In Defense of the Traditional Female Gender Role

If you would have told me I'd be saying this a few years ago, I would have said, "No way." If you would have told me I'd be married even a few years ago, I would have said, "Nah." But things change. People change. And so while what I'm about to write may shock a few people, it's a result of the above mentioned ability to change. And this is it: Maybe a woman's place really is at home.

I always railed against the idea of the domestic housewife. I wanted to do more. Be more. I felt that being "just" a housewife was menial, demeaning. I subscribed to the biblical idea of complimentarian gender roles, in that I needed to submit to men in leadership, and a husband if I ever had one, but thought I could do that and be an aspiring career woman. Well that changed.

I returned to my full-time (plus!) job just two weeks after my husband and I got married. I attempted to keep the same pace and focus, but things just weren't the same. I wanted to work, wanted to help, but also wanted to be home to care for my husband. I felt very guilty when I got home after him or had to have him make dinner because I was late. He was totally willing to help cook when he could, but I felt that as a wife, cooking was my job.

I had career aspirations, things I wanted to do and accomplish. I still have them, kind of. I have things I want to do and explore. I like learning. All pales in comparison to wanting to be a good wife, though. Career takes at least second place, if not third or fourth or lower.

My husband has taken on some of the household chores as we've been married longer. He says it's only fair if he has time and I'm working full-time. That makes sense, but marriage isn't all about fairness. I know that household chores aren't my husband's favorite. It blesses him if I do them. I want to bless him.

The more I talk to wives and moms, the more I find women in the same situation as me. They find that they cannot work full-time and keep up with their house and family as they want, so they work part-time. One woman told me that she lost all career motivation when she got married and subsequently became a mom. She might still work, but she is not as interested in the prospects. Several of the bloggers I follow had dramatic career changes after marriage and child bearing. It's a trend.

Marriage changes things. Marriage changed (and is changing!) me. I like working. I think I might be bored if I stayed at home all day and didn't see an outside soul. But I don't think work is what I was created to do as a wife. Home is where my heart is. Even if/when I am working that is my place, and that is where my greatest focus lies.