In a Worldly Sense, Marriage Doesn't Make Much Sense.

My husband and I discuss the demands of marriage on a fairly frequent basis. Life isn't just about us any more. When I was single, I just had to work. When I came home, I didn't have to do much. Now, on my best days after work, I need to come home, check in with my husband, make dinner, do chores, and spend quality time with the man I married. On my worst days, there is stuff that needs to be done and another person in the house. Yeah sure, I was lonely when I was single, but there certainly wasn't so much to do.

The brain drain of marriage is real, too. When I was single, I made decisions. Now, on my best days, I need to consider my husband's needs, possibly check in with him, and then make the decision. On my worst days, I need to deal with the fallout of how my decisions affected him, and our marriage.

My priorities are divided now. I want to do well at work, but I want to do well at home. Doing well at both, at least right now, seems to be mutually exclusive.

There's a lot written about fairness in marriage (eg Fair Play by Eve Rodsky, 2019), but marriage really isn't fair. In a godly marriage, it's about submission (Horn, 2013). And that's getting to my point: In a self-centered, worldly sense, marriage doesn't really make sense.

Marriage does have some earthly benefits: partnership, sharing expenses, sharing child-reading duties, tax breaks (in America). But do those really make up for all the hard work of living with another person? Isn't easier to just pick and choose relationships and not commit? (I mean, there is some research that attachment makes for better relationships, and children do best in two-parent homes, but still these aren't totally self-focused goals.) Godly marriage isn't like that. It's about self-sacrifice. It's about sanctification. But that isn't easy, and it doesn't necessarily yield earthly gains. And that's my point. I'm not sure marriage is worth it from a worldly perspective. It's only worth it if I consider God's plan, purpose, and glory.

Plenty of people make it in marriages without God. I am not sure how, though. I know that God is crucial to the keeping of my marriage. What the Bible tells me about marriage is absolutely necessary for my making sense of my life as a wife. To those who make marriage work without God kudos, but maybe consider including him. Given that his power is infinite, it really makes a lot of sense!

References:

Horn, S. (2013). My so-called life as a submissive wife: A one-year experiment...and its liberating results. Harvest House Publishers.

Rodsky, E. (2019). Fair play: A game-changing solution for when you have too much to do (and more life to live). G.P. Putnam's Sons.