We had a little miscommunication, not really a spat, just something that I thought one way about and he thought the other. I woke up scared. I woke up hurt. To be honest, I woke up angry, scheming about ways I could make him feel the same hurt I felt. Was it right? No, but that's the honest truth.
God had already convicted me that I needed to show grace. Intentioned or not, the way not win my husband back was not to mete out judgment, yet that was what I wanted to do. I read about not judging in my Bible reading, but still, I seethed. I had a long talk with God on my run that morning. I told him I didn't want to show grace, that I might now how, but not have the want. And he told me again and again, I just had to do it.
Somehow, by God's grace (and maybe because the long run sapped up a lot of my energy), I managed to keep my mouth shut. I briefly told my husband how I felt, and then tried to continue to keep my mouth shut. I wanted to bring up the issue so, so many times, but for what? To rub it is his face? To get resolution? I knew that was not going to happen. We just saw the situation different ways.
So I just kept going. I did my morning activities. I engaged in our weekly life conversation. I asked him to go on a date with me, just as I had planned to do before this whole thing. It felt like I was shoving something under the rug, but it felt like the right thing to do, so I did it.
Somewhere in the shopping and the lunching and the rest of the day, I realized that we were carrying on like normal. As the day neared its end, he asked to watch a movie with me, something I enjoy doing, but hadn't even considered. And as the day ended, I savored it. It had been a really lovely day.
As I went to bed, I heard the still small voice say, "Letting go let you have this day. Holding on would have done nothing."
Not all conflicts can be let go. Some situations require discussion and resolution. Sometimes, though, I just have to let go. I have to choose not to let a conflict ruin a day. I did, and it was a beautiful day, a glorious day. Praise God for that!
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