There is Enough.

"As thy days, so shall thy strength be" (Deut 33:25, King James Version).

Even before COVID 19, I felt like I was living in a season where there never seemed to be enough. There never seemed to be enough time, energy, cooked food, gas in the car, friends, connections, times to think, insight, etc. I say there seemed because there really was enough. I could choose to cut things out of my schedule to make time for what was important. We had plenty of food, just maybe not what I wanted to eat. I could fill up my car at any old gas station. I had friends, even if they dwell far away. God was opening up opportunities for connection if I only looked for them. I could choose to shut off some noise in my life (the radio, social media, etc.) and commit to reflection. 

Then COVID-19 hit. I couldn't find staples like rice and beans and carrots at the grocery store. (Why carrots were in short supply, I don't know.) There was no toilet paper on the shelves. Work got busier. My mind got more crowded with anxiety and worry and fear. I worried about my health and the health of my loved ones. I wondered how I would survive in such a season of lack. I expressed my anxieties to my husband, wanting him to sympathize, and his in his wisdom said, "Has God always provided?"

"Yes, but..."

He cut me off. "Then I can't join you."

He was right. God has always provided, and He always will. The issue with my feelings of scarcity is really my mindset. God is Provider. There is enough. There is enough time. There is enough energy. There are enough resources. 

For what God calls me to do and how He calls me to live. <----- And that is the kicker.

I don't have time or energy or resources for anything other than what God has laid out for me. Neither do you. Maybe in this season of life my sphere of influence is small, mostly in my own home. Maybe it's the same for you. But in this season, even with COVID-19, God's portion is enough. His grace is sufficient for me (2 Cor 12:9). And it is for you, if you believe. His strength is sufficient for you, if you believe, if I believe. 

God is Enough. May we have faith to live out of that truth.

Marriage Isn't...

I'm a sucker for personality tests of all kinds: empirical, researched, real tests, as well as the silly and mundane, Disney character variety. When a test about the age at which you're supposed to get married popped up, I decided to take it. According to the test, here's that age at which I'll marry, as well as my biggest deal breaker:

Clearly, the test is invalid, since I've passed the ripe old age of 25 and I am still not married. (The part about irresponsibility being a deal breaker for me, well maybe that's true.)

I've been thinking about marriage this weekend, and more specifically about what marriage isn't:

Marriage isn't a reward for good behavior. When believers accept Christ as Savior and the payment for their sins, they're guaranteed the indwelling Holy Spirit and heaven, but not marriage. Paul never married, and I think it's clear that the Holy Spirit lived in him.

Marriage isn't required to please God. I've had people had me articles that say the true calling of a Christian woman is to get married and populate the world with Christ-loving children. I don't believe that's the only way to serve Christ Jesus. Ephesians 2:10 says we are God's workmanship created to do good works. I would argue that those good works include working hard at one's job (Col 3:23), speaking wholesome words (Eph 4:29), caring for the widows and orphans (James 1:27), and probably a host of other things.

Marriage isn't a guarantee. I recently had a doctor tell me, "When you get married..." My calling is to follow Jesus. Whether or not I get married is up to him and in his control. The most I could do to "control" my ability to get married would me to ask a guy out, or even ask him to marry me, and I'm not willing to do that because it doesn't set me up for the kind of marriage I see indicated in Scripture as God-honoring.

Marriage won't fix all my problems. My dad likes to remind me that marriage isn't any easier than singleness. I'm a sinner as a single, and I'd be a sinner in marriage, too. That's not to say that I shouldn't continue to work towards holiness and a Christ-honoring life now and in the future, but an acknowledgement that no relationships on earth will ever be perfect because they consist of imperfect people.

Why am I writing this?

...For those who've been told they're "less than" because they're not married.
...For my amazing friends who long to be married, but aren't, and don't understand why.
...For those who are working hard at their marriages, because I admire the way that they seek to image Christ and His church.
...For myself, to remind myself that my "be all, end all," isn't to get married, but to glorify God.

Do I still want to get married? Most days, yes. But if marriage isn't for me, I pray that I'll still be faithful and true to my eternal bridegroom, Jesus Christ (Eph 5:21-33).