Everything I Read in September

I took a break from social media, and what do you know? I'm reading more, well, more fiction that is. While it is hard for me to read fiction during the week, I've been eating it up on the weekends! 

83) Enchantment: Awakening Wonder in an Anxious Age by Katherine May—Written by an English author post-COVID, this is an encouragement to see wonder every day. The book is easy to read, and poetic in some ways. The author encourages noticing, play, stewardship, and other “old,” but important values. She is pretty universalist in her understanding of God, though, seeing “god” everywhere. Although the book was written beautifully, I really can’t say I got enough out of it to recommend it. Also, since I believe in only one God who is the creator and orchestrator of wonder, is is unhelpful to me to read a book that is not promoting truth about Him.

84) A Broken Kind of Beautiful by Katie Ganshert—Davis Knight is no knight in shining armor. He is a broken man, working to build back his life as he takes care of the Greenbrier church. Ivy Davis is just as broken as he is, but in a different way. Once a sought after model, now she is back in town to model wedding dresses for her stepmother, a thing she is loathe to do, but must, as per her agent. Rich in redemption and gospel message, this is a must read. Readers will not only love the story, but fall more in love with the God who makes broken things beautiful, breaking even His own Son Jesus to redeem the world!

85) Five Days in Skye by Carla Laureano—Andrea Sullivan is bound and determined to win this marketing contract, and hopefully with it, a VP position at her company. James MacDonald could care less about the marketing. It is his brother Ian that called Andrea in. Andrea and James don't really hit it off, but there is more to each other than they realize. Andrea's colors start to shine as she interacts with James' family, especially his sister, Serena, and niece, Emma. James realizes that what Andrea really needs is not the contract, but a change to really be present and see Scotland. This is a bit of an advanced read, with some big words even I did not know. The book is heavy on cooking references, which is kind of fun. Although the story is a bit of a whirlwind (what more could I expect from a book with “five days” in the title), there is a lot to it, and mentions of Christianity and gospel (though not a clear presentation) along the way. This is a different read, and part of a series. I plan to read more to decide if this is an author I want to follow, or just one with whom I will make a brief stay.

86) London Tides by Carla Laureano—Not as good as Five Days in Skye, and definitely heavier, this is the story of James’ brother Ian and his one time fiancée Grace Brennan. Love is lost and won, lost again, and regained in a more redemptive fashion. Trigger warning for PTSD in this book, as we as some other adult content. I’d let this book go, but it’s story is important in that trilogy.

87) Sweetheart Bride by Lenora Worth—This was something to read, but not that great. The story line felt a bit forced. The Libby e-book I read contained some typos (minor, but enough to make me think the book was thrown together and/or not edited well). The author says the story about architect Nick Santiago and sisters Alma, Brenna, and Callie Blanchard is about restoration, and it is. Nick is restoring the old Fleur mansion. Alma is starting on married life. Brenna is an artist and art finder. Callie is a landscaper. Together, they are working on healing a house, and their individual and corporate lives. The idea of the story is good; it just seems like the story line might also be in need of restoration.

88) What I Talk About When I Talk About Running: A Memoir by Haruki Murakami—Part essay collection, part memoir, this is novelist Haruki Murakami’s reflections on a quarter century of running. There is nothing truly remarkable here, though some sentiments with which regular runners will resonate. I think I read this book because Kara Goucher mentioned it in hers. Overall, the book was just okay, like having a chat that helped me get to know about someone, but not really know them. I would really only recommend this book to people studying how to learn to combine writing and running, because that is what the book best reflects.

89) Under Scottish Stars by Carla Laureano—The conclusion to the MacDonald family trilogy, this book follows Serena Stewart, widowed sister of Jamie and Ian, as she returns to Skye and seeks to rebuild her trust in herself, and in others. She begins dating hotel manager Malcom Blake, but they both have a world of hurt to process. Serena's hurt is not just people hurt, but also hurt that keeps her from hearing God's voice and using her God-given talents. It takes almost losing love to remind her that God does love her and has a good plan for her. This book uses Scottish terminology to make it more authentic. It might be considered a bit edgy for Christian fiction, and I do wish it had a little more redemptive gospel message. Still, it was a good read, and a satisfactory wrap-up for the story of the Scottish MacDonalds.

