When the Weight is Too Great to Bear

Tragedy is heavy, trauma excruciatingly painful. Even when not directly our own, it affects us. We don't know how to cope. We don't know how to support. We are uncertain about who to ask for help, or how to ask for help. But we know we have to. We cannot bear it alone. We learned this even more deeply recently.

I got the news of a tragedy in our extended family first by text, and then by phone. I was trying to work, but greatly dysregulated. I needed support. I talked to a trusted coworker first. It was essential that I  talk to an actual person. I needed the co-regulation. Then I texted my mom. She is a pray-er, and I needed the power of her prayers. After work, I called my parents. I needed their comfort. I went home and made sure to eat a good dinner. Thank goodness I had leftovers, as it prevented me from having to make many decisions. My brain didn't have much functioning, but needed nourishment. I did my chores, talked to my husband who was away due to the event, and went to bed. I needed routine, and I needed sleep.

I got up again the next day and again reached out to my parents and my husband. There were many uncertainties and I still didn't know what to do. Slowly but surely, as I reached out and as my family made known their needs, we saw a community come around. We saw people we didn't know reach out to offer prayers and assistance. Coworkers and friends who didn't know our family offered the same. We were given grace when we did not complete things we needed to do. The burden we bore became shared. It did not make the burden-bearing easy, but it certainly made an immense difference!

So often, I find myself falling into a trap of feeling like I have to do it all. It is a lie I believe and a struggle I face often. In this situation, though, I couldn't do it all. I couldn't really do anything, and at the same time, I needed so much. God in His great mercy and grace, provided that "so much," and so much more. Galatians 6:2 commands, "Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ" (New International Version). I had always understood this verse in theory. Tragedy caused me to experience its truth. When the weight is too great to bear, the burden is meant to be shared. In fact, I would argue that tragedy is the type of thing that must be shared if it is to be bearable at all.