino's red velvet overnight oats with raspberry puree and Rise and Run's red velvet superhero muffins.

100 Books

Last year, my bestie read 100 books and posted about it. I thought to myself, I'd like to do that someday. I thought maybe I'd try to read more this year, but then I realized that if I read about two books a week, I could make 100. Game on! Lo and behold, I did make it, and even earlier than I expected! More on the actual process later, but for now, here are some of my top picks from the books I've read so far.

Christian Literature:

That Sounds Fun: The Joys of Being an Amateur, The Power of Falling in Love, and Why You Need a Hobby by Annie F. Downs—This was such a fun book to read—seriously! In it, Downs chronicles her own search for fun, for a return to Eden, as she calls it. She writes of her own personal struggles with PCOS, allergies, a puppy, getting quarantined due to the pandemic, loving and losing, AND finding joy amidst it all. Reading feels like talking to a familiar friend, and readers come away, refreshed, encouraged, ready to sink in, slow down, and live life more fully because—that sounds fun!

I Guess I Haven't Learned That Yet: Discovering New Ways of Living When the Old Ways Stop Working by Shauna Niequist—This is perhaps the most raw writing yet from Shauna Niequist. She shares of personal pain (without getting too personal) and how she is learning to befriend it for perhaps the first time in her life. She writes of home and friendship and faith and how she is learning and relearning them. She shares about the glimmers of hope and joy she continues to look for and seek, even amidst a dark season of life. She describes practices like painting that she is learning to do for her healing, not for productivity. She writes of therapy and marriage and church. Each chapter is a story in and of itself, but the book is a story, too, a story of growth and aging and humility and healing. Post COVID-19 pandemic, I can’t think of a much better book to read.

Work Matters: Connecting Sunday Worship to Monday Work by Tom Nelson—This is one of the best books I have read about work in a long time! Refusing to divorce sacred from secular, Nelson suggests that all work done by Christians can glorify God and benefit human flourishing as a common grace. Work is a place of discipleship and transformation. With a prayer and questions at the end of each chapter, this book could make for a great group study. It is comprehensive, too, even covering things like temptation and unemployment. Not hard to read, but challenging in its content, I think this is a book for every believer, seriously, because the work of every believer matters!

Cooking

Rise and Run: Recipes, Rituals and Runs to Fuel Your Day: A Cookbook by Elyse Kopecky and Shalane Flanagan—Health forward without being diet-y, this is a truly great cookbook, and beautiful, too! (More so in real life—spoiler alert, I bought it.) Written by a college runner and professional marathoner who are friends, this cookbook includes information about prehab, mindset, and even contains a full marathon training plan. There are lots of superhero muffin recipes (a signature recipe from the authors), along with tons of other great recipes that could multipurpose for anytime-of-the-day meals. Yes, the recipes use ingredients like almond flour and coconut flour, but they also use butter and plenty of fat. The goal of the authors is to fuel training, not fund diet culture. Not every recipe has a photo, but many do, and the cookbook truly has a beautiful layout, as well as an ample index. As hinted, I bought this cookbook, and when it arrived in person, it was larger and even more beautiful than expected. This one is going to be worth the purchase, I think, and judging from the fact that this book once again made the bestseller list, I think many others agree!

Running

80/20 Running: Run Stronger and Race Faster By Training Slower by Matt Fitzgerald—Balancing story, science, and specific application, this is a book for recreational runners ready to get more serious. Technically, anyone could read it, but I think those who have run for a while and want to get better could benefit most. In the book, Fitzgerald shares the science behind 80/20 running (80% easy, 20% hard), people who have benefitted from it, and even, how to apply it. I think I would need the book, as well as a heart monitor, and/or coach to truly apply 80/20 principles, but this book did convince me of the detriments of constant moderate running, and motivated me to move towards more polarized training.

