Showing posts with label free. Show all posts
Showing posts with label free. Show all posts

Monday, February 25, 2019

The World is My Oyster (Or Is It?)



I remember that morning very clearly, the day of my masters graduation. I went for a jog in the crisp clear air, and as my feet hit the pavement of my oh, so familiar route, I thought, “The world is my oyster. I can do anything.” I felt a sense of freedom that day, a sense of exhilaration, a sense of anticipation. Little did I know that my decision to pursue counseling licensure in Arizona would require nine months of back and forth correspondence with the state counseling board, or that finding a job and community in Arizona would be so hard or so time-consuming.

But here I am, two and a half years later, living in Arizona, working as a counselor. As 2019 has begun, I see many open days before me. I know that I can fill the pages of this book of my year as I choose, but I also realize that my time and energy are limited. I can do anything, but I can't do everything.

I enjoy fitness, but it isn't my life. Besides physical therapy, I basically have 30 minutes a day to commit to exercise. That means I can choose weights or cardio, but not both. I have to choose what is more important. I just don't have time or energy to throw around the weights and hit the streets for my preferred three mile plus runs.

I've finally gotten to the point where I'm getting more invitations to do social things, but I just don't have time for all of them. Sometimes, I need to stretch and expand my horizons by hanging out with new people and doing new things. Other times, I need to say, “No,” in order to focus on investing more deeply in the relationships that are most important to me.

Work presents dozens of opportunities for training and learning, and frankly, just more hours, but I need to decide what I'm called to do and what I'm not. Work is a big part of my world, but not my entire world. I don't want it to become all-consuming.

I have numerous hobbies and activities I'd like to do in my spare time, but there just isn't always time for everything. I need to rest, too.

So the world is my oyster, but it's also not. Many opportunities lie before me, but I have the responsibility to choose which ones to crack into, and which ones not. I have to choose where to mine for beauty, and what mines to let others tend to. Life is beautiful, but I miss the fullness of that beauty if I never stop to appreciate it.

May God give me wisdom as I anticipate the days ahead and traverse with him the sands, waves, and seashores of this life.

Monday, August 20, 2018

I'm Tired of Living Scared.

I am the oldest child in my family. I have a type A personality. I am competitive. I like to plan. I like to be in control of my life. I always try to keep myself safe. I'm not knocking my personality, but I'm realizing that it has kept me from really living life.

I started the #bucketlistproject this year to try to force myself to get out of my comfort zone, to do things I've always wanted to do, but haven't. So far, I've gotten through all but about six of my thirty items. But I must confess that each time, I've wanted to back out. I haven't wanted to take the trip, stay up late, feel tired, take risks, or experience pain. I still feel anxious about the routines I have to sacrifice and change to accomplish the rest of my bucket list. But you know what? I'm tired of living scared.



I'm tired of being scared to miss a workout for fear that I'll lose endurance and mobility and not be able to do what I want to do in the future.

I'm tired of not eating new or "unhealthy" foods for fear of getting sick or feel unwell.

I'm tired of skipping out on fun events because I fear disrupting my sleep schedule.

I'm tired of not asking questions because I fear people's responses.

I'm tired of hiding my true self because I fear how others will receive me.

I'm tired of missing out on life.

The ironic thing about living scared is that it hasn't really made me any safer. I've still had injuries and illness and accidents and relationship struggles. I keep a "perfect" schedule and still struggle to sleep. And no matter what I've done, I've never really been in control.

In the Old Testament, God said to the leader Joshua, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go" (Josh 1:9, New International Version). I'm not about to go off make rash decisions or take unneeded risks, but since God is with me, I think I've decided that I'd rather live than stay safe. I'm 30 and I only have so many years on this earth. I might as well live and see where life takes me instead of staying stuck in fear.

I'm tired of living scared. I'm ready to live free.