The Elusive Margin

Growing up, I thought that I would some day "arrive" in life. I thought would someday reach a point where things would settle down. Where I would get work done, and still have margin for fun and enjoyment. When there would either be less hard, or somehow, I would be more equipped to cope with the hard. Where I would thrive instead of just survive. None of these times have come for me. Life is still hard, harder than ever. The things that fly at me almost always seem like more than I can handle. Margin comes sometimes, but rarely, if ever consistently. I don't think the life I imagined I could get to will ever come, and as such, I am learning to live life differently.

I am realizing more and more that I just have to take respite as it comes. I need to sink in and enjoy it, because who knows when the next wave will hit. I need to enjoy respite without trying to prepare so much for the next wave, too, because that negates the benefit of any rest breaks I may have.

Sometimes I have to make margin, too. I have to let things go. I have to deal with the dirty. I have to set things aside. I have to choose my priorities, because without margin, I am powerless to do much of anything.

Margin may be a moment. It may be minutes. Or maybe margin is few hours, or even a few days of a little longer lull in the overall action. When it comes, I just gotta take it, savor it, and soak it up. And if it's not coming, I gotta make it, because who knows the next time it will come.

A life of margin is elusive. The longer I live, the less I think it exists. But margin I take and make? Maybe that is more possible. If nothing else, maybe keeping an active eye out for it will make it less elusive.