I judged my mother for many things growing up. I am not proud of it, but I did. I judged her for wearing old clothes. I judged her for eating off our plates and always taking home leftover food from restaurants. As I got older, I chastised her for working too hard, for not taking care of herself, for not making time for herself. I valued her and wanted her to value herself. That was a good thing. I could have gone about my approach a little more gently and with a little more love, though. Growing up, I just did not understand.
I have learned a lot of things being married, and one of them is that sacrifice is a choice. All the things I judged my mom for growing up, she didn't have to do. She chose to do them. She chose them because she loved my dad. She chose them because she loved us kids. She chose them because she she wanted to, not because she had to. Now I am trying to choose love by sacrificing, too.
Sacrifice evidences depth of love. The Apostle John wrote in his first epistle, "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters" (3:16, New International Version). There is a lot to be said for men and how they image Christ, but I think there is also a lot not said about mothers and how they also image Christ. My mom loved loved my dad sacrificially. She still does. She loved us sacrificially. She still does. My mom would give her life for us, I am sure. Her example of selflessness points me to Christ, and to the cost of love, a cost I am sure I am only beginning to fathom.
So on this Mother's Day, I offer a heartfelt apology to my mom, and to all mothers whose love I misunderstood for so many years. You were not wrong. I was wrong. Your love was and is sacrificial and right, and least in God's eyes. Thank you for loving me well. Thank you for painting for me a picture of love. I love you.
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