90) The Ultimate Meal Prep Cookbook: One Grocery List, A Week of Meals, No Waste by America’s Test Kitchen—The title of this book is a bit misleading, in my opinion. When I think meal prep, I think make ahead and reheat. This is more of meal plan, meal prepare, and then spend 30 minutes or less cooking each night. While that form of meal prep doesn’t work for me at this stage of my life, the 25 meal plans, grocery lists, and plentiful recipes could be of great help to people who have time to cook each night. Each week’s menu has a shopping list. Each recipe has an accompanying photo. The recipes are a bit meat forward, but introduce a variety of proteins: beef, chicken, fish, shrimp, etc. The recipes are not super complex, but not super simple either. I like the value of “no waste” and plentiful substitution ideas. America’s Test Kitchen obviously put a lot of work into this book. (I recently read that they spend over $10,000 to develop each recipe!). With only 1/25 plans and one other recipe that appealed to me, however, this will not be a purchase for my meal prep cookbook library.

91) Song of the Broken-hearted by Sheila Walsh and Cindy Martiniano Coloma—Ava had a rough past, but now she has everything: a beautiful home, an accomplished handsome husband Dane, two children (Sienna and Jason), and a successful Broken Hearts ministry. The main reminder of her past is a willow tree in her yard. But the willow tree starts to die, and with it, her life begins to fall apart. As calamity comes, Ava must decide what to love and what to let go. This is quite an emotional book, with plenty of pain, and some unexpected new beginnings as well. As Dane says, “Sometimes losing everything is the best way to start something better.” Get ready for heartache when you read this, but also get ready for healing.

92) Speak Love by Annie F. Downs—Written for teen girls, but apt for everyone, this book explores what it means to speak love: to family, friends, self, and even celebrities. Once again, Downs covers the topic thoroughly, with her signature conversational style, as well as a firm grounding in theology. Each chapter contains a scripture for memory, additional Bible verses for studying, and questions for pondering. The book ends with a bonus 30 day devotional about living in love. This is a good read, as well as a potentially valuable resource for studying what it means to love better from a biblical perspective.

93) Let Them Eat Cake by Sandra Byrd—The book follows Alexandria (aka Lexi) Stuart as she moves home after college and tries to find her way in the world. She studied French and wanted to go to France, but never got there. She ends up working at a bakery, but will it be enough for her long term? This book handles some big topics well: including God’s will, church, dating, sexual purity, and a brief reference to recovery after (trigger warning) date rape for one of Lexi’s friend. A little cheesy, and probably geared more towards twenty-somethings, this book concluded with some real substance, which made me glad I read it.

94) Making Things Right at Work: Increase Teamwork, Resolve Conflict, and Build Trust by Gary Chapman, Jennifer Thomas, and Paul White—More a book on how to resolve conflict than build a team, this is an easy-to-read resource that could benefit any manager, and probably any worker. The accessible, short chapters cover topics like communication, apology, empathy, and more. Each chapter concludes with questions for group discussion. Written by psychologists and business consultants, this book has a good blend of anecdote and accessible, applicable strategies for use resolving conflict. Some of the activities suggested in the book do not align with the ethics code of my profession, but I valued the chapters about building trust through competence, consistency, and character. Sometimes there needs to be a right time to read a book, but anytime could be the right time to read the material in this one!

High Protein Zucchini Baked Oatmeal (No Protein Powder!)

Sweet zucchini bread flavor, baked oatmeal texture, protein, and a full cup of vegetables per serving? Yes! This a great way to use up late summer produce, and a great breakfast to boot.

P.S. Do you know what a food has to be to be called high protein? It has to contain at least or 20%, or 10 grams, protein (Bourianne, n.d.). This recipe clocks in about 22% and 10.5 grams of  protein!

Ingredients:

4 eggs
1/2 c applesauce

4 c grated zucchini

1 c rolled oats

2 t cinnamon

1.5 t baking powder

1/2 t salt

1/2 c water

Directions:

1. In a medium bowl, whisk eggs and applesauce.
2. Stir in grated zucchini.
3. Fold in the oats, spices, baking powder and salt.
4. Add and stir in water.
5. Place in a greased six cup glass baking dish.
6. Bake 45 minutes at 350 degrees.
7. Cool, and refrigerate before cutting into squares to eat.

 (Inspired by Real Kitchen and Beyond's baked zucchini oatmeal)

Reference:

Bourianne, T. (n.d.). View: FDA - nutrient content claims (Derived). Label Insight. https://helpdesk.labelinsight.com/hc/en-us/articles/360018102633-View-FDA-Nutrient-Content-Claims-Derived

The Only Thing Constant...

