Getting Present Requires Grief.

After all the lessons I have already learned about grief, I think I learned another one: Getting present requires grief. It's not necessarily profound. It's not necessarily deep, but it's meaningful.

I think this lesson came to me after talking to my therapist about getting into a funk when things don't go my way. I don't want to be upset. I don't want to be mean to my husband. I don't want to have a bad rest of the day. I just can't seem to get over my "bad" (unwanted) feelings. That was when she said to me, "Maybe you just need to take a minute to two to grieve." It's not a big grief, but it's a grief when things don't go my way, when expectations die. Maybe they need their moment.

As I started practicing what she told me, I started to realize how often I am not in the moment because I haven't grieved. I'm holding on to what I thought would happen. I'm clinging to past memories. I'm clinging to past hurts. I'm not here because I'm there. I'm not here because there didn't happen. What if I took a moment to just grieve that and let it go?

I'm not good at grieving. I never have been. Life continues to teach me to do so, though. God continues to teach me. As the Heavenly Father, he went through the ultimate grief of losing his beloved Son, so I am sure He gets it. He is here with me, if I grieve, and if I don't He is with me too. I just might not recognize his Presence if I'm not present.