Blessings: Not Just For Me

The older I get, the more blessed I realize I am. While I was not raised in a wealthy family, and do not consider myself wealthy now, I am rich in many other ways. I had and have many resources that others do not. As a believer in Christ, I have an obligation to share.

First of all, I am privileged to be known as a child of God. As Paul writes in Titus, "he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy" (Titus 3:5). I do not deserve salvation. I can in no way earn it, yet God in His grace, provided Jesus' sacrifice for my sins. Resources indeed, resources meant to be shared!

I grew up in a two-parent family with a mom and dad committed to my siblings and I, and to each other. There have been times, many times, when I felt a little envious of ways that my parents poured into others. I wanted them to be mine, all mine. Then I realized what a blessing I had in them! It is only right that I should share the wonderful people and gifts that my parents are with others.

I was single for a very long time. I gave up imagining getting married and could never have imagined marrying a man as wonderful as my husband. Sometimes I do not want to share him with others. I want all his attention and affection. I need to share him, though, realizing that he is not mine, but God's. Given that he is my husband, I have his love forever, so I can afford to share him with others. It is safe for me to do so.

I have a home. Though small, we are blessed to live in it, and this too, I should share with others. It does not matter as much how clean or pretty or decorated it is, but that I use it for God's purposes: to love and serve my husband, and to love and serve others as the Spirit directs.

I have a job. I got the chance to go to college and graduate school. I have food in the pantry. I have relative health. I have my five senses. I could go on and on. While there are many things I do not have, I have more. 

I am blessed, and the blessings I have are not just for me. As I heard on a recent podcast, "our blessings aren't just meant for us. They are meant to be shared" (Frederick & Frederick, 2021). As the Psalmist writes, when we have a God who fills our cups, they should overflow to others (Psalm 23:5; Trapp, n.d., as cited in Guzik, 2011). This is a high calling, a holy calling.

I am not perfect. I am selfish. I hoard my blessings, for fear that they expire or extinguish. That is not God's way. God's way is to give to overflowing, for He has enough not just for me, but for the world He made and loves.

Happy Thanksgiving to All!

References:

Frederick, R., & Frederick, S. (Hosts). (2021, November 16). Bringing others in (The home, 3 of 4) (No. 244). [Audio podcast episode]. In Fierce Marriage. https://fiercemarriage.com/bringings-others-in-the-home-3-of-4

Guzik. D. (2011). Study guide on Psalm 23. Blue Letter Bible. https://www.blueletterbible.org/Comm/guzik_david/StudyGuide2017-Psa/Psa-23.cfm

Having Generosity For My Husband

The scriptures resound with the concept of generosity. The poor widow put all the money she had into the temple treasury (Mark 12; Luke 21). The woman with the alabaster jar poured out all of its expensive contents on Jesus' head (Mark 14). Jesus gave His life for me! And yet I do not lean towards generosity. I lean towards stinginess, self-righteousness, and self-justification, especially in my marriage. The Spirit continually convicts me of this.

God gave me a wonderful gift in my husband. My husband is not perfect, but seeks to follow God, serve others, and serve me. I do not always keep this at the forefront of my mind, though. I do not always want to give, especially when I am tired. I find that roots of bitterness start to grow as I dwell on things I would like to happen that are not. I crave affections and attention and then push away when it does not happen like I want. These are not generous responses.

The widow gave all she had, and then had to rely on God. This was a generous response! As a wife, God has called me to give to my husband. Yes, I may grow tired and weary, but if I am following God, and living according to His will, will He not fill me with all good things? (2 Pet 1:3). His word says He will.

If I rely on God, can I not have generous, gracious responses to my husband? If I believe that my husband is following God (and I do), that should inform my interpretations of His behaviors. Yes, some things annoy me, but I am pretty sure my husband is not trying to annoy me. A generous response would be a generous interpretation of his motives, which in actually, is probably the most accurate interpretation.

I made a promise when I got married, to love my husband unconditionally, until death does us part. Sometimes that love hurts. It hurts my pride. It means I have to give, rather than get. The Psalmist says that a righteous man "keeps an oath even when it hurts," though (Ps 15:4). This is my calling.

Sometimes my husband wants my time. Sometimes he wants a listening ear. Sometimes I see that I could put off my own plans to better serve him. To do so is generous.

I have a long ways to grow in generosity. This is one of the many areas for growth God is revealing to me through my marriage. God has been so generous and gracious to me with the gospel and though I can never attain to God's perfection, I can keep reaching. May God's generosity overflow through me to my husband, and through our marriage to the world beyond. To God be the glory!

Afghan 66

Another afghan done! I really liked this pattern (another one I acquired from this 20 pattern compilation). It was easy, worked up quickly, and the edges remained somewhat uniform, even with changing yarns. I might have made the blanket a bit longer, but this was the prescribed pattern, and I followed it.

