Marriage Misnomers: Marriage is Hard

I have said many times that marriage is hard. But then I heard some sermons that stopped me in my tracks. To summarize, the pastor said: 

"God created marriage."

"Marriage is good."

"Marriage is not hard."

As he talked, my stomach sank. I felt convicted about the way I had been speaking about marriage. I knew in my heart that marriage as an institution was good. God created it, after all. I had been calling marriage hard, when it was really the things that marriage exposed that were the hard things.

What hard things did and does marriage expose? It shows up my selfishness. It shows up my neediness, and my inability to be the strong woman I want to be. It exposes my sin. None of these make marriage bad. In fact, they further evidence that marriage is good. They show how God uses marriage as a tool for sanctification. The process of going through sanctification, the surrender it takes to be formed more into Christlikeness, however, is hard. 

Married life can also feel hard because of the external pressures on it. Marriage unites two people in the closest way humanly possible and often, all the world seems to fight against that. Work demands can reduce time spent together. Tragedies take away resources. Extended family needs draw on emotional stores. Society preaches lies about self-love and self-service that erode core unity. There is also the enemy of the soul who wants to do everything he can to destroy marriage and the image it paints of the gospel.

Is marriage itself hard? No, marriage as a God-created institution is good. But married life does bring with it some hard. Life can also bring hard things to the marriage. I don't always want the hard, but I want my marriage. I want marriage for my good, for my husband's good, and for God's glory. Amen.