Marriage: Worth the Work

My husband and I talked about divorce recently. No we weren't talking divorce. We were talking about it, and about why it isn't an option for us. First of all, we have a covenant marriage, so it would be hard to get a divorce. Secondly, and more importantly, we have realized that marriage is a lot of work, and we don't want to throw our work away!

We read in a marriage book early on that divorce doesn't fix things. What it does do is make you start all over. With all the work. With all the learning. With all the unlearning. It can be a lot to have to give up and then start over. I am not here to judge people who choose divorce. I am here to argue for why marriage is worth hard work.

Marriage is a process of learning, about each other, about communication, about life. As we learn more about each other each day, hopefully we grow in understanding, mercy, grace, and patience. (These can benefit our marriage!) In learning about each other, we often have to communicate (or fall flat when we don't). We learn what works, what doesn't, and what we can do better next time, if we choose. There is something so eye-opening about doing life with another person who sees things differently. It can be annoying when they point out things I don't want to see, but it can also enhance beauty.

Marriage requires a lot of self-sacrifice. Self-sacrifice hurts. It also leaves more room for forming joint identity. Joint identity is what makes marriage work, and last.

If I started all over (and I have committed not to), I would not only throw away what I have learned so far. I would have to unlearn all of it and then start over. I don't want to throw away any of God's gifts, so hard work or not, I am sticking with it. Marriage is a blessing from God, and worth the work, (or as my husband hashtags everything, #worthit!)

More Life Hacks for the Busy Woman

I wrote a post last summer about life hacks for the busy woman. While there is really no way to "save time," (there are always 24 hours a day), I continue to look for ways to improve functioning in this busy life. Here are some additional ideas:

Bake in containers that have covers. No need to transfer food from cookware to container. Just cool, seal, and store.

Bake muffin foods in a large pan. It is quicker and the large pans are easier to clean than muffin tins.

Bake in lined muffin tins if you need single servings and/or need to store (or freeze). Use paper muffin liners, though. They are cheaper, take up last space in the trash, and are biodegradable. You still have less dishes, so so win!

Keep a few meals in the freezer. Pinch of Yum has a great list. Pinterest also has a wealth of resources. For that matter, keep staples on hand in the freezer: raw meat, grated cheese, and cookie dough balls. (I have frozen a variety of cookie dough balls. Handle the Heat has a good article about this.)

Cook once, eat twice. If you can, make a double portion of whatever you are having. Either freeze half for later, or eat it twice in the week. (We personally make two meals a week and eat them every other day until they are done, which usually carries us to the weekend.)

Have a spot for everything, and keep everything in its place. Looking for things takes a lot of time. If you take a few seconds to put them away right the first time, it saves lots of time and angst in the long run.

Keep several trash liners in the trash can. That way you don't have to hunt for a bag when you take out the trash. Just remove and reline all at the same time.

Put whatever you can on autopilot. I got this term from Tanya Dalton in her book, The Joy of Missing Out. Chores, meal plans, laundry, you name it. Things on a schedule reduce decision fatigue of trying to decide when to schedule them. Yes, sometimes this means I do something before it needs to be done (eg chores after a few days vacation), but then I don't have to think about it again until the next week.

Don't multi-task. Do schedule sequentially. I am learning this from my husband. Multi-tasking takes time because our brains are not meant to handle more than one thing at once. Doing things sequentially (like making one batch of granola after another, or taking care of all the laundry matters at once) saves time, because it reduces time taken moving around from task to task.

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I don't have this busy woman thing figured out. Ask my husband how often I complain that I need to be more productive! I do hope that I can continue to figure out ways to make life work so that I am faithful with what I have, though. Please share any tips or tricks you have on this subject in the comments!

Running Helps Me Believe in Myself.

It’s been over two years since I last ran this far. I tarried getting out the door, in part because I just wasn’t sure of myself. I’d been low on sleep. I’d had health issues. I’d come back from breakthrough COVID. I’d been stressed. I’ve been scared running will lower my immunity and I’d get sick again. With things the way they were, I wasn't (and still aren't) even sure the 10K I’d been training for would happen. But I decided to try to get in my long run. I got up. I drank some water. I ate (a new skill I’m trying—fueling before and after running). And I started. My goal was to get to the canal path, a place I’ve wanted to go since we moved a few years ago, but it’s far, like over two miles away far. The stoplights and crosswalks didn’t exactly agree with me. I’m bad with directions. I had to wander a bit to get there, but I made it! And then I started that run. I even got to run to one end (and through a parking lot to get to halfway miles). But then I had to run home, a long way home.

