I grew up singing in choir. Performances were all about perfection: the right notes, the right timing, the right clothes, etc. Singing on the worship team is anything but, at least at my church.
A few weeks ago, we rehearsed our music for two and a half hours on a Thursday night to get it kind of right. When I arrived for practice Sunday morning, however, the worship leader I'd practiced with was absent, and another leader there to fill in. In a matter of an hour, we'd changed out several songs in the set, switched keys in several others, and decided that I'd lead a verse on one of the new songs. The verse that kept echoing through my head was this, "But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us" (2 Cor 4:7, New International Version). The Spirit was reminding me that singing on worship team was about God's power, not mine.
Leading worship is a very different experience from singing in choir. I'm standing at a microphone. I'm looking out over a crowd. I'm never as practiced as when I sang with a choir. I feel nervous much of the time. It's an experience where I have to rely on God's power, not my own.
My job on worship team is to praise God, not perform. Praising God adores Him. Performing adores me. Praising God allows for inadequacy on my part. Performing nitpicks at mistakes. Praising guides listeners into an experience. Performing provides an experience.
I'm not very good at singing on worship team, and I hope I'll get better with practice. That might help with the nerves a little. I do hope, however, that I can always make this experience about God and not about me. Because if it's about me, it's not about worship of my King, and it's only through His power that I live and breath and move and sing.
If you've read my blog for awhile, you know that I'm a fan of the Chasing Joy podcast. As I listened to Episode 45 with Marian Mellen, I was struck by her comment about smiling in pictures. She noted that Americans feel forced to smile in pictures and show that they are happy, while this isn't so in other countries. As I pondered her statement, I got to thinking about how this country, and especially Christian culture might too strongly associate happiness and smiling.
Although I consider myself a happy person, I'm not necessarily a smiley person. As I've started singing on worship team at church, I've gotten several comments about how I need to smile more. Okay, I'm working on it. But really, do I need to smile while I sing? God is a high and holy and awesome God. Sometimes when I sing, I'm not smiling because I'm standing in awe of God. Sometimes when I sing, I'm not smiling because I'm focusing on the words, lyrics, or music. Sometimes when I sing, I'm just not thinking about smiling and my face is in its natural resting state. I'm okay!
I'll keep trying to smile while I sing, as I know it improves the worship experience of others, but in the meantime, can we work on accepting non-smiling faces? Sometimes people are hurting. Sometimes people are thinking. Sometimes people are sad. Sometimes people are even happy. They just might not be smiling.
I'm linking up with Amanda at Running with Spoons for this Thinking Out Loud post.
