Everything I Read in November

I read some really great books this month! Not only did I finish The Restoration Series by Dan Walsh and Gary Smalley, but I also consumed some great nonfiction, including, The Lazy Genius Kitchen, Soul Shift, and Roar! Thank you, library holds for coming through for me!

110) Perfectly Unique: Love Yourself Completely Just as You Are by Annie F. Downs—Written for teen girls, this is really a great book for anyone. Going head to toe, Downs writes about how God created each part of the body, and intends believers to use each part for His glory and the good of others. Each chapter ends with a “Chew On This” section complete with questions and scriptures for further study. Excellent for reading as a stand-alone book, or as part of a group study, I recommend this one!

111) The Promise by Dan Walsh and Gary Smalley—Jim and Marilyn Anderson are healing their relationship, and on their second honeymoon, but things are not right at home. Their oldest son Tom lost his job and has been living a lie. His wife finds out, and in the process, Uncle Henry helps the family uncover a negative family legacy being passed down from generation to generation. This is a good book about the importance of patient work towards reconciliation, the importance of speaking affirmation, and sticking together as a family. I look forward to reading the next book in the series!

112) The Lazy Genius Kitchen by Kendra Adachi—The is a really great book! Written in Adachi's signature personal style (with a side of sarcasm), it is easy-to-read, and clearly organized for easy accessibility. In the book, Adachi gives pep talks about focusing on seasons of life, and what really matters, rather than trying to do everything. Adachi encourages readers to be themselves and let everything else go. While Part 3 of the book does give specific kitchen tips, this is more of a book about life, and as Adachi says in her Lazy Genius podcast, "be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't," or as I would say "learn to let things go."

113) The Desire by Dan Walsh and Gary Smalley—Another one down in the Restoration series! This one follows Jim and Marilyn's daughter Michelle and her desire to be a mother. It parallels the story of Christina, an unwed mother in a crisis pregnancy, whom Marilyn is mentoring. The book exposes the struggles and trials of infertility, its effects on marriage, and more. It also shows the inner workings of individuals on both sides of adoptions. With a few twists readers might not expect, this is a sweet story that leaves room for further growth in book four!

114) The Legacy by Dan Walsh and Gary Smalley—The long awaited finale to The Restoration Series, this book follows Jim and Marilyn Anderson's son Doug, with a little bit of resolution to Allan and Michelle's story from book three. This book follows Doug as he makes poor choices and runs from his upbringing. Meanwhile, his friend Christina continues to walk the path of redemption while living with his parents. This story has all the elements I want: plot twists and turns, redemption, family, and a bit of romance. The book nicely concludes the series without tying up all the loose ends, but still sets the stage for the new Anderson family legacy. I think this was probably my favorite book of the series!

115) Prep and Rally: An Hour of Prep, A Week of Delicious Meals by Dini Klein—This is a cookbook I can get behind! Ten weeks of four meals to feed four people, centered around an hour of prep? Seems doable! Yes, there is some assembly required for the nightly dinners, but with lots of produce, good meats, and other whole food ingredients, it’s to be expected. There are SO many recipes in this book, too. With not only the meal plans, but leftover recipes, dessert recipes, and swap suggestions in the notes, this is really a treasure trove! I like making my own meal plans, so I probably won’t purchase this book, but for those who want all the steps of meal prep laid out, from shopping lists, to prep, to service, this is where it’s at!

116) Cimarron Refuge by Margaret Daley—Laura Williams comes to Cimmaron to start over. Her husband has been dead for almost a year. Her four children need a new start. Unfortunately, her son Sean’s anger quickly gets him into School Principal Peter Stone’s office. This starts an unlikely relationship with the man, for both of them. Peter has a past. Laura has a past. They all need forgiveness, reconciliation, and healing. Peter’s ranch and its abandoned animals bring some of it. Both adverse and awesome events bring the rest of it. With a few unexpected plot twists and a fairly cohesive storyline, this was a refuge of a short read.

