Real Life Marriage: The Christmas Tree

I like Christmas. Really, I do! But I also find Christmas very, very overwhelming. Like the Christmas boxes, the Christmas decorations, the Christmas tree! When I was on my own, I had a little mini tree from Walmart, and a strand of lights. That was it. Now we have a big, beautiful six-footer with lights, ornaments, and a tree skirt in our living room! I spent all of about half on hour on the tree, though. My husband did the rest. That was one of his gifts to me in this Christmas season.

Eve Rodsky (2021), in her book Fair Play writes about the mental load of household tasks. I am a person who really feels that. Just keeping food in the refrigerator, meals on the table, and the laundry sometimes seems daunting. While I like Christmas and its decorations, they are just one more thing to do, and I do not do them well. This year, I just didn't. I let my husband do them.

A crucial component of the fair play system that Rodsky (2019) writes about is that each partner takes a task and handles all of it. That means that each person conceives, plans, and executes (Gregoire, 2020). I thought of that as I let my husband decorate. He decided he would do it. He is is good at it. I was going to let him do it!

Choosing to let my husband decorate did come with some costs, though. He organizes differently than I do. He unpacks differently than me. The unpacking process does not bother him like it does me. If I was letting him do the task, though, I shouldn't come behind and reorganize. Or clean up. He had a system, and I needed to leave it.

As it stands, we have a beautiful tree in our living room, lovely decorations on various mantles, and an office that eventually got emptied of Christmas boxes. The only overwhelm I faced was those boxes, and for a limited time. The mental load was next to nil. While I did tidy the boxes in the office some so I could move around while they were there, otherwise, I let things be. My husband took the task. He was in charge of it. I am benefiting, and focusing on that beautiful Christmas tree, I don't have to see much else. Maybe there is something to letting people take a task, the whole task if they are willing, and just enjoying life in the meantime.

References:

Gregoire, S.W. (2020, June 2).Bare marriage. https://baremarriage.com/2020/06/the-fair-play-system-conception-planning-execution/

Rodsky, E. (2019). Fair play: A game-changing solution for when you have too much to do (and more life to live). G.P. Putnam's Sons.