All The Things That Didn't Work Out

Do you ever stop to think about all the things that didn't work out in life? Those things that you wanted, but didn't happen? Your plans that didn't quite work out? I've been doing a lot of that lately, all the while pondering how God's ways are bests, and how I need to submit to His will, rather than ruthlessly seeking my own.

I planned to go to graduate school directly after undergrad. My three years of undergrad burned me out so bad that I gave up on that dream and accepted a job to work at the school for two years before deciding what to do with my life and moving on. When the two years were up, and I asked God what was next, lo and behold, he said grad school, so I went. Getting that job and staying there were hard in their own rights, but also blessings, because the job paid for school, and was flexible enough that I could keep it, even during the rough internship years.

I decided to move back to Arizona and planned to start my career there. Licensing took forever, so I ended up taking a different job. It was a good job, but not for me. Having it showed me that I really wanted to do what I went to school for. 

I went to graduate school to work with adults. I declined the classes about kids. Lo and behold, I have worked with kids for the majority of my post-grad school career. Never say never.

I had given up on marriage and planned to buy a house and settle on my own, maybe with roommates. That flopped, and at the very last minute, on final walk through. Had I had that house, though, what would have come would have been harder.

I wasn't going anywhere looking for anyone when I started having talks with my (now) husband at church. It wasn't intentional pursuit. We just happened to be together a lot, and then the feelings started.

After we became engaged and got married, we decided that we wouldn't change anything for the first year of our marriage. That would allow us to solidify our relationship, we thought. Then my husband announced that he might want to go back to school. We looked at a condo, put in the third plus backup offer, and somehow got it, so ended up moving five months after marriage.

We moved so that my husband could go to school on campus, but then COVID struck, and he was stuck at home. He's finally back on ground, but had we not moved when we did, we never would have been able to afford our home, or any home for that matter, due to skyrocketing home prices. And had I had a home when we got married, we might not have been able to buy this one so quickly.

I planned to finish up my full licensure process immediately after moving, but it took another year plus. That frustrated me, but I also got a lot of good supervision. I learned things I probably would not have otherwise.

When I got my first botox injection for dystonia, it was supposed to help, but instead it atrophied my muscles so bad that I ended up asking for a second opinion. That got me referred to a specialist, who is excellent, and has fine tuned my care. I might not have gotten to her had the first injection gone well.

All my plans aren't God's plan. God has his own way, and his ways are best. And sometimes those ways don't feel like the best, or aren't the best on this earth. It's God's grace and mercy to allow me to see good that has come from all the things that didn't work out. My challenge is to keep all the current things not working out in perspective, to believe that God's way and will are better than mine, and that whatever does not work out here will ultimately be forgotten when I have all the things of heaven, most notably, God's eternal enduring presence.