Marriage Misnomers: Submission Means Domination.

I get quite a bit of push-back about my endorsement of traditional gender roles. When I say that I believe in complementarian roles, or even, gasp, that a woman's place might be at home (not that she can't work, but that her primary place of belonging is the home), people think that I'm for androcentrism or male chauvinism. They assume that I think women aren't as worthy or as equal in value as men, or even that I'm for male domination. Nope! I think that women have value. Equal value. And that submission is part of that created order.

What is submission? To me, it is realizing that God created men to lead families, home, and society. Argue with me if you want, but if marriage images Christ and the church, and the man is to imitate Christ, that means he leads. Christ saved me, not vice versa. I CAN'T save myself! Christ has to do it. And that makes Him, and thereby, my husband, the leader.

What does submission look like? It looks like attitude. It looks like respecting my husband and his role. It looks like appreciating my husband and his unique talents and abilities. It looks like recognizing that he has different responsibilities than I do. It looks like valuing him for him, and not wishing for him to be like me.

Submission also looks like action. It looks like putting off making decisions that will affect both my husband and I until I have talked to my husband. It looks like respecting and considering my husband's opinions and viewpoints when he shares them. It looks like not spending large amounts of our money before I ask my husband if he is in agreement with a purchase. It looks like defaulting to my husband's decision if we can't agree because in the end, before God, he bears the responsibility for the family.

Does submission look like domination? Maybe once in a while when he has to make a final decision. I find that last scenario very rare,  if at all, however, at least in my marriage. I am blessed with a husband who loves God and shows me love by respecting me and taking my opinions into account.

So how does submission look? Surprise! It often looks like respect for both women and men. It looks like valuing them equally because they have separate and different roles. It looks like women and men walking in their God given roles in both their attitudes and actions. And when that happens correctly, it results not in domination, but adoration, both of the other spouse and of the God who created spousal roles. God designed it that way!