I told my husband when I married him that I was making a choice. I told him that I chose him, and I promised to always choose him. That decision has been tested and tried at times. I have had to decide to love him, to act as if I love him, because if I want my marriage to last, is there any other way? If I am not deciding, I am sliding.
Marriage requires choices, little and big, every single day. When I wake up, I can decide to kiss my husband good morning, or just go about my business. I can decide to serve my husband by setting out things for breakfast or by ignoring him as I slide into the rush to get myself ready. I can budget time to spend with him or just slide into focusing on how I want to spend the limited time I have before I go to work. Every decision is a choice between selflessness, thinking of him, thinking of us; or selfishness, thinking of myself. I admit that I want to give way to latter, and I do engage in self-focused thoughts far too often, but by God's grace, I am deciding to do it less.
On my commute to work, I can decide what I do with my time. I can engage in "ear candy" and listen simply to what pleases my ears, or I can make conscious choices to consume what builds up my marriage. I can choose songs about loving and leaving, or choose songs that build me up in my faith and encourage me to stick with my vows. I can listen to "me first" podcasts or I can listen to podcasts that encourage me to lay down my life and take up my cross. I can listen to people talk about marriage for the sake of happiness or listen to thoughts about staying married for the sake of holiness. I have decisions to make. If I don't make conscious marriage-oriented decisions, I slide into making other ones.
At work, I can choose to remember my husband, or forget him. I can decide to keep him in the forefront of my mind, praying for him in his day and texting him if I can, or I can slide into forgetting about him. I can decide to make a concerted effort to get off on time and go home to be with him, or I can slide into overtime.
When I get home, I can decide to greet my husband positively. I can decide to give him grace if dinner isn't quite ready (his job for the time being). Or I can slide into negatively, griping, and hanger. When dinner comes, I can decide to check in with my husband about his day or just stuff my face. Post dinner, I can decide to help with clean-up or just slide into my to-do list. I can allocate quality time to spend with my husband or let the minutes slip away until it is time for me to slip into bed. Decisions...
Day to day and week to week, there are other choices I must make regarding my marriage. I must choose how I think and speak about my husband, speaking positive, affirmative words, or sliding into the men-bashing that happens far too often in this culture. I can think about how I carry myself and make decisions to show myself "obviously married in public*," or I can give way to what some would judge as "harmless flirting," but interactions that could lead to deadly destinations. I can wear my wedding ring or leave it off. I can include my husband in my social media photos, or leave him out and leave doubt about my relationships status. It's easy to slide. It's not always easy to decide.
In social interactions, I avoid one-on-one meeting with men as much as I can help it. If I know I need to go meet with a male banker, I try to schedule so that I can take my husband. If I know I need to do a task alone, I look for a female provider, or at least a provider with female staff present (e.g. dentists and doctors). I avoid riding in cars alone with members of the opposite sex. I choose to text wives versus husbands when setting up couple events (a strategy modeled by our small group leader at church). I ask my husband before accepting friend requests for males, even if the men are married. I have decided that this is good accountability.
Decisions that affect my marriage face me every day. If I do not consciously make decisions to better my marriage, I slide down the path towards mediocrity or worse. Someone explained to me once that marriage is like a river: you either work to paddle upstream, or you let the current slide you downstream to a place you might not want to go. Paddling upstream takes work. It takes effort, but it allows me to go where I want to go, where I believe God wants me to go, where God wants my marriage to go. To Him be the glory!
*Thanks Ryan and Selena Frederick of Fierce Marriage for the "obviously married in public" phrase.
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