Self-help

Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find - and Keep - Love by Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller—Probably the most insightful book I have read about relationships yet, this book covers the many facets of adult attachment and how they play out in partnered relationships. Written by two Israeli-Americans, a psychiatrist and a therapist, this book shared research is understandable and applicable ways. The authors state that humans are biologically wired for attachment, and “dependency is a fact; it is not a choice or a preference." The authors clearly define secure and insecure (anxious and avoidant) attachment types and give case studies on how these dynamics play out. From this book, I learned that anxious types engage in protest behaviors when attachment feels threatened, while avoidant types engage in disengagement strategies when closeness feels threatening. Ironically, anxious and avoidant types often get together, wreaking havoc in the long run, if couples do not work on their dynamics. Thankfully, “attachment styles are stable, but plastic.” The authors provide ways to both assess and address insecurity through self-assessment, self-reflection, and then effective communication with one’s partner. Knowing oneself and communicating needs for connection or space can do wonders at quieting protest or detachment behaviors. “Remain true to your authentic self,” the authors conclude. “Playing games will only distance you from your goal of finding true happiness.” Every person will be attached. The questions are to whom, and how that will happen.

Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily Nagoski PhD and Amelia Nagoski DMA—This was a good book, except, that it is highly political. The authors state their feminist, anti-patriarchy agenda several times, and it really permeates the whole book. I think that’s what they intended, but it definitely detracts from the message. The message is that connection can keep women from burning out. Connection to their bodies through completing the stress cycle and resting (42% of the time!) helps connect women to themselves. Connection to meaning gives life purpose. Connection to others reduces isolation and loneliness. I applaud the authors for wanting to empower readers. I just wish they were selling the empowerment message without so much of the agenda.

Rest: Why You Get More Done When You Work Less by Alex Soojung-Kim Pang—Part science, part historical survey, this book is about rest and why it is good for us, and probably not for the reasons readers think. The author writes a lot about the idea of active rest, that is resting through taking breaks, walking, exercising, and engaging in what he calls “deep play.” The author asserts that work and rest are not opposites, and in fact, the best work happens when people intentionally rest. The author gives examples of how rest has paid off, from Darwin to Bill Gates to the writer of the hit musical Hamilton. Less of a how-to and more of a “why-to” book, this is an engaging read that really does make a case for the value of rest. Now to get some!

Theology

The Reason for God: Belief in an Age of Skepticism by Timothy Keller—This is truly a great book! In it, Keller reasons that there is a God. People inherently know it, but they end up disbelieving. Disbelief in God is a leap of faith, too. A well-researched, good read for Christians and non-Christians alike, Keller argues that the answer is not to abandon God, but to have a more biblical, Christlike faith. Amen!

9 Common Lies Christians Believe And Why God’s Truth is Infinitely Better by Shane Pruitt—This is truly one of the best Christian books I have read in a long time! Besides debunking trite Christian sayings, Pruitt dismantles heresies like the prosperity gospel, addresses cultural issues, and teaches theological truths. The book holds interest as it weaves in stories from Pruitt’s personal life and occasionally, a little sarcastic humor reminiscent of Bob Goff. With questions that follow each chapter, this could also make for a great individual or group study.

Real Life Marriage: When Loving Means Letting Go

There's something to the Golden Rule that we should do unto others as we would have them do unto us (Matthew 7:12). The only thing is, showing love is not a matter of just doing for them what we want done for us. I wrote about that recently. Well, I'm still learning a lot about love, and that learning process is not looking exactly like I expected.

I thought that I needed to love my husband how he wanted to be loved. I do need to work at that. I need to always keep working at that. In trying to be attentive to his needs, though, I realized something: loving him often means letting go. I have to let go of what I think love means. I have to let go of my own standards of love. I have to let go of things that are important to me, but may not matter to him (because what's good for me and what says love to me are not the same for him). Sacrificial love is an emptying of my own desires and expectations.

In some ways, loving my husband also means letting him go. It means trusting that he knows himself best and can take care of himself when he says he wants to do things his way. It means letting him do things that he deems good for him, even if those things cause me some discomfort. It means letting him be himself, because I married him to spend my life with him, not make a clone of myself.

