Real Life Marriage: Traditions

'Tis the season to be jolly? Or is it? Thanksgiving through Christmas is a great time of year, but it can also be difficult. There are lots of demands on time. Families can clash. Stress and strife can reign, but they don't have to. We can choose how we go through the holidays. Traditions help us do that.

My husband and I hold very similar values, but come from different backgrounds. The longer that we are married, the more we navigate our own traditions. So far, we have not come up on any real conflicts, but we recognize that the holidays can hold conflict, and we try to avoid it. How? By combining traditions where we can, compromising where we can't; and by making new collective traditions that are special just to us.

Let me give some examples:

Combining: Both of our families open one present on Christmas Eve, so this tradition is a no-brainer. When we host Christmas, we go with our joint tradition. 

Compromise: My husband's family decorates for Christmas after Thanksgiving dinner. This is a little stressful for me, especially when I have just cooked a meal. Since my husband does most of the decorating, though, I let him have at it. (Truthfully, he does a better job than I do.) As far as family goes, we are still figuring that out, but we agree that we should alternate between families, where feasible. Since I like staying home for the holidays, my husband proposed that we give ourselves the off-year holidays.

Collective: My best friend gifted us an ornament made from our wedding program for our first Christmas. Last Christmas, we decided to make a tradition of buying an ornament to represent each year. Last year, we purchased one with masks and sanitizer due to the COVID pandemic. This year, we purchased one that had to do with our weekly traditions (more on that later, maybe). Each Christmas, we take photos to use for a card, and we work together to send out the cards. Around Christmas, we also choose a new marriage devotional practice for the year and purchase a new book, if needed. These are our traditions. 

Traditions aren't be all end all. Being black-and-white about them does not help holiday stress. Having them gives us something to look forward to in the season, though. The traditions help us shape our own identity. We do them while they work, and when they don't, we have grace, or we start new traditions. That is the beauty of real life!