Real Life Marriage: It Isn't (Always) About the Romance.

I am most often the one pushing for dates in our marriage. I like the adventure. I like the romance. I like spending time outside the house, focused on enjoying life with my husband instead of getting distracted by all the trappings of life. Recently, however, I had one of the best days with my husband, and pretty much all we did was sit at home. Why was it such a good day? Because as time has passed our love has become not just a romantic love, but a companionate one, too.

Before we got married, dating did bring on all the butterflies and zings and pleasant feelings. It was exhilarating to spend time with someone I liked, and then loved so much. We did not share a life or home together, so every moment we got to spend together felt special and sparkling. Then we got married. Sharing life together was awesome. Everything was new. We still dated (well at least until COVID hit and shut the world down). I still got the flutters, at least sometimes.

I still get the heart pitter-patters sometimes when I see my husband, but more often, it's like my heart swells with love. He is my person, and I am his. It's not that we are the best of friends. (I still argue that it is beneficial to have other friends.) It's that we are committed. It's that we share so much of life together. It's that our life is together.

My husband says he doesn't need dates so much anymore. He just wants to spend time with me. I push back on that (and I still probably will, at least sometimes), but maybe I am starting to get it. There is something to just being able to relax and be in one another's presence. The best part of that day was not the meals we ate together or the new movie we viewed. Rather, at least for me, it was laying on his shoulder and looking at the city website to get updates on the projects near our house. Romantic? Maybe not. Indicative of the safety and life we have built with one another? Absolutely!

I am not arguing that we should throw away romance, or stop dating. I plan to do neither. Rather, I hope that I can keep growing in my appreciation for these moments of "ordinary" life. Really, they are not ordinary. They are gifts from God, because I had gotten to a point where I thought I would always be alone in life, and God, in his grace granted me this love, this forever romance.