Yarns: Red Heart spring green, generic black, Red Heart royal, Mainstays gray

Hook: Ergonomic J

Pattern: Simple stitch crochet baby blanket from Easy Crochet

Size: 26 inches by 32 inches

When Fun Isn't Fun Anymore

As I have reconsidered the ideas of fun and play as an adult, I have realized that at some point, fun isn't fun anymore. I have exceeded my therapeutic dose. I am expecting something productive out of my play, which makes the fun unproductive. I have regimented fun to the point that I have taken joy out of it. Or I have just lost interest. These are all factors to consider when creating a plan to incorporate more fun into life, especially if fun is to have its intended purposes.

To give some examples, I find meal planning fun. I looked forward to it before I got married, and each month, when I write out our calendar of meals, I feel somewhat excited, maybe even giddy about the fun food we can make. Then it comes to grocery shopping and cooking. The store is out of ingredients, or the ingredients exceed our budget. Maybe I do not have time to cook the meals. Suddenly, the fun goes out of menu planning and menu planning becomes work. While cooking certainly contains work, I want it to be fun. If I want it to be fun, I have to consider adding in some flexibility with my planning, meaning I get less disappointed when I cannot make the meals I planned. Similarly, I might need to break up cooking so that I am not exhausted when the time comes to make my fun recipe. If the goal is just to feed my family, I have to push through the tiredness. If I want to have fun, I might as well wait, because cooking while tired is not very fun.

I like social media. Finding new recipes for my meal planning from Pinterest excites me. Poignant quotes touch my heart. Seeing photos of friends and family on Instagram and Facebook warms my heart. At some point, though, social media proves the law of diminishing returns. There is nothing new to see, yet I keep scrolling trying to find some new stimulating content. To keep social media fun, I need to set it down. I need to step away from time to time. When I find my sense of enjoyment decreasing, I need to stop. Scrolling until I am blotchy and bleary-eyed makes me angry about lack of productivity. I know. I said fun is supposed to be unproductive. It is, in that it does not have to have tangible tactile rewards. Lack of enjoyment, though, is a signal to reassess if the activity is really fun any more.

Running is my preferred source of exercise. I like having a training plan with a race on the horizon. These keep me motivated and on track. They encourage me to care for my body rather than abusing it. I have found that rigid plans, however, decrease my fun of running. Certain types of workout really bug me. They feel like work, rather than fun. Yes, some aspects of physical health include work, but I run mostly for my mental health, both to moderate stress, and to enjoy myself. Feeling forced to run, or run in a certain way really is not my thing.

Things that are usually fun are not always fun. Sometimes fun things lose their luster. Sometimes I overdo fun.  Sometimes I need a different dose of fun. I think the thing to remember is that the concept of fun is fluid. When fun is not fun anymore, it is time to reassess what I want, what I need, and what I need to do to purpose it, both for my health, and for the health of my relationships with others.

Apple Recipe Round-Up (Year Two)

We should eat the seasons, right? And you know what season it is? Apple season. Apples are finally getting cheaper, and I am eating it up, literally. Below are a few apples recipes we have recently enjoyed:

Breakfast

Apple cinnamon baked oatmeal (Eating Bird Food)

Apple cinnamon cottage cheese breakfast bowl (Budget Bytes)

Apple pie high protein overnight oats (Bucket List Tummy)

Instant Pot apple pie steel cut oats (All Recipes) 

Pumpkin apple baked oatmeal (The Recipe Runner)

Three-ingredient flourless apple pancake (Food 52)

Desserts

Apple Betty (Better Homes and Gardens cookbook recipe)

Applesauce cake (Chocolate Covered Katie)

Easy and delicious paleo caramel apples (Rachl Mansfield)

Healthier homemade apple dumplings (Gourmet Done Skinny)

Two-ingredient apple oatmeal donuts (Kirbie's Cravings)

Two ingredient apple oatmeal cookies (Kirbie's Cravings)

Snacks and Sides:

Apple chai energy balls (Fit Foodie Finds)

*I substituted unsweetened applesauce for the honey, as I did not have apple chips.

Instant Pot apple pepper jelly (Sweet Pea's Kitchen)

Real Life Marriage: When The "Stuff" Comes Up

We have been married over two years now. The "honeymoon period" supposedly lasts 12-30 months, and I think we are past that. Our marriage has never been perfect, but real life is definitely hitting. "The stuff" is coming up. What is "the stuff"? You might be asking. The stuff that makes us tick. The stuff of how we are raised. Our pasts. Values that are not wrong, but that can be in competition. Stuff that can either get in the way, or has to get pushed out of the way so that we can grow stronger together.

