Savor

The breath caught in my throat. It almost hurt. I saw the lights in the windows. I saw the decorations, but I was glued to my phone, trying to cram in my readings for the day, reviewing my to-do list, adding items to the grocer order, walking quickly because I was already late. I just want to enjoy this season, yet it is flying by. I want to stay, linger, stand and stare. Revel in the beauty, but just like that morning, for the most part, I am not. I'm rushing, flying around like there is no tomorrow. There may, in fact, be no tomorrow. We're not promised it. Isn't that more reason to rest, relish, enjoy today? It hasn't been for me. It has been one more reason to get things done, to hurry and scurry so maybe, just maybe, if there is a tomorrow, and tomorrow is less busy, I will get the chance to rest. That chance never comes, though. The time I find, I fill, because I live in scarcity. It is not a good way to live.

I have already given up many things this season: baking plans, event attendance, etc. I have not even listened to Handel's Messiah, which is a family tradition. We got our Christmas cards out late. We used labels rather than hand-addressing (and let's be honest, cards went out mostly because my husband made the labels and put on most of them). I have "wrapped" most gifts in bags. My husband and I chose not to exchange gifts this year. Still, the season is crazy.

Believers have a saying, "Keep Christ in Christmas." What is left when we take Christ out? Mas, the Spanish word for more. I feel like that has become what Christmas is about: more. More events. More gifts. More cards. More. More. More. The simple beauty of the season gets lost.

I cannot fix my scarcity mentality overnight. In reality, there is still a lot to do. For the remaining time until Christmas, though, I am trying to savor what I can: the lights, the sights, the songs. I double back on my walking route to see the store window decorations downtown for a second time. I actually look in the windows. We keep the Christmas lights burning in our tree to whatever hour we stay up. I take lots of pictures. The season is flying by, but I can still savor it, or at least little bits of it. This I seek to do, not from a place of scarcity, of worrying about losing the season, but from a place of enjoyment. This season really is beautiful, and worth soaking in.