What is My Life?

I faced fear a lot in 2020. First it was fear of dying from COVID. Then it was fear of spreading COVID to others. Then it was fear of quarantine of its consequences. I had fears of the judgments of others. I had FEAR. And it was becoming an idol. 

My family and I have not experienced COVID yet that we know of. We did face multiple exposures and one quarantine, however. One exposure came right before Thanksgiving for my husband. He wasn't concerned, but did act responsibly, immediately ceasing contact with the public and getting tested right away. He got a negative test result, but we weren't sure if that would hold. I agonized over what to do about plans to see family (e.g. my parents) for Thanksgiving. We had already decided to go small, but should we cancel all together. My parents insisted on coming to see us. My husband said we couldn't tell them what to do. I wasn't so sure, but as I walked that morning before they arrived, the verses below came to mind:

"Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes" (James 4:14, New International Version).

"Everything that does not come from faith is sin" (Romans 14:23b).

I had to ask myself what my life meant to me. I felt convicted that I needed to ask the Holy Spirit to show me if I was acting out of faith, or out of fear. I had to confess that it was the latter, and that I was focusing on the value of my life, wanting to escape unpleasant emotions rather than seeking God as God and honoring others above myself.

My husband has been following COVID mask requirements and praise the Lord, did not get COVID from his exposure. We were careful, but my parents still came for Thanksgiving and we enjoyed some sweet time together. We would have liked to see other family members and/or have a larger gathering, but we gave thanks for what God allowed and protected.

After Thanksgiving, my 90 year-old granddad declared that he wanted to see family and come visit for Christmas. This seemed risky given his age and the need to travel by plane. He acknowledged the risk, but declared it worth it. He dutifully wore his mask and followed all precautions, while we continued to mostly self-isolate apart from engaging in work and other essential activities. In the end, we were able to join together for a very special time of celebrating the coming of Christ to earth.

As of the date of publishing this article, my family and I are still healthy. We do not take this for granted or believe it is because we are more special. We are trying to seek God's wisdom and follow guidelines, while simultaneously living faith. Because what are our lives worth without faith?

I write this post not to suggest breaking COVID restrictions. I write not to criticize those who are more or less careful than my family and I have been. I write to suggest that we add to the current conversation about disease transmission the matter of perspective and the worth of life. My parents recognized the risk of seeing us at Thanksgiving, but valued family life above their fear of the virus. (From the news articles, it seems other families felt similarly.) My granddad acknowledged the risks of traveling to see us, but believed that this was the right decision and walked out on faith. Granddad considered the value of his life and the lives of others and acted accordingly. Am I doing similarly>

What is my life? My life is a creation of God's to be used by God's. That means I need to live in line with God's values. That means both submitting to governing authorities (Rom 13)and walking by faith (2 Cor 5:7). This is difficult to do in the midst of a pandemic, but it is what I am called to do. May God be glorified as we seek to continue to walk in the light of His life.