117) A Family for Thanksgiving by Patricia Davids—Clay Logan left his family, and the girl he loved, Nicki Appleton, years ago. Now he is back, believing that God led him there. Nicki, meanwhile, has become the foster mother of Kasey, a child found abandoned after a tornado. Nicki is getting attached to Kasey, and trying to trust God. Clay is still attached to Nicki, and trying to trust God. There are other storylines involving loss, love, foster care, and adoption in this story as well. It isn't much about Thanksgiving, but well, it reminds people to be thankful for family, and that makes it a sweet read.

118) Soul Shift: The Weary Human’s Guide to Getting Unstuck and Reclaiming Your Path to Joy by Rachel Macy Stafford—This is a different kind of book—not spiritual, but not, not spiritual; not self-help, but self-help; not therapy, but therapeutic. In it, the author shares some of her own personal struggles to be present and collected. She suggests that by pushing boundaries, we devalue ourselves and those we love. By practicing self-care, we preserve what we have to offer the world. Each of the eight soul shift practices in the book contains questions to ponder, stepping stones to practice, and action steps to consider. Stafford’s writing is at times poetic, at times convicting, and always gentle. Like I said, this is a different kind of book, but maybe that’s because it’s about making a shift, and shifts feel a little uncomfortable at first.

119) Deck the Halls by Arlene James—This book’s title insinuates a Christmas tale, but really, it starts with Thanksgiving. Low and luck and low on love, Jolie Wheeler meets Vince Cutler first because she received his mail, and then because she needs his auto shop to work on her car. They develop a friendship that stretches and grows them in more ways than one. The Cutler family invites Jolie first to Thanksgiving, and then to more and more family functions. Meanwhile, Jolie is working her way into Vince’s heart, and his into hers. This is sweet tale about food, family, forgiveness, and love. It’s a very sweet read to prepare for the holiday season.

120) Roar: How to Match Your Food and Your Fitness To Your Female Physiology for Optimum Performance, Great Health, and a Strong, Lean Body for Life by Stacy Sims—“Women are not small men.” This is the famous quote from researcher and author Stacy Sims. There is a lot more to it than that, though. This book shares lots of research about how women differ from men, and how, as a result, they need to care for themselves and train differently. Sims shares specific ideas for fueling, dealing with GI issues, maintaining mental health (spoiler alert, women need carbs) and more. Though some of the research is a bit too high level for me to want to apply, this book encouraged me to consider my unique physiology instead of just following general recommendations which generally, are based on male needs.

121) Building a Perfect Match by Arlene James—Petra Chatam is trying to make her way in life. Meanwhile, she has two men who want her attention, and they couldn't be more opposite. Dale Bowen is a handsome hometown carpenter, and Garth Anderton is a wealthy hotel owner, and Petra's boss. Petra will have to choose between them, literally, but first she has to decide what she wants out of life. The author tried to infuse this one with meaning, but it seemed trite and too much like soap opera to me. The attempts to depict a good working wife and mother seemed inauthentic and a bit forced. I would like a little more substance, and I guess a little more substance with the takeaway message, too. This one did not sell me.

122) The Body Revelation: Physical and Spiritual Practices to Metabolize Pain, Banish Shame, and Connect to God with Your Whole Self by Alicia Keeton—I tried to like this book. Really, I did. I do believe that trauma manifests in the body, and that connecting to God and the whole self can help in the healing process. Somehow, though, I could not really get into this book. I had a hard time reading about trauma from someone who is not a certified professional. Yes, Keeton referenced therapists, but as a personal trainer, the discussions seemed a little bit outside her scope. She also made a lot of Bible references that came across like theological statements, rather than references made for encouragement or study. I guess I felt duped into thinking that this would be a holistic healing book, and instead, it felt mostly like an attempt to preach the health/wealth/prosperity gospel from a trauma-informed lens. While I did glean a few insights in reading, this book was not the revelation I hoped it would be.

I Learned Something....

