Putting My Money Where My Mouth Is

I always say that marriage is my priority, that I want to serve my husband above all else. Life lately has been putting my words to the test. I continue to do less and still lack time to do all that I want to do. Then my husband and I decided to do a version of the 10 minute daily challenge. That first night, I got really frustrated because I didn't get everything done that I wanted to do. I felt crappy. My old narratives of unworthiness arose. I realized I had to make a very real choice, though: choose my husband, choose to be; or choose to do. I could only do one.

As days have gone by, I have had to turn down more and more to fit in time with my husband: hiking, friend dates, and other things I wanted to do. We are just in a season where there is very little time. What time there is, I need to save for my husband, that is, if I want to put my money where my mouth is.

There are times, too, where I have to put real money where my mouth is. Sometimes I want something that isn't good for both of us. Sometimes the budget only allows so much, and I have to choose between alleviating my wants or contributing to something that is for the good of our marriage. Sometimes money I allotted for something else needs to be redirected. Decisions always have a cost. I have to spend on what matters to both of us.
Prioritizing is painful sometimes, but I guess that is what makes it prioritizing. It means sacrificing what I want in the moment for a greater goal. It means choosing where to exert my energies when I have very little. It means choosing to live in line with valuing marriage, even if it hurts, a lot.

Priorities get put to the test sometimes. This season of our lives seems to be test. I say that I want a good marriage. Now I get to live that out in real life.