I felt a bit tired on the way home. (I should’ve run with water and food.) My legs felt heavy. I told myself to get to the next stoplight, and the next stoplight, and the next one, and the next one, and then home. And I made it! I actually made it. The simultaneous relief and exhilaration I felt was palpable.

Running is not the be all, end all. I will never say that it is. For me, though, it has been so powerful. This day reminded me of that. Among other things, running shows me that I can do hard things. It shows me that sometimes "mind over matter" really works. When I accomplish the hard things, it increases my confidence in myself. I am willing to try (and perhaps fail) at other things. Running helps me believe, in myself, in my body, and in the wonderful Creator who made such a body to even be able to run. To Him be the glory!

Afghan 68

Do you believe it? I actually ventured outside my normal ergonomic crochet hook and Red Heart/Mainstays yarn! The impetus was an airplane trip and not wanting to tote my current afghan along. My husband had some fuzzy yarn left over from one of his projects (he knits), and I asked if I could have it to make another afghan from my bucket list. It turns out fuzzy yarn does not go that far. I needed three skeins to finish, and at over $8 a skein, it got a little pricey. Still, this afghan turned out thick, rich, and quite lovely. I expect that it will make a good "tummy time" blanket.

(Does the pattern look like camo, or flowers, or ??? I get different answers)

Pattern: Quick fuzzy baby blanket (Cute and Cozy Crochet)

Hook: N (The pattern recommended a P, but the largest I had was an N.

Finished size: 30 x 41 (Theirs was 33 x 35, so mine was narrower and longer.)

Cheap(Skate) Dates

Dates are important. They add adventure. They add spontaneity. They add fun. They allow married couples to form memories together. But what happens when funds run few, or ideas run low? Enter this twelve month plan for cheap(skate) dates. At $10 or less (based on my own spending), these outings are hopefully within the budget of ever couple.

January

Go to a new grocery store to peruse for ingredients (free).

*If you want to make a purchase, feel free to save grocery budget funds for this.

February

Make a Valentine's Day treat (free using ingredients in the cupboards, or less than $10 if purchasing ingredients).

March

Run your own 5K.

*If you have never run 5K  before, I recommend starting training in January. I use Hal Higdon plans.

April

Go kite-flying. (Borrow a kite, or buy a cheap one.)

May

Celebrate Cinco de Mayo with tacos! (Make your own, or purchase affordable tacos at a fast food restaurant such as Taco Bell.)

June

Explore a new park (free in your local neighborhood, or negligible gas to drive to a neighborhood with lights)

July

Watch the fireworks (free in your local community or on television).

August

Dollar menu dinner (Check local fast food restaurants for costs.)

*We ate at Del Taco.

September

Labor Day board games (free from the closet, or under $10 to purchase a new game)

October: 

Pumpkin carving (under $10, if purchased at a grocery or other retail score)

November:

PJs and puzzle (under $10 on Amazon, delivered!)

December:

Christmas lights walk (free in your local neighborhood, or negligible gas to drive to a neighborhood with lights)

Top Five Tacos

Okay, okay. So you don't want to commit to 52 weeks of tacos. We've rounded up our top five recipes, and without further ado, I present them to you:

1. Chicken tacos with Alabama BBQ sauce (Taste Made) (My husband's favorite, and my second favorite)

2. Instant Pot black beans tacos with avocado crema (With Two Spoons) (So many layers of flavor!)

3. Guinness chicken tacos (The Kitchen Paper) 

4. Instant Pot ground turkey tacos (Eating Instantly) with Old Bay crema (Cooking with Cocktail Rings)

5. Peaches and cream breakfast tacos (Mountain Mama Cooks) 

Runners up:

Red chicken curry tacos (Fit Men Cook)

Greek salad tacos (Work Week Lunch)

BBQ chicken tacos (Tastes Better from Scratch)

Black eyed pea tacos (Great Grub, Delicious Treats)

