I Wanna Be an Island.

Sometimes I just wanna be an island. No, not a sandy shore next to the ocean, but an island of a person. I don't want to need people. I want to be able to go and do my own thing and not be alone. I want to take care of myself, my car, my life, and my health without anyone else. I want to avoid that pain that comes when I get close to someone and they hurt me. I want to avoid the inevitable grief that happens when a best friend moves away. I want to avoid the heart-wrenching loneliness that comes after I see "my people" and have to say goodbye. It'd be easier if I was a loner.

But I'm not an island. I need people. I'm not mechanically savvy, so I need my dad to give me car advice. I don't get all my health stuff, so I need doctors and a mom who is a nurse to interpret. I need people at church to preach God's words of truth to me. I need bankers to manage my finances. I need bosses and supervisors to teach me to do my job better. I need loved ones who tell me to tone it down or cut it out when I'm living life on the rev limiter. I need friends who teach me to have fun and remind me to do it regularly. I need people in my life to point out the beauty that I frequently miss due to my crazy, uptight perfectionist, Type A personality. Basically, I'm a crappy human when left to my own devices.

Being in relationships with others is the way God designed life. He's a triune God and he created Eve to fix Adam's loneliness. So relationships are His gig. But being in relationship to others is sure painful. The let-downs hurt. The loneliness sinks in deep. My inadequacies become glaring. The fact that I don't know how to love well becomes obvious.

People remind me that I need Jesus, and I do, so I guess I don't really wanna be an island. But some days, it sure seems like it'd be easier.