Self-Care As Survival

I stopped doing self-care for awhile, at least most of it. It was work to fit it in. It wasn't fun. I didn't feel like I really deserved to spend time caring for myself when I wasn't even keeping up with what had to be done, with what I wanted to get done. I had responsibilities to others. So I cut out the fun, or at least I tried. It was painful. I had to sit with my emotions instead of finding a way to ease them. I craved and missed some of the joys that self-care activities had given me, even if I hadn't recognized their joys at the time. Maybe it was good to take a little break from some of my personal interest activities, to push on and prove to myself that I could do it. But then my self-proclaimed "fun-fast" fast stopped working. I found myself more and more unable to move forward, stuck, and certainly lacking in motivation. My husband had been harping on me to practice self-care for a while, warning me that I would burn out if I didn't. I was on the cusp, so despite my misgivings, and even some feelings of guilt, I started taking small steps to add back the fun, to practice some self-care. In so doing I realized that sometimes self-care is a matter of survival.

I think there's an idea out that that self-care helps you achieve your highest self, that in it is some measure of self-fulfillment or self-actualization. You'll be your best self and your happiest self if you do it. You will feel calm, centered and relaxed. You'll be energetic and full of life and purpose. But maybe, like I've found, you won't. Maybe self-care will take effort. Maybe it will be drudgery. Maybe it will not create noticeable benefits, but rather keep you at baseline. Maybe practicing self-care is a matter of not dipping into deficit.

Self-care is a good habit, if nothing else. It leaves a little space to ponder. It can help connect with one's body and thereby help notice if there is anything wrong. It can help recognize a need for rest. It can highlight what is lacking in life. Self-care might not fulfill a need, but it might help prevent even more needs, and sometimes, hopefully at some point, help you have more to give towards the needs of others. So here's to self-care, because our lives, and the lives of others depend on it.