Different: Take it Or Leave It

I went to an arcade with my husband and friends. I came home an hour later. I wanted to go. I enjoyed being there. I stayed as long as I wanted.

I felt kind of sheepish as I came home, though, embarrassed, even ashamed. They stayed out a whole lot longer than I did. They even went to a second arcade, hoping it would be less crowded and more quiet. (They report that it wasn't.) I hate being different, and that night, it stood out that I was very different. It felt bad.

My window of tolerance for social engagement, noise, and stimuli is small. Whether it is nature or nurture, it is the way I am. I can honor that and cut out of social engagements when I need to, or I can push it and grow bitter and resentful. (I know because I have tried it.) Often times when I push it, I say or do mean things as I try to recover. I decide I never want to do that kind of thing again (and often I don't). It's not positive. 

So my options are to do what I did that night: go and engage a little bit and them go home, or not go at all. I am learning to do the former, and to try to accept that I am just different in what I can handle. Maybe my tolerance will change. Maybe it won't. This is just me, and I have to take it or leave it.