How We Had a Low Stress Wedding

I've attended more weddings than I am years old. And weddings tend to stress me out. They're so special and celebratory, but they can also be so detailed and over-the-top. They can also be bride-centric and somewhat exclusive of the groom. So when it came to my own wedding, I wanted to go simple and low stress, and include my groom, because this wedding wasn't happening without Chris! Here's how we did it.

Invitations

We didn't send out save the dates. With as short of an engagement as we had, we really didn't have time.

We sent out a one page photo announcement/invitation. I liked the idea of people having a picture of us even if they could not attend the ceremony.

We didn't include an RSVP reply card. Instead, we asked people to RSVP via our Knot website. This was inconvenient for some, and for that we apologize, but it really worked best for us and for our budget.

We kept invitations pretty open. If people saw us and told us they wanted to attend, we invited them. Planning a simple ceremony allowed that.

The Ceremony

We kept it simple. We wanted the focus to be on the Lord and on our vows, so we asked our pastor to officiate that way. He did an amazing job.

We limited our attendants to two each. We have many family and friends we value and could have asked to stand with us, but we stuck to one friend and one family member that we knew would support us in our vows.

We chose not to do a meal. Again, this was inconvenient for some, and for that, we apologize. But we wanted to keep the reception short, and we wanted to have an open invitation policy. That meant no elaborate food plans.

We cut everything that didn't matter to us. Wedding cake? Cut. First dance? Cut. Bouquet and garter toss? Cut. Chris developed some "filter questions" for our ceremony and if something didn't honor God, enrich our marriage, or specifically exist to bless our guests, we got rid of it. That allowed us to keep and focus on what really mattered to us: our covenant of marriage and the friends and family who came to support us in it.

The Decorations

Get a planner. Here's where not everyone can do what we did. My best friend is an amazing amateur decorator, florist, wedding planning, do-it-all type gal. I flew her out to help me find my wedding dress, and we planned a lot of the wedding that weekend. She then collected other decorations, made our bouquets and boutonnieres, etc. and brought them with her. Her help was invaluable.

Use food. My best friend and mom proposed using pinto beans and split peas in jars to decorate (since we had a cactus/southwest theme). This was a great idea! The decorations cost less and were even repurposed into after-wedding food, like the split pea soup we made in our Insta-Pot the first week we were home.

Let other people take the lead. Again, not everyone can do what we did, but I told everyone that my best friend was in charge, and left. Yes, I let other people decorate the church without me. It was less stressful for me and truly let me get some rest in my body, soul, mind, and spirit before the big day.

So it goes without saying, but a big part of our low stress wedding is thanks to my best friend.

The Day Of

Go low key with exercise. I knew I wanted to get outside the morning of the wedding, but I also didn't want to get all sweaty. So I went with an early, low-key stroll. That was enough to help center my mind without stressing my body and getting all nasty and gross.

See the groom. This broke status quo, but Chris he was a big part of helping me not get overly caught up in details or stressed about things. I also didn't like the idea of not seeing him the entire day before we made a lifelong commitment before God and men. So before I got my makeup done or we started getting ready, we spent a few minutes together to try to wrap our heads around the day and what was in store for us.

Do calming activities. There was so much I could have done the day of the wedding, but I wanted to be a calm and collected bride for my groom, so I just said, "No." Instead, I looked at social media, read a book, colored, and blogged.

Go professional for makeup. I wasn't originally on board with this, but my best friend suggested it, and I am so glad she did. I went to Ulta, so it wasn't super expensive, and having someone else do my makeup improved my confidence and made it easier on my bridal party and attendants.

Order food you will want to eat. I was worried I wouldn't be hungry or want to eat the day of the wedding, so I ordered my favorite Chick-Fil-A salad. I'm so glad I did. It tasted good and kept me fueled for the long day ahead.

Get ready with family and girlfriends. All those girls I might have wanted to ask to stand with me? I invited them to get ready with me. They (and their cute kids) kept me entertained and not too anxious. My mom was also there, which helped a ton!

Have room to pace. Again, this might not be possible for everyone, but we had a fairly large room (the church fellowship room) for getting ready, and when I started to feel anxious, I walked, yes, wedding dress and all. I'm thankful that I had comfortable shoes!

Pray! My friends prayed with me and for me during the wait time, and I know that made the greatest differences.