I tried to go to the grocery store between my workout and breakfast. Tried is the key word because spoiler alert: I did not make it. I got home only in time to set down groceries, get dressed for work, kiss my husband, and head out the door. I was frustrated. I was slightly upset. I tried something new, though. Instead of following the self-deprecating path those emotions generally lead me down, I tried saying, "I learned something." I learned how long it takes me to go to the grocery store and back.

I thought I could make it to the store in 30 minutes. I only had 22, but thought, "Well, I'll give it a try." Well, I did give it a try, and it did take 30 minutes, but that 30 minutes did not leave enough margin to get dressed and eat breakfast. I learned something.

I have a bad habit of trying to fit too much into my days. Yes, I stress about "chores" such as grocery shopping until they are done, but I have to consider the trade-off: stress because I have not yet done the chore, or stress because I did the chore when I did not have time to do it. I learned something.

Am I still upset that I missed breakfast with my husband? Yes. Am I still slightly upset at myself? Yes, but I learned something. I learned that I can approach some things in life not as pass/fail, but as learning opportunities. What more might I learn if I carry this mindset forward? Who knows!

Why Not Covenant Marriage?

Inside Edition interviewed my husband and I recently about our covenant marriage. The question about whether or not covenant marriage should be mandated honestly caught me off guard. I still stand by my answer of, "No." The answer has a little more nuance than what I said in the interview, though.

As my husband and I discussed the question, we processed the idea that legislation cannot create morality. We entered into a covenant marriage because of what we believe about marriage. Forcing people to enter in to a covenant when they don't believe in it is pointless. Laws cannot make people commit. That is a heart thing. Also, as my husband pointed out, legislating covenant might actually make less people enter into marriage. That would not be good, for people, or for society, because like it or not, marriage makes families, and families are the backbone of society (Marripedia, n.d.). Ideal marriages last for a lifetime, as they should, but even when they don't, I would argue that marriages still provide benefits to society. 

Do I still believe in the merits of covenant marriage? Yes, yes, I do. Premarital counseling (required for a covenant marriage) has great benefits for marital satisfaction (Demaris, Sanchez, & Krivickas). The benefits of safety and security in a covenant commitment are huge. Entering into a covenant demonstrates before men what we believe God says about marriage, that it is forever. As Christians, we pray that our covenant marriage points to Jesus, the bridegroom of the church, with whom he has engaged in eternal marriage.

Should covenant marriage be required? No. Should Christ followers who believe in a biblical definition of marriage enter into covenant, though? I would ask those people, "Why NOT?" In my opinion, covenant marriages are for believers. While still not mandatory because God gives free will, believing couples should consider covenant marriage, because when the power of God is behind something, who should stand against it?

Reference:

Demaris, A., Sanchez, L. A., & Krivickas, K. (2012). Developmental Patterns in Marital Satisfaction: Another Look at Covenant Marriage. Journal of marriage and the family, 74(5), 989–1004. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2012.00999.x

Marripedia. (n.d.) Effects of marriage on society. https://www.marripedia.org/effects_of_marriage_on_society

Simple is Good.

We didn't invite anyone over for dinner. Well actually, we invited ourselves to my parents' house. They intended to invite some friends, but several of us felt under the weather, so we opted not to do so, in case our ailments were contagious. We had already decided to go simple, though.

This trip came on the heels of a quick trip out east, and what really mattered to us was being together. Instead of spending a long day prepping food, we went for a walk on the plains.

Instead of figuring out fancy place settings, we used paper placemats.

Instead of an extensive menu, we went with only our favorites: turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, and green beans. (I did make the family cranberry relish recipe because it's tradition.)

Instead of a second dinner, we ate pie.

And then we went home and got back to life.

Super simple is not always best, but for this year, it was, and for that we are thankful!

