I feel such shame when I have emotional meltdowns. I wish they would not happen, especially with my husband whom I love so dearly. Most of the time, they are not his fault. He just gets the brunt of my nervous system going into collapse. Then, out of guilt and shame, I tend to stay away, ice him out, try to protect him from myself. There has to be a better way.
As we have navigated this season of hard and my many emotional struggles, I have come to the conclusion that maybe the best thing to do is not try to fight the meltdowns, but try to resolve them. Try to re-regulate as fast as possible and get back into relationship, because relationship is what co-regulates. Relationship is what heals.
My husband has done a very gracious job of loving me through my emotions. He shows empathy and understanding. He accepts my apologies when I take things out on him. He loves me still.
And you know what? Maybe that's what those other people in my life need, too. Those other people with big emotional reactions to things. Those people who I think are doing me and those I love wrong. They're probably not trying to have outbursts, either. They're probably not doing anything intentionally, just like I'm not. Yes, if they sin, they should apologize, but that's between them and God. What's up to me is to allow them to come back, to show grace, to help them re-regulate, to invite them back into relationship.
Maybe that's what our world needs. Not a cover-up, but an acceptance of faults and flaws. An invitation to come back into fellowship to be loved. That's what God does. He never excuses our sin. He had to send Jesus to die for us! But he forgives again and again and again. He help right and re-right relationships. He offers an opportunity to learn a new way.
Learning a new way. That's what my husband is doing with me. That's what God does with me. Maybe that's what they need, too, those other people I've been so harsh to judge and even hate. God forgive me. I need your grace. That's what they need, too.
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