Southern veggie tacos (Campbell’s)

Real Life Marriage: Relying on the Lord

You think when you marry a person that you are marrying your soulmate. You think that you are marrying your helpmate. You think that you have someone you can completely rely on. You may believe that you will have forever companionship. Lord willing, you will, until death do you part. But no one tells you that marriage will also cut you off from your support system. A godly marriage is such that it cleaves you to your spouse like nothing else. In doing so, it also distances you, at least to an extent, from other parts of your previous support system. Then, when you feel distant from your spouse, you feel alone like never before. All you have left is Christ. He is all you ever had anyway, but now you really feel it.

A spouse is not meant to fulfill you. A spouse is not perfect. He or she will fail. When they do, it hurts. It hurts a lot. It is scary. To take it out on them, though, would be sin, so you have to go to the Lord. You have to ask the Lord (again) to fulfill you and take care of you, for only He can do so perfectly.

Marriage reveals to you the depth of your pride, and how easily you sin. Yes, your spouse may sin, but so do you, and you often sin in response to sin. Marriage shows you, in a very painful way, how much you need the Lord.

I don't know if I have ever had to pray as hard, or recite as many scriptures, or sing worship songs (often tearfully) or preach truth to myself as often as I have had to do in marriage. Don't get me wrong. Singleness was hard. I love my spouse, and I am so grateful to God for our marriage. It isn't easy, though. It makes me need the Lord like nothing else. It make me rely on the Lord like nothing else. This is what I should have been doing anyway. Praise God that though often painful, he has brought me to this good thing called marriage to reveal this again and again to me.

Best Books of 2021

Well, I managed to read 65 books this year. (It helps that I read some for work.) Yes, I did count the Bible, too. It took me a year on a reading plan, but it is a book, so I counted it. (Or should I count the 66 books? That would put me over 100 books for the year!) Anyway, here is my round-up of best reads:

Cookbooks:

Healthy Meal Prep: Time-Saving Plans to Prep and Portion Your Weekly Meals by Stephanie Tornatore and Adam Bannon of Fit Couple Cooks—These authors (a trained chef and his creative partner) put a lot into this cookbook! Readers get twelve weeks of meal prep, each with four meals (1 breakfast and 3 main meals to rotate), which will feed a person for six days. Meals are each 400-600 calories (nutrition facts included). They are healthy without containing too strange of ingredients or being too healthy. There are photos for each meal of every prep. Every prep tells how to do it step by step, and there are shopping lists, too. Tips throughout help readers know how to buy, prep, store, reheat, and so much more. This is a gem of a resource!

Runner up:

The Instant Pot Electric Pressure Cooker Cookbook: Easy Recipes for Fast & Healthy Meals by Laurel Randolph—Simplistic at times, drool worthy at others, I can see why this cookbook has sold over half a million copies. It contains pressure cooker basics and tips about healthy eating. With recipes for breakfasts, dinners, dessert, staple sauces and beyond, the cookbook has something for everyone at every meal. Ingredients are generally not too exotic, either. While I know I do not want to make a few recipes, I would say on the whole, that this cookbook has more recipes than I have time to make, which makes it not just a reference, but a resource for years to come. I might even want to get a larger Instant Pot and some more equipment!

*I own this one thanks to a gift from a friend.

Christian/spiritual:

Seeing Beautiful Again: 50 Devotions to Find Redemption in Every Part of Your Story by Lysa TerKeurst—A collection of devotionals formatted into a beautiful book makes this a treasure trove of a resource for now and the future. Each devotional starts with a Scripture and ends with a prayer. TerKeurst shares authentically about many of her own struggles (even her husband's infidelity) and how she has seen God work through them. She writes a lot about forgiveness, a bit about marriage, and a lot about being human. In the end, she concludes that, “Seeing beautiful again requires us to stay moldable by God” (p. 246). Staying moldable is good reason to read this devotional and begin looking for beautiful all over again.

*My mom gifted me this one.

