Real Life Marriage: Making a Life for Ourselves

"It's become a tradition for you two," my mom texted me after I sent her photos of our town's Christmas tree lighting.

And I thought to myself, "Yes, yes, it has. Somehow, someway, by God's grace, we are making a life for ourselves."

We have been married for five years, but it seems like just now that some of "us" is setting in. Maybe that is due to the milestone year. Maybe it's due to my husband finishing his education. Maybe it's due to being in the same place for a longer time. All I know is that I like it. And yes, yes, I do also like traditions.

We did not have traditions when we got married. Well, we had individual traditions, but not joint ones. We had to make those. We also did not have very much of a sense of us. In our community, and in our church, there was my husband, and there was me (or my parents, as most people knew them better than they knew me). Being known individually was great for our solo friendships, but not so great for us. We moved here as "us," and for the most part, that is how people know us.

We have to continually work to cultivate our mutual identity. Traditions like attending the town Christmas tree lighting do that. Doing things together does that. Reviewing past milestones (as we do when we hang our yearly ornaments on the tree) does that. Dreaming for the future does that. I pray that we can continue not only our traditions, but all the others things that make us, "us." This is us, and we want to stay us because we committed to that end in our vows.