Don't Envy My Body.

I'm really tired of all the body talk, but I'm going to join the fracas for a moment since I feel I have some things to say. Those things are these: To those who envy thin bodies, I want to say "Thin people have problems, too." To those who think thin people have all the privileges, let me say, "Thin people face persecution, too." The thin ideal is not really ideal. Let me elaborate.

Appearance: Though in a smaller frame, I still feel self-conscious about how I look. I feel especially self-conscious because of comments people make such as, "Eat more." "You shouldn't run." "Life weights!" "Need some protein?" There is so much more that contributes to my appearance than food and exercise. Take my right arm, for instance. It's even skinnier than the rest of my body because of the botox treatment I receive to treat my focal dystonia. I can't control this, but I don't wish to talk to everyone about it, either.

Clothing: I don't have shapes and curves like some women, so finding clothes that fit right is a struggle. I prefer loose and billowy fashion, so this is not as big an issue for me as some others, but it still is a problem. Trying to find jeans for instance? Forget it. Most jeans are either too big or too small in certain places, often both. Designers don't cater to the typical "thin" body. I would argue that they don't cater to real bodies at all, but that's a different topic for a different day.

Dystonia: I wrote above about my atrophied right arm. Dystonia, visible or invisible, plagues my body. I have a neurological disorder and a disability, even in my thin "healthy" frame.

Energy: I don't have a lot of it. I generally try to eat plenty, but since my body doesn't have much fat stored, when I get hungry, my blood sugar drops fast. Then I get hangry, or otherwise emotionally dysregulated. It's not a good feeling.

Health: Some people tell me I look healthy because I am thin, but being thin carries with it its own inherent health problems. My body size makes me extremely sensitive to stress. More often than not, my yearly blood work shows that something is off, because my body just struggles to keep up with the pace of life. When I get sick, I can get really sick, and it can take me a long time to recover. Would these issues improve if I gained weight and my body grew bigger? Maybe. But if this is the size my body wants to be right now, forcing it to change might raise other problems.

I could probably go on and on, but I won't. Some people don't like my body. Some people do. I'm unfortunately in the former camp more often than not. And it is on those days especially that I want to shout from the rooftops, "Thin bodies are not the best bodies! Please don't envy me!"

I would argue that most of us struggle with our bodies. We all have bodies, after all. So instead of envying one another (I've been guilty, too!), could we respond with a little grace? Could we leave room for the body debates that some people want to have and step aside to have another discussion? Could we start talking about how we can support and care for one another in our struggles, how we can support and care for ourselves? Let's stop the envy, friends. Let's start some compassion. Let's stop talking about our bodies and start talking about some bigger things. Goodness knows there are bigger issues at stake in our world right now!