It has been said that the only constant is change. And man, is that ever true! I don't like change. It feels disquieting and unsettling. It feels unsafe it is unknownness. But it comes, like it or not. And change can be good, is often good. I just forget that.

It's been a year of technological change for me. Only one of the changes I wanted, and even that was because something broke, and I decided to buy a new one while upgrading something else. The changes have been frustrating, overstimulating, and sometimes routine upending. Yes, I am talking about first-world "problem" change, but the emotions exist within me nonetheless.

I have been having to navigate these changes by asking for help. I have been having to tell myself that these changes are good, or at least can be good. I am having to remind myself that God is God, even amidst the change. In the end, He will remain, even if all of these other things continue to change, and then do not exist.

As my husband aptly pointed out the other day, the only true constant is God. He is the one who can work all things together for good, in this life, and in the next. My technological changes are probably for the best, but when the harder, less preferred changes come, may I believe the same. "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever" (New International Version, 2011, Heb 13:3). Amen!

Reference:

New International Version. (2011). BibleGateway.com. http://www.biblegateway.com/versions/New-International-Version-NIV-Bible/

Knowing Jesus Does Make it Easier.

As I stepped out of the embrace of my husband, his shoulder drenched in tears, I thought, "Knowing Jesus doesn't make it any easier." But then I thought, "Actually, yes, yes it does. Knowing Jesus does make it easier."

Death is never easy. It is separation from a loved one in this life. It is painful, sad, heart-wrenching, real. Knowing Jesus does not make the emotional pain any less, but it does make the experience of loss different.

It has been a week now since the loss of my aunt. I have certainly shed tears over her death. At the same time, I have rejoiced that she is no longer in pain. I have celebrated that she is now with Jesus. I have remembered that she ran her race well, and with joy to the end.

Because of Jesus' my aunt's life had meaning, purpose. Because of Jesus, my aunt is not dead, but alive, with Christ, in heaven, Praise Jesus for that!

Knowing Jesus does not take away the pain of this life and this world, but it does make it easier. Friend, do you know him by faith, through grace? If not, may I plead with you to consider that journey? Admit that you are a sinner. Believe that Jesus Christ is a sinless savior able to pay for your sins. Confess Him as Lord. That's what my aunt did. I believe that's what she is doing today. She would want you, want us to join her. In and through Jesus, this is possible.

Afghan 77

Afghan 77 in the books! I actually started this one after another one. (I wanted a smaller blanket to pack for a trip, my trip to Fresh15, if I remember correctly.) Now, a skein and a half of yarn and six months later, here we are!

I used the easy crochet baby blanket pattern from Daisy Crafts for this one. I crocheted with my favorite size J Boye ergonomic crochet hook (the only one I use anymore) and Red Heart soft navy yarn. The blanket turned out an odd size: 28 x 39, but it looks okay.

Upward and onward! (I mean, I need to finish the afghan I started before this one....)

In Memoriam

It's never easy to lose a loved one, and today another one passed into glory. My only maternal aunt, mom of four, grandmother of two, and wife of one took her final breaths after a prolonged, painful struggle with cancer.

My aunt escaped death more than once. She nearly drowned as a child. She escaped eternal death through faith in Jesus as her Savior, and for as long as I have know her, she was always full of zest and joy for this life.

While I did not get to spend a lot of time with my aunt growing up, the times I did spend with her were very special. I spent part of a summer with her while my mom went back to nursing school. We enjoyed many special family reunions. My aunt was always a marvelous cook. In fact, she may be part of the reason I love oatmeal so much. She introduced me to Amish oatmeal, aka baked oats, at her house and I have not looked back since.

This aunt was always the practical and fashionable one, buying us nice, high quality clothes for Christmas. In fact, I still have and wear some of them today! She wrote long, newsy e-mails filled with details of her gardening, canning, pottery, and more. She poured into people like crazy, helping immigrants, single moms, the ill, and more.

While I did not get to visit my aunt before she died, I did get to write her a letter. She texted my mom that it was "undeserved." No, it was accurate, but that was the way my aunt lived: never deserving, always appreciative, always grateful.

After more than a year of fighting cancer, it finally took my aunt from us. Well, it took her from this life, but not from her eternal life. Jesus took her home to His home in heaven. We look forward to seeing her again one day soon.

