Real Life Marriage: Winners and Losers

I had a realization this past year. Winners and losers cannot coexist in marriage. We are both winners, or we are both losers.

When we communicate, or miscommunicate, sometimes I find myself trapped in a cycle of wanting to be right, of wanting my husband to understand. I don't necessarily need him to agree with me (or at least I don't think I do), but I want him to acknowledge my perspective, validate me. Sometimes he doesn't understand, or can't understand. It feels like we are both losers.

Other times, when we communicate, we learn from each other. We come to an understanding. We see something from the other's point of view. We are both winners, and it feels awesome!

I want to remember when we disagree that resolving our issues is about finding a solution where both of us win. It's not about me being right, or him being right, but about our marriage being in a better, stronger situation. 

We are both winners, or we are both losers. Instead of arguing, I hope we can continue to work towards understanding, instead of being right (Smith, 2021). I hope we can keep working towards solutions to our problems that we both feel good about (Focus on the Family, 2015). It's not easy, but there is a lot less conflict that when winning and losing divide us.

So here's to further work at communication. To vying for our marriage instead of competing for our own personal prizes. May God be glorified in our unified efforts.

References:

Focus on the Family. (2015, June 8). No losers. https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/no-losers/

Smith, D. (2021, July 26). Winners and losers in marriage. Dr. Debi Smith. https://drdebismith.com/winners-and-losers-in-marriage/