Fair Doesn't Mean Equal: A Reprise

We are currently in the midst of a home renovation project. Am I doing a whole lot to help? Nope, not really. Is my husband doing the bulk of the labor? Yes, yes he is. I blogged about fairness and equality way back at the beginning of our marriage, and now the lesson comes again: Fair doesn't mean equal. 

I take care of quite a few everyday things around the house. I plan meals, do the majority of the grocery shopping, handle laundry, etc. I like doing these things, and I think it's part of my job as a supportive wife. My husband could do more of these things, and probably would, if I asked him, and if he had time. Generally, though, these are my tasks.

I sometimes get frustrated about all the things that I do around the house. It's not right. It's not godly. It's not admirable, but it's true. And then times like these come. My husband has worked most of every day, for days on end, at this project. I try to help in areas that I can, but those areas are very few. The work is far from equal or fair: He pulled out all of the flooring by himself. What did I do? I asked my mom to help me walk the removed flooring to the garbage. My husband put in the new flooring all by himself. What did I do? I moved a few things to try to make it easier. He has the knowledge and expertise for this project (know how to tap off a new water line for an ice maker anyone?), and I don't. He also has the strength. (How many trips did it take my mom and I to carry flooring to the garbage? Probably double or triple what it would have taken him. And I am incapable of moving or carrying appliances.) So I've been resting, encouraging, asking where I can help, and trying to stay out of the way. Although this is a project for us as a couple, it is mostly his project to do. In the moment, it is neither equal or fair.

Fair doesn't mean equal. Relationships have seasons. The weight of tasks come and go. This is one of many reasons commitment matters. Over time, things generally even out. If I take all the little things I do and stack them up against the hours my husband spends on big projects like this one, maybe, just maybe, things are fair or equal. In the moment, though, things can seem anything but fair, and that takes some working through. I am seeing that right now, and I hope I remember this lesson for the future, too.