Saturday, February 27, 2016

Singleness Struggles

I am going to be very honest here. I am struggling with my singleness. I was, “fine,” for awhile, happy to make my own schedule, eat oatmeal for dinner, and go on vacation whenever I wanted. Now I have the marriage bug, however. Or maybe I do not even have the marriage bug, but rather the relationship bug. I want a man in my life. I am tired of going to events and sitting by myself. I am tired of looking around to see if there are even any attractive, godly men who might be in my life. I am tired of wondering if I will ever get married. I am tired of wrestling with the variety of opinions people have on the subject of marriage. I want answers, but I do not have any, so I am sharing my struggles as they really are.

Marriage is in the Bible from beginning to end, but some of the messages seem to contradict. In Genesis, God created Eve to be Adam's helpmate (Gen 2:18), but in the New Testament Paul says it is best to remain single, but then one can be “concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord” (1 Cor 7:32, New International Version, [NIV]). In Ephesians 5:23 Paul compares husbands to Christ, as the Savior of the church. Commentator A. R. Fausset (n. d.) writes that this images the husband as the protector or preserver of the wife. Yet Paul says the unmarried are the ones “free from concern” (1 Cor 7:32). There seem to be a variety of views about marriage in the church, from it being a woman's highest calling (most often whereby she bears godly children) to it being an earthly pleasure to give up (e. g. by entering a monastery or a convent) (Evans, 2012). There are tons of Scriptures about marriage imaging God's relationship with the church. Revelation 19 is all about the marriage supper of the lamb. If marriage images Christ and the church, why do not all women marry? Throughout history, I see many godly women who did not marry, yet did great things for God. One of my role models never married, yet brought God's Word to a people on a continent far away through the work of Bible translation. She told me that she never said, “No,” to marriage, until now. Now she senses that it is not God's will for her. I am not sure I have her patience, or her fortitude.

So what do I do with all my wrestling and struggling? I read recently that loneliness should point me to God, and I pray that it will, but right now, it does not feel like it is (Clark, 2006). I “stumbled” across a video called, “The Power of a Praying Wife” (though I do not believe in coincidences, only in divine, God-ordained appointments) (O'Martian, 2013). The speaker, Stormie O'Martian, says to pray about marriage before I get there. To be honest, I do not want to pray about marriage if that it is not in God's plan for me. But I guess I should. Still. I feel bereft, befuddled, a little angry. I guess I have to pray, pray for God to change my heart, pray for God to make my heart open to His plans, pray to care more about the things of Jesus than the things of this world. I need to be content to remain as I am. This is hard. This is a real struggle.


Clark, J. (2006). Every thought captive: Battling the toxic beliefs that separate us from the life we crave. Colorado Springs, CO: TH1NK.

Evans, R. H. (2012). A year of biblical womanhood: How a liberated woman found herself sitting on a roof, covering her head, and calling her husband “Master.” Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson.

Faussett, A. R. (n. d.). The Epistle of Paul the Apostle to the Ephesians. Retrieved from

O'Martian, S. (2013). The power of a praying wife. [Video file]. Retrieved from

1 comment:

  1. Oh, Sarah. Thank you for being raw and honest. Thank you. I understand. So many people have said to me, "It will happen when you least expect it, and when you quit looking." I do not believe that for a minute. It instills in us a sense of false hope for things without guarantee. I will say that it will happen, if it is God's will for your life, when He wants it to happen and in the manner He wants it. He knows what is best for us, even if it doesn't feel like the best we would choose. I cannot promise you will have happiness nor future relationship and I don't believe the Lord wants us promising those things to others. We simply do not know. What I do know is that God hears your heart and your struggle and He is not deaf to your prayers. I do not believe He desires that you "remain content as you are" either. He loves you in all your discontentedness, too, and longs for your honesty much more than your perfection. I will be praying for you, sister.