The More of LESS Report (June)

I said this was going to be a year of less, and it’s turning out to be one, though not in the way I would like. Having not run since May, I’m not at less miles, I am at zero miles. I’ve had a little less work, but a lot more doctor’s appointments. (Thankfully I’ve been able to take sick time for them.) I have been doing less, but mostly because I can't do more.

There are certainly blessings in the slow-down, but I’m also struggling. My motivation has been low, and I’ve frittered away much of my time instead of doing purposeful things with it. I’ve written less, spent little time with friends, and even reclused from my husband. I haven’t worn a full face of makeup in weeks. I stopped painting my nails for a while. I’m dressing in the comfiest, loosest, stretchiest clothes I have. I haven’t been greatly disciplined about sleep or making our meals more nutritious. (I’ve been eating a lot, but not in the best proportions, or from the best sources.) I have been tanking, spiraling, deteriorating. Whatever I want to call it, it’s hasn’t been the kind of purposeful, intent-full life of less for which I hoped. I feel like all my goals have gone into the dumpster, or at least not had much meaningful effort applied to them. Could I change things? Yes? No? Maybe? But what’s the point? I need a renewed sense of purpose. As for my LESS goals, well, let's just say I have been making less, rather than more progress:

January-LESS scrolling: This goal is definitely not goaling. I am spending way too much time on social media. I tell myself to stop, but then I pick my phone right back up to look for something that will take my mind off my inertia, bring a hit of dopamine to my dopamine depleted brain. It does not work, but I keep doing it, and that, my friends, is the definition of insanity.

February-LESS picking: This is better when I have my phone in my hand, but worse when I just feel terrible about my body.

March-LESS hunger (judgment): This goals is a, "Yes," and a "No." I have been "giving in" to my hunger a lot. Supposedly part of the cure for this injury is eating in excess so that the body will heal. Have I gained weight? Yep, at about a pound a week since I got injured. My dietitian says this is good, but it does not feel good. So in summary, yes, I have been "honoring," my hunger, but I have also been angry at it and uncomfortable with its results, so a draw in this one.

*Note, I guess in some ways, it is a blessing that I have been so hungry. Hunger makes it easier to eat the amount I supposedly need to heal. Stuffing myself would make me feel even worse.

April-LESS goals: Well, I am stagnated here. I keep trying to find a goal that interests me as much as running, and so far, the only thing I have been doing is cooking more sourdough recipes. That is good, but not necessarily a parallel or "replacement."

In an effort to try to get motivated, I did start stacking up the goals again, too. This month, I was working towards a five minute plank challenge and a daily crunches challenge. That was probably too much on top of physical therapy exercises. I also tried to reach out to a friend everyday. Maybe I did not need to make this a daily goal, but it did help me at least try to navel gaze less.

May-LESS no: I honestly kind of forgot about this goal until my husband asked me to do some things. One thing, I asked to do on a different day. In the second instance, when I got him a lobster roll for National Lobster Day, I gave my immediate, "No," to his offer of a bite. I did realize this, though, and kind of prayed he would ask again so I could say, "Yes." He asked. I said, "Yes," and I have to say, lobster is not worth the hype, in my opinion. But hey, I kept with an intention in a small way for one day. (And a few other days, I made it, too.)

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In other areas, I find I am not missing the "less" in my closet much at all. In fact, growing out of my clothes might make my closet even more minimal!This month, I tried to clean out some of our freezer stores of food. (I used quite a bit, but we still have a bit. Frozen meals are not bad, but when the chest freezer no longer has room to fit much more, it is time to decrease inventory.) I have been doing less activities, and missing them, but surviving. Honestly, I would really like a "more" life right now, but for right now, this is the life I have. By God's grace, and in His power, may I be grateful for it and at least for the next month, complain a little less.