Runner up:

Let The Nations Be Glad: Third Edition by John Piper—“Missions is not the ultimate goal of the church. Worship is.” With this quote, Piper sets off on a biblical reflection of what missions and is and is not. He preaches that God’s glory must be over all. He writes of the importance of suffering, prayer, and the doctrine of hell. He writes against the prosperity gospel and for compassionate hearts that desire the salvation of souls from hell. He writes of how the gospel must go to all peoples and all nations. Accessible, yet written in Piper’s very thorough style, this is a book for all believers, because whether they send or go, God calls all believers to the cause of missions.

Fiction:

The Shoebox by Francine Rivers—This is a beautiful short story about Timmy, a sweet foster boy living with Mary and David Holmes. Timmy carries a shoebox with him everywhere. He is the only one who knows what’s in it, that is until he becomes a wise man in the Christmas play and lays his shoebox at the feet of baby Jesus. Then the author reveals a view from heaven. This sweet book includes lovely sketches, recipes from the author and her family, and the biblical Christmas story at the end. Short, but poignant, reading this could become a family tradition.

Runner up:

The Innkeeper by John Piper (11/30/21)--A unique Christmas book with beautiful paintings, this tells the story of the innkeeper who housed Joseph and Mary. Piper supposes that this innkeeper lost his son when Herod ordered the killing of all the young boys after the wise men announced Jesus' birth. In poignant poetry, Piper writes of Jesus visiting this innkeeper and recounting how the innkeeper's sacrifice will result in a sacrifice to save the world. This is a different look at Christmas, but an important one at that!

Marriage:

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman, PhD and Nan Silver—This may be one of Gottman’s best books yet! Based on empirical research, but made extremely practical through questionnaires and exercises contained in the book, these principles for making marriage work, and work well, are accessible to everyone! This book reinforced to me the importance of softened start-ups, accepting a spouse and treating them with love no matter their differences, and acknowledging dreams, even if they are no feasible. The book ends with the “Magic Five Hours” that keep marriages strong. Couples can easily invest five hours a week in their relationships, Gottman asserts, through rituals about partings, reunions, admiration and appreciation, affection, and a two hour weekly date. Marriage takes work, but it is doable work, and the positive benefits for health, relationships, and beyond are well worth the investment!

Runner up:

Now You’re Speaking My Language by Gary Chapman—I expected this book to be primarily about marital communication, but found it to be about much, much more. Chapman writes with a strong gospel emphasis, as well as sound psychological principles. He challenges readers to a higher calling for marriage, to live like Christ instead of for themselves. Chapman places an emphasis on intimacy and lays a theological, as well as practical grounds for building it. This is honestly one of the best and most helpful books I have read of Chapman’s and I wholeheartedly recommend it to Christian couples!

Running:

(This is a new category this year, replacing COVID from last year. It seems apt....)

Run to the Finish: The EverydayRunner’s Guide to Avoiding Injury, Ignoring the Clock, and Lovingthe Run by Amanda Brooks (6/2/21)—This is probably the best book about running I have read so far! The author, a journalist and a run coach, blends tongue-in-cheek humor, personal anecdotes, science, and just enough mindset work to make the book accessible and applicable to runners of all kinds. Beginner runners can find what they need. Recreational runners ready to make running a lifestyle can find what they need. There is good marathon training and recovery advice for those wanting to increase training, as well as a few training plans for improving speed. The book has reasonable advice for warm-ups, strength work, and nutrition as well. It is refreshing to read a book by a “middle of the pack” runner, and upon finishing, I felt renewed in my desire to run, and to make adjustments to my current routine so that I can “run to the finish.”

Runner up:

26 Marathons: What I Learned About Faith, Identity, Running, and Life From My Marathon Career by Meb Keflezighi with Scott Douglas (3/5/21)—Meb Keflezighi is apparently a running icon, one I never knew until this book. A naturalized citizen who came to the United States as a refugee, Meb fought his way into marathoning and record making through blood, sweat, and tears. In this book chronicling the 26 marathons of his professional career, Meb writes about repeated injuries, comebacks, and the mindset that got him so far. Meb repeatedly writes about how the marathon parallels life. When life is tough, the tough dig in deep, and that is exactly what Meb did.

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Readers, what are your favorite books of the year? Please share in the comments section!

