What's Wrong With Church is Me

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I wrote recently about my struggles with church. I was writing about the church corporate, as well as some of the individual churches I've been and am a part of. I could church hop and try to find a church with which I don't struggle, but as Oswald Chambers so aptly wrote, "The day we find the perfect church, it becomes imperfect the moment we join it." That's what I didn't write about in my first post. I didn't write about what's wrong with me. Because I am part of the problem.

So what's wrong with me as part of the church?

I'm judgmental. As much as I want grace and peace and understanding, I don't always give it. I fail to speak the truth in love. Instead, I speak the truth passive-aggressively, or with barbs or manipulation. The truth of the Bible is the truth. Don't get me wrong. But there is a way to speak it in a kind way. Jesus did that. I need to be more like him.

I tend to be a silo. I don't always like meeting or greeting new people. I tend to stick with those I know. And people like me are what makes the church unwelcoming. I need to practice more hospitality.

I burn rather than build bridges. I am slow to forgive. I sometimes feel that I need to assert my way instead of listening to what others have to say. I need to be slower to speak, and as a result, slower to anger and more likely to build relationships.

I act like I have it together, and I don't. There are places and times for boundaries, but as Juli Slattery wrote in a recent book of hers I read, we need to be authentic with discernment. That means not leading people to believe things that are not true. I don't often intentionally mislead people, but I think people believe I have it more together than I do. That is maybe partly their perception, but also partly what I give off. I need to work on being more genuine.

I don't serve, and I don't always support those who serve. There are times and places for service and rest, but we're all called to do something to support the body, even if it's just praying. And we are called to respect and support and encourage those who serve. I do not always do that, either.

There are probably many other problems with me as a part of the church. I am a sinner. I have a responsibility in that. As Bob Goff writes, “If you try out yet another new church, all that will happen is that you will simply encounter as much trouble as you found in the last one. There is nothing wrong with your spiritual environment, but there is something desperately wrong with you. If you fail to correct that, you will be a spiritual tramp all the days of your life” (p. 144). I don't want to be that.*

But grace. God's grace. God's grace saved me. God's grace sanctifies me. May it continue to grow me so that I am less and less of a problem in the church. And may the church grow increasingly into what God intended until his final, perfect kingdom comes.

*Let's be clear. There are good reasons to leave a church, like heresy, or poor theology, or scandal. I don't think that is what Goff is talking about here. I think he is talking about leaving the church for more "superficial" reasons.