Putting My Money Where My Mouth Is

I always say that marriage is my priority, that I want to serve my husband above all else. Life lately has been putting my words to the test. I continue to do less and still lack time to do all that I want to do. Then my husband and I decided to do a version of the 10 minute daily challenge. That first night, I got really frustrated because I didn't get everything done that I wanted to do. I felt crappy. My old narratives of unworthiness arose. I realized I had to make a very real choice, though: choose my husband, choose to be; or choose to do. I could only do one.

As days have gone by, I have had to turn down more and more to fit in time with my husband: hiking, friend dates, and other things I wanted to do. We are just in a season where there is very little time. What time there is, I need to save for my husband, that is, if I want to put my money where my mouth is.

There are times, too, where I have to put real money where my mouth is. Sometimes I want something that isn't good for both of us. Sometimes the budget only allows so much, and I have to choose between alleviating my wants or contributing to something that is for the good of our marriage. Sometimes money I allotted for something else needs to be redirected. Decisions always have a cost. I have to spend on what matters to both of us.
Prioritizing is painful sometimes, but I guess that is what makes it prioritizing. It means sacrificing what I want in the moment for a greater goal. It means choosing where to exert my energies when I have very little. It means choosing to live in line with valuing marriage, even if it hurts, a lot.

Priorities get put to the test sometimes. This season of our lives seems to be test. I say that I want a good marriage. Now I get to live that out in real life.

Do's and Dont's

"What am I made to do?" This is a question I ask myself frequently. And I'll probably be asking it my entire life. "What am I made to do?" is not a bad question to ask, because it can define my purpose, vision, and values. But it can also be an overwhelming question, a scary question, and a question that can be discouraging when I don't know how to answer it.

I think the question, "What am I made to do?" is as much about what I'm not doing as it is about what I'm doing, though. There are things I'm called to do and things I'm not called to do, or things I am not called to do right now. For example, right now I am not called to be a wife, or a mom, or a home owner. I am a friend, and a daughter, and a coworker, however. And some things I do and don't aren't really about calling. They're about preferences and choices. Because I can't do everything, much as in my perfectionism, I would like to.

So right now, what are my do's and don'ts? Here's a non-exclusive list.

I do...
Cook.
Clean.
Love.
Exercise.
Stay active.
Write.
Hike.
Jog.
Run 5Ks.
Crochet.
Spend time with people I love.
(Try to) Go to bed on time.
Linger at nighttime snack.
Sing.
Be faithful to my daily devotional time.
Paint my toes.

I don't...
Stay out late.
People please.
Do heavy workouts.
Run marathons.
Follow restrictive diets.
Make all my food from scratch.
Focus on externals.
Garden.
Wear a lot of makeup.
Serve in Children's Church.
Volunteer for extra hours at work.
Do my own car maintenance.
Study or argue philosophy and theology.
Sew.

You'll notice that the items on my lists are a mixture of value neutral and value laden activities. I feel conviction about some things on the list and others are just choices. But they're choices I often have to consciously make.

What am I made to do? What are my values? My purpose and values become evident in my choices. So I want to be purposeful about them. May my choices always point to Jesus as I continue to accurately discern all that He has called me to do.

*This post was inspired by the chapter "Things I Don't Do" in Shauna Niequist's book, Bittersweet.