Taco Tuesday: A New Tradition

We started a new tradition last year: Taco Tuesday. And we did it Every. Single. Tuesday. Sometimes it was a challenge, but mostly it was fun. I tried to theme the tacos around national holidays from the National Day Calendar. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. All in all, it was a fun tradition, and one we may continue into the new year (though with less strictness about having to eat the tacos on Tuesdays). Want to start the tradition yourself? I've got you covered with 52 weeks of recipes:

1. Tasty lentil tacos (Taste of Home)

2. Red chicken curry tacos (Fit Men Cook)

3. Black eyed pea tacos (Great Grub, Delicious Treats)

4. Instant Pot black beans tacos with avocado crema (With Two Spoons)

5. Potato-bacon breakfast tacos (Bon Appetit)

6. Oven baked supreme pizza tacos (All Recipes)

7. Cajun ground beef tacos (Cooked by Julie)

8. Sweet potato and black bean tacos (with honey and lime) (Cooking Classy)

9. Taco sandwiches (Food and Family)

10. Mexican meatball street tacos (I Wash You Dry) 

11. Guinness chicken tacos (The Kitchen Paper)

12. Philly cheesesteak tacos (This is Not Diet Food)

13. Vegan tacos with quinoa taco meat (My Crazy Good Life)

14. Cheddar beer chicken tacos (Cheese Curd in Paradise)

15. Grilled chili chicken tacos (The Defined Dish) with tomatillo salsa verde (Simply Recipes)

16. Southern veggie tacos (Campbell’s)

17. Taco dogs (Taste and Tell)

18. Salsa verde tacos (365 Days of Slow Cooking/Carlsbad Cravings)

19. Baked chicken tacos (Mason Woodruff)

20. Instant Pot cilantro lime pulled chicken tacos (The Girl on Bloor)

21. Extra cheesy beef oven baked tacos (Mason Woodruff)

22. Instant pot chicken tacos (The Recipe Rebel)

23. Chipotle lentil tacos (The Full Helping)

24. Greek salad tacos (Work Week Lunch)

25. Spicy black bean and caramelized onion tacos (Blue Apron)

26. Chicken tacos with pineapple salsa (Jessica Gavin)

27. Horseradish chicken tacos (Farm Flavor)

28. Lemon chicken tacos (Taste of Home)

29. Baked black bean tacos (Brooklyn Farm Girl)

30. Egg, green chile and cheese breakfast tacos (Recipe Runner)

31. Chicken tacos with peach salsa (Mix and Match Mama)

32. Creamy jalapeno chicken tacos (Eat at Home Cooks)

33. Chicken fajita tacos (Cuisine at Home)

34. Instant Pot ground turkey tacos (Eating Instantly) with Old Bay crema (Cooking with Cocktail Rings)

34. Peaches and cream breakfast tacos (Mountain Mama Cooks) 

35. BBQ chicken tacos (Tastes Better from Scratch)

36. Vegan tacos with acorn squash and black beans (Lotta Veg)

37. Peanut butter banana swirl tacos (Pepperidge Farms)

38. Street style beef tacos (Just Seasoned)

39. Vegan butternut squash tacos with chipotle crema sauce (This Savory Vegan)

40. Chili cheese tacos (Emily Bites)

41. Lamb tacos (Pinch and Swirl)

42. Roasted corn and zucchini tacos (Budget Bytes)

43. Pumpkin black bean tacos (Peas and Crayons)

44. Veggie tacos (Taste of Home)

45. Cajun chicken tacos (Foodal)

46. Sweet corn and black bean tacos (Cookie and Kate)

47. Baked vegetarian refried bean tacos (Veggie Balance)

48. One pot shredded turkey tacos (One Pot Recipes)

49. Mushroom and corn tacos (Real Simple)

50. Chicken tacos with Alabama BBQ sauce (Taste Made)

51. Buffalo chicken tacos (A Mind Full Mom)

52. Easy tofu tacos (A Couple Cooks)

Want more? Feel free to check out the recipes I have pinned on Pinterest. Or if you just want to make it easy, buy this cookbook on Amazon. Truth be told, this is really where I got inspiration for the Taco Tuesday trend, that and that my husband told me tacos are one of his favorite foods, a fact I previously did not know. The things you do for love...of husbands and tacos.

P.S. We ordered our "Ate a lot of tacos" ornament from Etsy, but sadly, it is no longer available. A similar one is here, though.