Thanksgiving Conversation Starters

Last year, we hosted my parents and some new friends for Thanksgiving. Both knew about the other, but neither knew one another. I knew that my husband and I would be busy preparing food in the kitchen, and starting conversation could be awkward, so I devised a little conversation starter activity [based on ideas from a post on the Kath Eats (2020) blog and questions from The Pinning Mama (2017)]. I designed the conversation starter prompts in Canva and cut them up and put them in an old candle holder. Not too pretty, but practical, and we had a good time getting to know one another this way. In case this activity would be helpful to others in their festivities, I am sharing printable files below.

Happy Thanksgiving!

References: 

Kimber. (2017, December 15). Thanksgiving dinner conversation starters. The Pinning Mama. https://www.thepinningmama.com/thanksgiving-dinner-conversation-starters/

Younger, K. (2020, November 11). Get organized: Your Thanksgiving meal plan. Kath Eats. https://www.katheats.com/get-organized-your-thanksgiving-meal-plan

Completing the Stress Cycle

Stress. It's the bane of our modern existence. Probably, it's part of the curse of sin, part of the toil it now takes to end the earth. Regardless, it's here, and it's real. I can fight it, or I can learn how to release it. I am working on the latter.

I read the book, Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily Nagoski PhD and Amelia Nagoski DMA last year, and I have thought about the contents of it on and off since. A main tenet of the book is that our bodies are not mean to hold stress, and as such, we have to find ways to release it. Physical activity is one way to do this. “Physical activity is what tells your body you have safely survived the threat and now your body is a safe place to live. Physical activity is the single more efficient activity for completing the stress response cycle," they write. Sometimes physical activity is not possible, though, and things like social interactions, laughter, and affection can come into play. Really, I think figuring out how to release stress is a personal project, but an important one at that!

Walking is my primary way to release stress. I do it at work. I do it at home. I do it out in the community (and this is apart from my regular exercise). Walking helps me notice tension in my body. (Hopefully, it helps me release it, too.) It helps me think. It changes my environment. It exposes me to grounding stimuli. It is free, and most of the time available.

Other habits help me close out stress, too. A lot of these are "summary" activities, like finishing my notes at work, sitting down and doing my daily habit recording, writing a weekly e-mail to my family about life, journaling, and blogging. Writing helps me process, and the writing that I share helps me connect. Both help me close out the stress cycle.

Rhythm and routine help me, too. More and more so, I try to close out work on work days. I try to shut down my e-mail and not check it again until right before the next work week starts. When work thoughts crop up, I try to shut them down, saving them for reboot during work time. At my counselor's suggestion, I try to fill my mind with non-work things to crowd out those thoughts. I also try to fill my time with good things: time with my husband, special events, and rest. These all remind me that one cycle of work stress is over.

Work is the primary stressor of life right now, or at least the one with the greatest volume of stressors. Other things stress me too: traffic, grocery shopping, the pain of family and friends, etc. Not all stress is bad, either. Some stress just is. Stress can help us grow. All stress needs to happen in a cycle, though. All stress needs to be closed out, rather than cycling in an infinite loop.

Have I got this stress thing figured out? No, certainly not! I am learning, though, learning thanks to this book and so many other things. May God continue to help me so that I can continue to grow in his image, having more and more capacity to serve him when it's time to be, "on," and resting when I am not.

Reference:

Nagoski, E., & Nagoski, A. (2019) Burnout: The secret to unlocking the stress cycle. Ballantine Books.

Sour Milk Oatmeal Muffins

 

Have some milk that soured in your fridge? Whip up a batch of these beauties and store them the freezer for sustenance all week long!

Ingredients:

1 c rolled oats

1 c sour milk

1 c whole wheat flour

1 t baking powder

1/2 t baking soda

1 t cinnamon

1/2 t nutmeg

1/4 t salt

1/2 c applesauce

2 eggs

1 1/2 t vanilla

Directions:

1. In a large bowl, soak rolled oats in the sour milk for 30 minutes.

2. Preheat oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit.

3. Whisk together dry ingredients and add to the rolled oats and sour milk.

4. Whisk together applesauce, eggs, and vanilla, and add to the large bowl.

5. Stir until all ingredients are moistened. (Be careful not to over stir!)

6. Portion batter into 12 muffin cups. (I prefer to use muffin liners to make clean up faster.)

7. Bake 12 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center of the muffins comes out clean.

Adapted from this buttermilk oatmeal muffins recipe from Lady Behind the Curtain

Real Life Marriage: I Wanted to Give Up

I wanted to give up. I think many married people get to that point, but I didn't think I would. But there I was, sitting at the stoplight thinking that I was ready. I wouldn't fully give up, of course. I had a covenant marriage. I couldn't get out, but I might just stop fighting for my marriage. It was hard. It had been hard. Nothing seemed to be working. I might just give up.