Patriot Run 2023: Six Years Running

This was my sixth year running the Patriot Run. Patriot was my first 5K after moving back to Arizona in 2016, and for all but two years (2018 and 2020), I have kept up with the event. This was my third year at the 10K distance. As long as the Lord allows me to keep running, I think I will stick with this distance.

The Training

I once again sort of wrote my own training plan. I ran Hal Higdon's (n.d.a) novice 10 K training plan distances and did Nourish Move Love strength work (Bomgren, n.d.) during the week, and ran the intermediate plan distances (ish) on Saturday (Higdon, n.d.b). That got me up to a total of eight miles for my long run the week before the race. I only did speed work for the month or so before the race because it was hot, and well, I forgot until then. (I did speed workouts from the Women's Health (2015) plan I used run my spring 10K). Overall, it was a good and enjoyable build up, and honestly, I was just thankful to be well to run after being exposed to many sick people at work the week before the race.

Pre-Race

I kind of forgot about my normal race prep, too. I felt pretty chill about the race for most of the morning. While doing my hair and deciding to wear my Still I Run (n.d.) headband for mental health awareness, I was thinking about running for fun and what running means to me. That was about it. Then suddenly, about an hour before the race and around go time, I got shaky nervous. I still tried to do my warm-up stuff (physical therapy, climbing the stairs five times), and then I was off. I made my A, B, and C race goals in the car on the way to the race:

A-Run 8:30/mile or less pace

B-Get a course PR (Last year, I ran 53:38.)

C-Place

I also listened to, "Egypt" on the radio and committed the race to the Lord (Bethel Music, 2020).

I did my walk-up pickup of my bib and goody bag and drank 8 oz of water along with eating a large ripe banana. I chatted with some friends. Then I used the bathroom. (I think I am becoming a real runner by the amount of pre-race bathroom trips I make.) I did Lea Gender's (2020) warm-up and ran for five minutes. I could tell it was going to be a hot race! Then, I made another bathroom stop, and off to the start line.

Race

This is a pretty small race, so the start line is a chalk line. The timing is chipless. I got a new Apple Watch and decided to just run with it and see what happened as far as pacing myself.

I started with a friend, and then tried to pick up my pace a little. Still, that first mile was slow (8:53/mile). The second was a little better 8:45/mile), and at mile three, I felt like I was floating (8:26/mile). At 72 degrees and 38% humidity with full sun on parts of the course, though, I was already feeling thirsty, so I grabbed a cup of water at one of the stations. (They literally had people standing with a bottle of water and 1 or 2 Dixie cups. No water tables here!). I sipped and then dumped it over my head. That was the best decision ever! It cooled me off and felt like I had air conditioning for a bit.

I did not feel as great coming up on my fourth mile, though (8:30/mile). My mom remarked afterward, "You didn't look like the race was going quite like you wanted." She was probably right. When I saw my dad at halfway, though, I told him the second lap was for him, and I meant it. He's been through a lot post major surgery in June, and I wanted to fight for him, just like he's fighting for his recovery. That meant I had to work hard! I did feel like I was floating along for just a bit of those last miles (8:36 for mile five), but mostly, I felt a little nauseous as I tried to pick up the pace and catch people in front of me. I probably could have benefitted from some more water on in-run nutrition, but no time for that!

There was a guy in front of me clipping along at a good pace the last mile. I worked hard to close in on him. We ran together for a few steps, and then I was able to drop him. I told myself to go as hard as I could the last hundred meters or so, and I did my best. I had a true grimace face as I crossed the finish line! 

Post Race

I was breathing really hard post race. It took me a bit before I could drink my water. My watch said my pace was 8:32 a mile, which was two seconds slower than my A goal. The course came up short for me, but I later realized that if the course was a full 6.2, I had an 8:25/mile pace. Let's just say I was happy with the overall result of 52:18. I didn't take first place overall this time. (Those women were fast!) I did get first in my age group, however. I'll take it!

Thoughts

This was a hard fought race, not so much because I had to work hard at it, but because it's been a summer of hard stuff and changes for my family and I. I am so thankful to have been able to run through it, and to have made it to race day. Having my training plan work (helping me trust my body and my abilities more) and having three of the people I love most there to watch me were by far the best parts. As a bonus, I got to try out my new running watch and my husband used my new phone to catch some great photos. Blessings all. Thank you, Lord!