Letting go does not mean letting our marriage go, though. In fact, I think that letting go can enrich our marriage. It can build respect. It can built trust. It can build appreciation of our differences. It is just difficult to do.

I promised in my wedding vows to always choose my husband. I promised in my wedding vows to always love my husband. I never dreamed that loving would include letting go, or that letting go would be so painful, though. But hey, who ever said love would be easy?

I Need Purpose.

I need purpose. I think I always have. It has just become more prominent recently. I think it's supposed to be this way.

I enjoy running most when I have a training plan. Whether that plan is building a base or training for a race, it gives me a greater purpose. It helps me run less junk miles, rest when I need to, and push when the plan says to work. It keeps me ready for the next thing.

I like lists. Yes, I do struggle with getting too attached to my measures of productivity, but they also give me purpose. They remind me of what I need to do, and help me celebrate when I accomplish it.

I like working with a purpose. Yes, this makes my work harder, but my heart is also in it. I've had jobs that just got me by, and that is what they did. Believing that my work has a greater impact than me helps it matter more, and helps me work at it more.

I do need rest. Diversion is good, for a little bit. Going with the flow is fun, but only until it isn't. I do like spontaneity, but it has to fall within the scheme of a larger purpose. As J. Oswald Chambers (2007) writes in his book, Spiritual Discipleship, "There is a place for recreation in the life of the disciple: A good test of the validity of our recreation would be this: Will it make me a better and healthier servant and a more effective winner of men?" (p. 121). If rest makes me better, great! If it relieves and releases me for a time so I can come back stronger and more on fire for my purpose, perfect! If I am just endlessly scrolling social media trying to get my head straight, bad. I am losing purpose.

God didn't put people on earth for no reason. In fact, he created man with purpose, to glorify Him. J. Oswald Sanders writes that discipleship is “Learning with the purpose to obey what is learned…a deliberate choice, a definite denial, and a determined obedience” (p. 8). How the world would change if all of us as Christians live this way. How things could change if I lived more and more this way!

I need purpose. I was created to live with purpose. May God continue to show it to me, and may I follow in that way.

Reference:

Sanders, J.O. (2007). Spiritual discipleship: Principles of following Christ for every believer. Moody Publishers.

Another One

Another one, and another one; one more personal, and one more public. Pastors resigning because of inconsistencies in their faith walks. I'm not here to excuse their behavior, nor am I here to judge them. I'm here to say that pastors are people, too. We should pray for them.

Scripture says that pastors are held to a higher standard (James 3:1). Elders are to be "above reproach" (1 Timothy 3:1). There's good precedent for having a plurality of elders at a church. As the saying goes, "power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely," so it is best that no man has full say over a church. Plurality of elders assures accountability. It also means that if one falls, the church remains strong. Many churches practice these things and still, it would seem that pastors are more and more falling from grace. Or are they?

With the increasing connectivity of social media, pastors have more and more opportunities for outreach, more and more scrutiny, and more and more opportunities for sin. Pastors could abstain from social media, but I am not sure that would fix the problem. Pastors are sinners just like the rest of it. Maybe we're just seeing it more with the increased visibility that social media brings.

That brings me to my point again: pastors are people, too. Yes, we should hold them to high account. Yes, we should encourage them to live faithful lives. When they sin, though, we should confront them with love, grace, and support, not ostracize them. As my wise uncle once told me, the church is supposed to be a hospital, not a showcase. It's a hospital for the greatest among us (whether in influence, wealth, power, or something else), and the least among us. Can we give pastors the same grace that we give regular parishioners? Can we give pastors the grace that Jesus gave us when he forgave ALL our sin?

Another one, and another one. And I am another one too: a sinner in need of grace, and a sinner saved by grace. The only difference between my pastor and me is my earthly position. In God's eyes, we're all the same.