Was our wedding perfect? No, but it was wonderful. And besides being wonderful because of the man I married, it was wonderful because it was very low stress, something this perfectionistic, type A girl needed in order to really enjoy and be present for the day.

Moments and Memories

I never thought I'd have a wedding day. And then I did. Marrying Chris was (and is!) such a blessing, but there are so many other God-things about the wedding weekend and wedding day that I want to remember:

1) Having my entire family back together again. Thanks little brother for majorly inconveniencing yourself with work in order to make it!

2) Having both my best friends in the same place at the same time. And on National Best Friend's Day, at that!

3) Saturday night family dinner. I was initially opposed to this, but seeing and spending time with maternal and paternal relatives before the wedding was such a blessing.

4) Not having to decorate, and being able to nap instead. I read some time ago in my Savor devotional that "what make[s] a wedding day perfect is...a bride and groom who are happy, connected, and present" (p. 165). The best gift I felt I could give Chris was an unfrazzled bride. Letting go of decorating and resting was one way I did this.

5) Our rehearsal dinner. One of our sweet friends and her cohorts decorated for us and put scriptures about love on each table. The decorations were both beautiful and meaningful.

6) Prayer at my girls' get together/bachelorette. My friends prayed the sweetest things over me and thanked God that they got to be part of my life for my long single season. The words they said and offered up were so encouraging. They gave me a ton of gifts, as well as a notebook with well wishes and a long list of fun questions for Chris and I to discuss on our honeymoon drive. Thanks, girls!

7) Singing "To God be the Glory" right before the ceremony. My Mom prayed for God's glory in the ceremony, and then we had more time to sign. Hearing my best friends, mom, and bridesmaids sing alongside me was probably the best moment outside the ceremony.

8) Having our niece and nephew as flower girl and ring bearer. They were the cutest! And they stood through the whole entire ceremony. Basically, they're rock stars!

9) Dismissing our guests row by row. It is still hard for me to remember everyone who attended our wedding, but I am so glad we at least got to see and greet them all as we dismissed them to the reception. This made us feel better about not being present for much of that time. We really wanted the reception to be for the guests and not us anyway.

There are many more moments and "God-things" from wedding weekend that I could probably share, but for now, this is a pretty good list.

Dear Daddy, I Still Love You.

Dear Dad,

Six days ago, you "gave me away." I wore a white dress and you wore a suit to walk me down the aisle. At the aisle's end, you answered the pastor's questions, put my hand in the hand of my future husband and sat down. And at that moment, you gave one of the greatest gifts you've ever given. But you've given me so many gifts before that, gifts I want to honor and mention here:

• The gift of presence
• The gift of providing for our family
• The gift of hard work
• The gift of mechanical knowledge
• The gift of hugs and cuddles and love
• The gift of support
• The gift of encouragement
• The gift of prayer
• The gift of spiritual leadership
• The gift of accountability
• The gift of modeling a Christlike marriage
• The gift of accepting Chris and treating him like family when he came into my life

Dear Daddy, I still love you. My love and allegiance may look different now, but you're still an important part of my life, and I'm so thankful for you. Thanks for being you. Thanks for loving me. Thanks for being my dad.

Happy Father's Day!

Wedding Day

This is the day I've waited for, and yet given up waiting for. It's a mix of excitement and solemnity, joy and fear. I'm calm, but yet anticipatory. I'm present, and at the same time my brain has no more capacity for presence.

This day has been a long time coming. I'm 31, after all. And I had pretty much given up on marriage a few years ago. But as my friends pointed out at my bachelorette party last night, God made a way for he and I to be together, and the Lord is where I want the focus to be today.

Marriage images Christ's life-giving love for the church. Marriage points to a good greater than us. Marriage reveals more about who God is and what He has done and is doing.

He and I went back and forth about what songs to use for the wedding. In the end, I decide to walk down the aisle to, "God Will Make a Way." It was supposed to be an instrumental version, but somehow the version labeled instrumental still has words. I think that's the way God wants it to be.

The whole song won't play while I walk down the aisle, but if it did, these are the lyrics you'd hear:

God will make a way
Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me

He will be my guide
Hold me closely to His side
With love and strength for each new day
He will make a way, He will make a way
....

By a roadway in the wilderness, He'll lead me
And rivers in the desert will I see
Heaven and Earth will fade but His Word will still remain
And He will do something new today

God has made a way in the wilderness for me. Today He will start something new in the marriage of my husband and I. I don't know what's ahead, but I know the God who is ahead, and who has been behind and before.