What are some categories of "stuff" that comes up? I can think of five off-hand: family of origin, finances, false beliefs, habits, and doctrinal differences. Family of origin pertains to how we were raised. Every family has good and bad, and it starts to come out in marriage the longer we are together. We expect our spouse to act how our opposite gender parent acted. We expect that our spouse knows the same things as our parent. We expect from our spouses what our parents gave us. I have found myself inadvertently doing many of these things. When I realize that "stuff," I have a choice: keep on expecting, and get frustrated, or communicate and see what my husband can do. Telling my husband what I expect enables him to start to meet some of my unstated needs. Granted, they are needs based on how I was raised, but needs nonetheless. 

Our upbringing affects not only interactions, but how we handle important things, like money. Different families have different priorities. They spend money on different things. Right or wrong, this affects the blending of families. My idea of how much money we should spend on something may differ from my husband. His idea of a monetary priority may differ from mine. We had different ways of handling money as single people, versus now. When I remember that my way is not necessarily the right way, my husband and I can have conversation about the "stuff," realize it is just "stuff," and channel our spending on "stuff" to benefit our relationship.

As the "honeymoon phase" wears off, more of our own struggles come out. I have become increasingly aware of my own narratives, the stories I have told myself for years about life, my life in particular. A lot of them are negative. They do not benefit our marriage. But as the intoxicating effects of love wear off and the hard work stage sets in, I have to fight for both love and for truth.

We have habits about everything from meals to bedtimes to holidays. We base habits consciously or subconsciously on previous experiences. Maybe we love family meals and want them all the time. Maybe family meals feel foreign. Maybe bedtime meant TV, or not. Some families have traditions. Some do not. Traditions are very important to me, but enforcing my traditions on my husband makes our family about my family. We need to form traditions for us.

My husband and I share the same faith. We agree on a lot of basic doctrines. The longer we stay together, though, the deeper we go in our personal study of the Bible. The more we study the Bible together at church. The more we explore divergences of belief. We were raised in different churches and have different faith histories. This can divide us, or provide opportunity for us to study together and strengthen our theology. 

All marriages have stuff. It comes up all the time, but perhaps becomes more prominent as life becomes more "real." We are always building up our own reservoir of "stuff," too, bad habits we have gotten into, negative patterns of communication, etc. Our hope is to recognize "the stuff" before it becomes engrained, because we know as counselor Debra Fileta says, "We have a tendency to default to what is familiar rather than what is healthy." We want what is healthy. We work for it. Sometimes we fight for it because putting good stuff into our marriage is worth it.

Date Night Jar

Lacking inspiration for date night? I have an idea for you. Well, my good friend had an idea for me, and it is working great, so now I pass it on. What is that idea? The Date Night Jar: a jar filled with popsicle sticks containing date prompts. Some are silly. Some are serious. Some cost money. Some are free. All provide inspiration for spending quality time together.

What do you need to make this jar?

I followed the tutorial by Tastefully Eclectic, but you can really make the jar any old way you want. I repurposed a coconut oil jar (cleaned out of course) and wrote in permanent marker in craft sticks I bought from Wal-Mart.

How do you make this jar?

I sourced date night ideas from google searches, but you could write your own, or even ask your spouse to contribute ideas.

When do you use this jar?

Anytime, but especially when it's date night (yes, you should set aside a night for it!) and you have not planned. You could also use the jar to spontaneously surprise your spouse. Maybe their day is bad and you want to cheer them up. Maybe there is something to celebrate. Maybe you just want to date your spouse. No reason is a bad reason to date your spouse!

Why use this jar?

To visually remind your spouse that you value him or her. To keep you accountable for romancing your spouse. To keep your priorities straight. To enrich your marriage. To maintain a spirit of play. And more!

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Do you have to make a date night jar? No. Maybe you have other ways to keep dating alive in your marriage. This is just an idea to promote quality time with your spouse, because quality time is a jar you always want to be filling.

Good Communication: Self-Aware and Selfless

I have been expressing my needs a lot lately, specifically to my husband. I don't like it, but I have realized it is necessary. Why? Because my husband has no way to know what I need unless I tell him. Expecting him to read my mind is inherently self-centered.

My revelations about marriage continue the longer I am married, but this one came about in a specific circumstance. My husband went out of town and I asked him for a communication plan. Why? Because I felt like I bothered my husband with my communication the last time he was away. Because I wanted to stay connected with him. Because I know that I fear distance and constantly need reassurance. Because I believe that a good marriage requires continual communication. That is a research-based fact.

As I talked to my husband about how to communicate while he was gone, I realized that I was asking him to communicate with me, and not offering anything in return. I was expecting him to know when I might need or want communication, but not offering any feedback. Furthermore, I was not asking what he needed. How self-centered! The world does not revolve around me. I have to reach out if I want someone to reach in.

My husband and I worked on continual communication while he was gone this time. That required both of us to reach out, perhaps beyond our comfort zones. Our communication grew our marriage, though. It grew my awareness that we both have needs and that we both need to communicate about them. It is selfish to say I want communication and then never communicate. Good communication requires self-awareness, knowing my needs, but also selflessness--communicating those needs and looking out for the needs of my husband, too.