It had been a long, hard season. We could not seem to communicate without conflict. I took what he said wrong. He got frustrated. We failed at resolutions. We were not very unified. I was hurt, wounded. I had been hurt too many times, I reasoned, to keep trying. I would just do my wifely duties, be a servant, but not really be in it. Maybe that would be easier. Relating, working at things was just too hard.

But as I sat there at that stoplight, I heard the Father whisper, "But I don't give up on you." And it dawned on me then that no, I couldn't give up. Marriage is supposed to image Christ and the church, and if God didn't give up on me, I couldn't give up either.

When I went home that night, things were not miraculously different, but my heart was different. God had humbled me, cajoled me, reminded me of truth. I had to act on that truth, or disobey. It's been over a year since that revelation and things are not perfect, but praise the Lord, they are oh, so much better.

Funny how mindset changes things, because I am not sure how much I consciously changed, other than my attitude, but slowly, things in our marriage changed. I am not sure if we did things differently, or my heart was just soft enough for God to move and mold. Whichever the case, I am thankful. Thankful that God did not, and does not give up. Thankful that God's strength is always great enough to help me persevere. Thankful that what doesn't break you makes you stronger. To God be the glory. Amen!

Apple Banana Baked Oatmeal

Yep! Still in it! Here is another great baked oatmeal with a fall theme!

Ingredients:

1 banana, mashed

4 eggs

1 c oats, blended 

1 t cinnamon

2 t baking powder

1 apple, diced

Directions:

1. Mash the banana.

2. Add in the eggs, and beat together.

3. Fold in oats, cinnamon, and baking powder.

4. Add diced apple.

5. Bake in a greased pan 30 minutes at 350 degrees.

How Do You Want to Feel?

Maybe it's age. Maybe it's disconnecting from the world's values. Maybe it's something else. All I know is that I've stopped asking how I want to look each day. I've started asking how I want to feel.

I strived to keep up with the fashion trends as a teen. For a while, I would wear clothes that didn't feel right, because of what they looked like, the people who gave them to me, or the fact that I hate outgrowing things. None of it made me feel great, though. Somehow, these started a slow genesis of change.

I bought some new shirts a little while ago. They were technically the right size and fit, but when I wore them, I found myself pulling at them all day because they just weren't long enough. I needed some new shirts and had spent money on these, but nope, next! (Thankfully, the shirts fit my momma perfectly, so I passed them on to her.) I often get gifted items that are super cute, but don't comfortably fit. I have learned to exchange the clothes for sizes that feel comfortable. Otherwise, I know I will find the cute items shoved to the back of my closet.

When I get dressed in the morning, I think more about how I want to feel: warm, cool, cozy, sheik, pretty, etc. I dress accordingly. That might mean I have so many layers that I look like an oompah-loompah. It also might mean I wear makeup with my yoga clothes. I don't really care as much anymore. If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, am not I a beholder? And I can do more in the world when I'm not feeling uncomfortable in my own clothes.

There is a time a place for respecting the opinions of others. (Like, I wouldn't wear flamboyant tie-dye to a funeral.) I am not suggesting that we throw out all cultural norms. I am just thinking that it might be helpful to consider how we feel more than how we look. Looks come and go. Feelings linger. I'd rather find what feels good for a lifetime than look good for the few eyes that linger.

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How about you? Have you considered dressing for how you want to feel? Or are you more looks focused? Please feel free to share in the comments section.