Real Life Marriage: This is Us.

Photo by Sharon Lane

Nothing really prepared me for marriage. Not seeing my friends get married. Not getting a front row seat to my parents' marriage. Not reading books. Not all my graduate studies. Not really anything. Without a doubt, marriage has been the steepest learning curve I've ever experienced.

I never expected the loss I'd feel. I never expected the identity struggles. I never expected the feelings of powerlessness and loss of control. I never expected things to be so hard, so growing, so shaping, and so revealing of my own struggles all at once. I never expected how unfair things would feel. I never expected to see how my sickness and selfishness and sin could so profoundly affect another person. I never expected the spiritual opposition. I just didn't know what I was getting into.

People say that the "honeymoon" wears off after the first months of marriage. At this year point, I think I can say this is true. There isn't any less love, but there is a whole lot more real life. Real life where we try to figure out what budgeting, grocery shopping, cooking, laundry, chores, and look like for two. Real life where we have very different ideas and have to come to terms with compromise, or giving in/giving up. Real life where we realize we both assume a lot, and assume wrongly too much of the time. Real life where we recognize major communication barriers and don't know how to fix them other than to give it time.  Real life marriage where things are just messy. Real life where we need a lot of grace. Real life where two formerly very independent people are trying to from one identity. This is us.

Marriage is not easy, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Our marriage is a covenant, which means we have many more years to figure out what "us" really means. To God be the glory.