We have been having a discussion about words in our house. I ask my husband how I can care for him. He states that he doesn't want to be cared for. He wants to be supported. I want to be cared for. He doesn't always know how to do that for me. We're speaking the same language, but we're speaking differently.
My husband wants my support. He wants me behind him. He appreciates it when I do things for him. Care to him, though, means that he is inadequate, that he is somehow unable to take care of himself. When I use that word, it offends him, demeans him. It is not my intent, but that is the message my care delivers.
I, on the other hand, can get offended when my husband says he doesn't want to be cared for. I feel that it demeans my service and love. When he says he does not want to be cared for, I feel like he is saying he doesn't want me to do what I think a godly wife should do. That makes me feel inadequate. That's not what he's saying. Our words just mean different things.
To further complicate the matter, we need different things. I want to be cared for and supported. I wanted to be valued, treasured, and doted on as well as supported. I don't want to be treated as am imbecile, but the reality is that I am "the weaker partner" (New International Version, 2011, 1 Peter 3:7). I need care and support because I really can't do life on my own. It's just the way God made me. God, in his grace, gave me a husband who can do these things, but communicating it is a whole different struggle.
Support and care are both important in a marriage. What they mean, though, can differ by spouse, and by relationship. We are figuring out what they mean in our marriage. We are discovering that the same word can mean different things. Maybe eventually we will get on the same page, but for now, we are trying to learn how to honor our differences so that we can love well, and love better. To God be the glory.
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