To Him be the glory!

How (Not) To Train for a Terrain Race

My husband signed up for another 5K right after we ran The Butterfly Run. I initially passed, one because I'm a fair weather runner, meaning I like running, and not obstacles; and two because I wasn't sure where our relationship was going and didn't want to sign up for something over six months away. (Read, I was afraid).

But when January came around and registration was "free," and he and I were getting more serious about our relationship, I signed up for the Terrain Race. (Registration isn't really free because you have to pay for "insurance" and make a required donation and a few other things. So it evens out to the $25-$35 cost of most other runs I've done.)

I trained for Pat's Run. I trained for the 10K. I kind of intended to train for this race (e.g. do more strength), but I didn't. And then I got sick. I walked Sunday, and Monday, didn't even work a full day Tuesday and only walked for work and went for a two miles snail's pace stroll Thursday and Friday. So I wasn't ready.

I made a list of things that needed to happen for me to run.

Thankfully, most of these did, and we went.

The race was in Flagstaff, Arizona at about 7,000 feet. We weren't really sure what to expect, so we overly prepared with sunscreen and throw away shoes and towels and new sets of clothes. But when we saw people coming out of the race (since heats were already running before we got there), we thought we wouldn't need all that. So we sunscreened, emptied a backpack of all but our phones, keys, and water, checked the bag, and got ready to run.

The race was supposed to be 5K, but we got an e-mail Friday saying they had to extend the course. I wondered if I'd make it, but prayed about it and said I'd try.

The first part of the course was uphill. And the first part of the course was long, with few obstacles other than carrying a sandbag around a small circle.

But then the course got a little rocky and hilly. There were some beautiful views, but 1) I didn't have my phone to take pictures, and 2) I really didn't get to enjoy them because I had to carefully watch my feet.

(Parking lot view)

Most of the obstacles came about 1/2 to 3/4 through the course. There was the log pulling, the tire pulling and dragging, the tire flipping, log jumps, and then the culvert crawl. That's what got me muddy! You had to wade into muddy water about waist deep and crawl through a plastic culvert about 1/4 full of water. I managed to crouch through it since I decided to wear my watch and didn't want to get it wet.

(Our friends had their phones and took this picture.)

There were then more log jumps and crawling under a rope net. (Thankfully people held it up over me and I didn't get too scraped up. This is also when I realized there was a reason people pinned their race bibs to their backs. I lost a safety pin on mine and had to repin it with another that tried to come off.) There were more log jumps, some six foot walls to climb over (thankfully there were steps to help boost oneself over), carrying a weighted bucket around a little moat with water in it, and at least three upper body strength exercises (monkey bars, a trapeze like thing, a rope climb, and a Tarzan rope swing). I touched all of these, but then passed by (one, because I have very little upper body strength, and two, because my grip strength is shot due to my focal dystonia and I don't want to do any further harm to my hand or arm).

The last part of the race was supposed to be a tenth of a mile. I'm sure it wasn't. There weren't any obstacles there, but then we came to this:

It was probably a 16 foot plus canvas net to crawl over. (The finish line was on the other side.) It was a bit shaky, but I actually liked this kind of obstacle. I might have been afraid, but there was a terrified kid at the top, so I gave him a hand so he could get down to his mom, and after that, I wasn't afraid. The finish line was right on the other side. (My stopwatch said my time was 1:05. People running with me said they clocked the course at 5.3 miles. No 5K for us!)

We I got separated, so I guzzled some water while I waited for him. Then we went and tried to wash the mud off our hands and got our bag. We ran into some friends and took some photos and chatted with them. And then we headed home.

The drive back on I-17 is really gorgeous. I haven't been to Flagstaff in awhile and really enjoyed the scenery. (He drove so I could take pictures.)

We got back at 2 pm and I sat down and had some food and a lot of water (one 16 oz glass and another 16 oz bottle with a Nuun electrolyte tablet). 

I thought I had plenty of energy, but then I kind of crashed. So I showered and laid down for a power nap. 

(I really had to scrub to get all the mud off so I could be clean to take a nap.)

Moral to the story: I didn't really train for this race. I didn't fully do it since I couldn't complete some obstacles. But I'm thankful, and grateful, and honestly praying I stay well after all the energy I exerted.

To God be the glory!