Loving Him by Loving HIM

Trying to figure out how to love my husband well is, well, exhausting. After learning that the way I love him isn't the way he wants love, I had to let go of a lot. While letting go, I tried to monitor even more closely my husband's needs and desires so that I could try to meet them. Well, I had to let go of that, too. It caused me to be exhausted, anxious, and testy, not a good wife! I had to find another way, not a way to disregard my husband's needs, but to do what was right and honor them, while not hovering, or even becoming codependent.

I really just can't meet my husband's needs perfectly. It's part of sin. It's part of my curse. And sometimes I have to show love in ways that feel unloving, but also necessary because of my love for God (e.g. confronting my husband about something). It's just so hard.

I've realized though, that I have one help: the Holy Spirit. That may be a, "Duh" for a lot of people who call themselves Christ-followers, but it something I forget time and time again. I don't have to do this alone. I have a helper.

The best way I can love my husband is to listen to the Holy Spirit. The best way I can love my husband is to love God. God is ultimate love. He is a supremely better teacher than experience or paying close attention, or books, or therapy, or anything else.

John Piper (1995) wrote a poem called, "Love Her More and Love Her Less" for his son on his son's wedding day. I am changing the pronouns here to reflect loving my husband, as I really can't say it any better:

The greatest gift you give your [husband]
Is loving God above [his] life.
And thus I bid you now to bless:
Go love [him] more by loving less.

I love my husband. Really, I love him! I want to keep learning to love him better and better. More than that, love, I need to want to learn to love God better and better. Loving Him is the best way to love and serve my husband in the best ways.

Reference:

Piper, J. (1995, May 29). Love her more and love her less. Desiring God. https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/love-her-more-and-love-her-less