Things That Steal My Joy

We bought a new refrigerator last week. It was not really a choice. Rather, it was a necessity because our old one quit working, like completely quit working. Our food was either frozen in our newly acquired chest freezer, or in coolers with ice packs on the cold outdoor porch. Not really a way to live, at least not in the 21st century.

My husband did a lot of research on fridges. He found budget, and not so budget options. Alone, I probably would have bought the cheapest, ugliest thing and lived with it. That's really not the best option, but that's probably what I would have done. My husband, however, knows value and quality. He encourages us, where we can, to buy things with functionality. I always benefit when we do.

So back to the refrigerator, we decided to spend a little more than bottom dollar and get a nicer fridge with more features. Granted, we could not afford the fridge we really wanted, but we could afford one from the scratched and dented store that would take a little work. It took a lot of work just to acquire the fridge, and then to haul it upstairs into our condo. I felt an immediate wave of relief when we did. But then the foreboding joy started. 

After all this work, we would not want to ever move this fridge out of our condo. We had put a lot of money into it, and would put more. We would spend more time and money programming it to meet our needs. And then someday leave it? Instead of celebrating, I started prematurely grieving. Alternately, I questioned. I questioned if we really needed this fridge. I questioned if we should have gotten a cheaper one. I had a mild case of buyer's remorse, all of which stole my joy.

What I needed was to be thankful. What I needed was to be grateful. What I needed was to live in the moment, to savor the relief, to savor having a way to refrigerate food again. To celebrate modern conveniences. To rejoice over the wonderful ways God provided. To congratulate my husband on his frugal find. To dream about possibilities. It was a struggle.

Maybe it's my personality. Maybe it's life. I don't know. What I do know is that I want joy, and that I allow a lot of things to take it from me. Feelings are feelings, but I choose what to do with them. As I notice and name my joy stealers, I hope I get better at stealing the joy back. There is enough of it in this life. God has given us that. We just have to take it.

Flip The Script

Prepare for the worst

Hope for the best

Won't you steady my heart

For whatever comes next?

~King and Country, "Need You More"

I generally consider myself an optimist, a person who looks at the bright side of things, a person who sees the glass as half full, who always holds hope. I've been convicted lately, however, that I might not be as optimistic as I think. When times are good, I'm wondering when they'll be bad. When relationships are healthy, I'm afraid to give thanks, for fear that this will lead to a prideful fall and rupture. When I have ample financial resources, I act as a miser, for fear that one day the money won't be there. When I have time off work, I let myself get overwhelmed with home details, or fear of going back to work. When days are sunny, I wonder when the rain will come. I find that I have a tendency to label life as hard, instead of seeing it as good. In so doing, I miss the joy of the moment, and I can end up sabotaging myself.

Now that I've realized what I'm doing, I'm trying, by the Holy Spirit's power, to view life as more of a privilege than a struggle. I'm trying to be present in the now instead of looking so muhc into the future. I'm trying to give thanks instead of worrying. Life is good. God has blessed me. Sure, there are hard parts of living, but that's not the substance of life. There is so much worth celebrating. So many good things worth recognizing and further pouring into.

Let's flip the script, shall we? Instead of looking for dysfunction, let's look for function. Instead of living with foreboding joy* about the future, let's celebrate the now. Let's rejoice and give thanks, for when we have God, we always have good.

*Credit for this term goes to Brene Brown and her books.