References:

Bethel Music. (2020, April 3). Egypt. [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uEeCl1KyXiI

Bomgren, L. (n.d.). Nourish Move Love. [YouTube channel.]. Retrieved September 9, 2023 from https://www.youtube.com/c/nourishmovelove

Genders, L. (2020, January 15). 6 weeks to a 10K training schedule. Lea Genders Fitness. https://www.leagendersfitness.com/news/6-week-10k-training-schedule

Higdon, H. (n.d.a). 10K training: Novice. Hal Higdon. https://www.halhigdon.com/training-programs/10k-training/novice-10k/

Higdon, H. (n.d.a). 10K training: Intermediate. Hal Higdon. https://www.halhigdon.com/training-programs/10k-training/intermediate-10k/

Still I Run. (n.d.). https://www.stillirun.org/

Women's Health. (2015, July 7). The training plan that'll help you run your first--or fastest!--10-K. https://www.womenshealthmag.com/fitness/a19981641/10-k-training-plan/

Real Life Marriage: Just Wait...

Life continues to be hard. Maybe life is just one long, hard season. Irregardless, by God's grace, I think we are finally making progress. Progress, not perfection, but progress nonetheless.

I never thought we would get to a point where we could miscommunicate, and actually fix it. I never thought I could actually tolerate the miscommunication and not melt down, to start with. And to then be able to talk through it and maybe not agree, but be able to remain in communication, in relationship? What a gift!

I often struggle to share my heart because I perceive judgment (from my husband and well, from a lot of people). He's starting to get that, and just listens, without feedback. I would like him to engage in conversation with me, but I am also not sure I am always strong enough to withstand his differing opinions. Maybe we will get there.

I recently started to realize and really feel that my husband supports the work that I do in my job. He says he always has. I guess I just started to notice it.

I never thought these things would come. I dared not even to hope. I had just accepted that we had some big differences and needed to love one another nonetheless. It is a gift from God that we are here. If I could have only told myself, "Just wait." 

Just wait to see what God will do. Wait and be faithful. It may turn out for good. It may be the same, but just wait. God's work awaits! 

Maybe That's What They Need, Too.

I feel such shame when I have emotional meltdowns. I wish they would not happen, especially with my husband whom I love so dearly. Most of the time, they are not his fault. He just gets the brunt of my nervous system going into collapse. Then, out of guilt and shame, I tend to stay away, ice him out, try to protect him from myself. There has to be a better way.

As we have navigated this season of hard and my many emotional struggles, I have come to the conclusion that maybe the best thing to do is not try to fight the meltdowns, but try to resolve them. Try to re-regulate as fast as possible and get back into relationship, because relationship is what co-regulates. Relationship is what heals. 

My husband has done a very gracious job of loving me through my emotions. He shows empathy and understanding. He accepts my apologies when I take things out on him. He loves me still.

And you know what? Maybe that's what those other people in my life need, too. Those other people with big emotional reactions to things. Those people who I think are doing me and those I love wrong. They're probably not trying to have outbursts, either. They're probably not doing anything intentionally, just like I'm not. Yes, if they sin, they should apologize, but that's between them and God. What's up to me is to allow them to come back, to show grace, to help them re-regulate, to invite them back into relationship.

Maybe that's what our world needs. Not a cover-up, but an acceptance of faults and flaws. An invitation to come back into fellowship to be loved. That's what God does. He never excuses our sin. He had to send Jesus to die for us! But he forgives again and again and again. He help right and re-right relationships. He offers an opportunity to learn a new way.

Learning a new way. That's what my husband is doing with me. That's what God does with me. Maybe that's what they need, too, those other people I've been so harsh to judge and even hate. God forgive me. I need your grace. That's what they need, too. 

Cleaning the Slate

Another person in my life cut off communication. It's happened before, but it still hurt. Some people walk away and never say goodbye. Some people say goodbye when I am not ready. Some relationships just drift apart, or fall apart. After the most recent situation, though, I decided that I wanted to be more intentional about my part.

I sometimes do not know what part I play in relationships that fail or fade. I decided that I want to reach out to those people and ask, though. Have I offended you? Have I hurt you? Have I wronged you? If so, I want to apologize. Few to no conflicts or fallings out are one-sided. If I have injured someone, I need to know, so I am asking. It is humbling. It might hurt, because I don't get a response, or because I do. But I want to know. I want to clean the slate if and where I can.

I have reached out to a few people so far. One has responded. I hope I can be brave and humble enough to reach out to any more that come to mind. I am not perfect. Life is short. I want to be faithful. To God be the glory!