Putting My Money Where My Mouth Is

I always say that marriage is my priority, that I want to serve my husband above all else. Life lately has been putting my words to the test. I continue to do less and still lack time to do all that I want to do. Then my husband and I decided to do a version of the 10 minute daily challenge. That first night, I got really frustrated because I didn't get everything done that I wanted to do. I felt crappy. My old narratives of unworthiness arose. I realized I had to make a very real choice, though: choose my husband, choose to be; or choose to do. I could only do one.

As days have gone by, I have had to turn down more and more to fit in time with my husband: hiking, friend dates, and other things I wanted to do. We are just in a season where there is very little time. What time there is, I need to save for my husband, that is, if I want to put my money where my mouth is.

There are times, too, where I have to put real money where my mouth is. Sometimes I want something that isn't good for both of us. Sometimes the budget only allows so much, and I have to choose between alleviating my wants or contributing to something that is for the good of our marriage. Sometimes money I allotted for something else needs to be redirected. Decisions always have a cost. I have to spend on what matters to both of us.
Prioritizing is painful sometimes, but I guess that is what makes it prioritizing. It means sacrificing what I want in the moment for a greater goal. It means choosing where to exert my energies when I have very little. It means choosing to live in line with valuing marriage, even if it hurts, a lot.

Priorities get put to the test sometimes. This season of our lives seems to be test. I say that I want a good marriage. Now I get to live that out in real life.

All People Have Value. Some Have Priority.

"All people have equal value. Some have more priority." I talked about that with at least two people yesterday. And today, I had to practice what I preached. I set some boundaries at work, and honestly, I felt bad for saying, "No" to coworkers and families. But I also knew I needed to say, "No" to preserve energy for the people that are the most important. And guess what? When I came home, my parents needed me to help them run some errands and take care of some business things for them. 

Were my coworkers or the families I said, "No" to today any less valuable than my family? No. All people have equal value because God created them in His image. But some people do have more priority, especially in this season of my life.

Brene Brown in her book, Daring Greatly, talks about an exercise to help determine whose opinions matter. She suggests taking a one-inch by one-inch square of paper and writing down names of people who you love and who love you. They are who matter, she says. Right now, my square of important people might be even smaller than one-inch by one-inch. But you know what? That's okay. As long as I'm clear about the people who are my priorities, and I make them my priorities.

Boundaries suck sometimes, but they keep the good stuff in, and the less than good stuff out. The people on the other side of my boundary fence right now are as equally valuable as the people on my side. But the people on my side have priority. And if I keep throwing myself over the fence to save the people on the other side, I'll lose all energy for the ones closest to me.

So here's to acknowledging the worth of all people, but asking the Holy Spirit for help to prioritize my people. It's a battle, but one worth fighting.