Centered.

"New Year; new you" is not how I roll. I am not about reinventing myself, or trying to adhere to strict diets, or protocols, or lifestyles as a way to start a new year. Been there. Done that. It doesn't work.

What I am about is intention. I see the new year as a chance to re-examine, re-configure, and re-focus. As I re-examined my goals for last year, I see that I had to many. I didn't make big goals, but I made a lot of little, very specific goals. I accomplished a lot of them, but not all of them. That leads me to see that this year, I need to simplify, again. There is nothing wrong with goals, but I need to be able to accomplish them.

Once again this year, I need to reconfigure to focus on what matters. We've had life changes, major budget expenditures, illness and more this past year. These lead us to need to regroup and perhaps do things differently.

I particularly want to re-focus. I don't think I have lost my center per se, so much as focused on too many things that did not matter as much as I thought they did. Everything tends to be urgent and/or a crisis for me. My husband often reminds me that it is not. That does not always help in the moment, though. What I need is to have both a larger perspective and a smaller focus. I need to be able to accommodate more of the unexpected while remaining tied to what matters. Because what matters is what keeps me centered. When I am centered, I believe I am of more use to God, others, and even myself.

So on that note, here's to a more centered 2023, and perhaps a few more blog posts along that topic.

Happy New Year!

Prioritization: The Grief of Giving Up

My heart filled with sorrow as I drove to the grocery store, and anger. No, no one had died. No one had even gotten hurt. I just wasn't getting to do what I wanted. I wasn't getting to do what I wanted how I wanted. I was prioritizing and I believed that I was putting the most important things first, but I didn't like it. I didn't like it at all.

My husband told me the night before that I needed to give some things up. Everything wasn't a priority. He wasn't wrong. I had told him my plate was too full, and his reply was that I needed to take some things off of it. A logical answer. But I didn't want it.

There is grief in giving things up, even if that's what I need to do. I don't think anyone ever told me that when they taught me about prioritizing. They said to do the important things. They made it sound easy to give up the "unimportant" things. They didn't tell me that I'd be attached to those things, that I'd want them almost as much, or more as I wanted the "important things." That I'd grieve.

So there I sat in my car, alternately sad and angry. Sad because I was giving things up. Angry because I didn't want to. Judging myself for getting so bent out of shape for such "little things." But that's life for you. It's never as easy as "they" make it out to be. It's hard. It's filled with grief, little "g" grief and big "G" Grief. And grief has to co-exist with priorities. I'm just now learning that.

Putting My Money Where My Mouth Is

I always say that marriage is my priority, that I want to serve my husband above all else. Life lately has been putting my words to the test. I continue to do less and still lack time to do all that I want to do. Then my husband and I decided to do a version of the 10 minute daily challenge. That first night, I got really frustrated because I didn't get everything done that I wanted to do. I felt crappy. My old narratives of unworthiness arose. I realized I had to make a very real choice, though: choose my husband, choose to be; or choose to do. I could only do one.

As days have gone by, I have had to turn down more and more to fit in time with my husband: hiking, friend dates, and other things I wanted to do. We are just in a season where there is very little time. What time there is, I need to save for my husband, that is, if I want to put my money where my mouth is.

There are times, too, where I have to put real money where my mouth is. Sometimes I want something that isn't good for both of us. Sometimes the budget only allows so much, and I have to choose between alleviating my wants or contributing to something that is for the good of our marriage. Sometimes money I allotted for something else needs to be redirected. Decisions always have a cost. I have to spend on what matters to both of us.
Prioritizing is painful sometimes, but I guess that is what makes it prioritizing. It means sacrificing what I want in the moment for a greater goal. It means choosing where to exert my energies when I have very little. It means choosing to live in line with valuing marriage, even if it hurts, a lot.

Priorities get put to the test sometimes. This season of our lives seems to be test. I say that I want a good marriage. Now I get to live that out in real life.

All People Have Value. Some Have Priority.

"All people have equal value. Some have more priority." I talked about that with at least two people yesterday. And today, I had to practice what I preached. I set some boundaries at work, and honestly, I felt bad for saying, "No" to coworkers and families. But I also knew I needed to say, "No" to preserve energy for the people that are the most important. And guess what? When I came home, my parents needed me to help them run some errands and take care of some business things for them. 

Were my coworkers or the families I said, "No" to today any less valuable than my family? No. All people have equal value because God created them in His image. But some people do have more priority, especially in this season of my life.

Brene Brown in her book, Daring Greatly, talks about an exercise to help determine whose opinions matter. She suggests taking a one-inch by one-inch square of paper and writing down names of people who you love and who love you. They are who matter, she says. Right now, my square of important people might be even smaller than one-inch by one-inch. But you know what? That's okay. As long as I'm clear about the people who are my priorities, and I make them my priorities.

Boundaries suck sometimes, but they keep the good stuff in, and the less than good stuff out. The people on the other side of my boundary fence right now are as equally valuable as the people on my side. But the people on my side have priority. And if I keep throwing myself over the fence to save the people on the other side, I'll lose all energy for the ones closest to me.

So here's to acknowledging the worth of all people, but asking the Holy Spirit for help to prioritize my people. It's a battle, but one worth fighting.