Dad, Friend to Anyone and Everyone

"C'mon, kids." Dad would say. "We're going to go visit some people." 

We would sigh, roll our eyes, and load up in our van. We knew what we were in for: a day full of sitting in other people's houses, listening to adults talk, while we kids sat and tried to be polite, (or not). We'd go from house to house this way, sometimes all day, not really playing, but just sitting. (This was unless Mom intervened, and for one summer, she couldn't, because she was at the hospital, working to renew her nursing license). I didn't understand the significance of those visits then, but now I do. My dad literally had enough friends to visit them for hours on end, without running out of things to talk about, or more people to see.

My dad has always been that way: a friend to anyone and everyone. My mom talks often about how my dad would pick people up to give them rides when he worked second or night-shift in downtown Charlotte, North Carolina. That was not the safest part of town, but Dad had a heart to help people, and help people, he did.

Mom also talks about Dad's coworkers, people who would not step into our home, but would join my dad at the pond or the lake for fishing. While those people did not feel at ease in our home, they felt comfortable with Dad, because Dad was a friend to anyone and everyone.

Dad made lots of friends when he ran his bulk water delivery business. He even made some four-legged ones and carried treats for them inside the cab of his semi. After he sold his business, he went to work for some of his well-drilling friends. I am sure he would have found a job with other friends, if not those ones.

Friends came out of the woodwork from anywhere and everywhere when Dad had open heart surgery three years ago. Those people supported him and my mom in all sorts of ways. Dad had loved them through some dark times, and they loved them through his.

Go for a walk with Dad through his new neighborhood, and you'll find him receiving coffee from one man, petting the next neighbor's horses, and saying hello to the neighborhood donkey. Dad made friends with one neighbor and helped him with a mechanic project. Dad gets eggs from another neighbor for whom he did some side jobs. Dad has already joined the local tractor club (and he got into tractors because of one of the Arizona friends he made). Occasionally, Dad gets the outdoor cat to come around. 

When we visited last summer, my husband got the, "We're going to visit some people" tour. (Thankfully, my husband was mature enough not to sigh, and to rather go along and enjoy the experience.) Dad went around the neighborhood, seeing whose garage doors were open so that he could say, "Hi," introduce his son-in-law and chit-chat.

Dad's ability to make friends probably comes from his mother, of whom it was said could "evangelize a brick wall" because she was kind and friendly. Dad carries on that legacy. More than that, Dad carries around the message of Jesus (Matthew 11:19, Luke 7:34), who was a friend to all kinds of people: rich and poor; sinner and saved. Dad doesn't care about status or stature. He cares about people. He knows who he is in Jesus, and he's not afraid to be that person with everyone.

I can see now why Dad loved those visiting days we had as a kid. He is an extrovert and gets his energy from people. As an introvert, I am not the same, but I can now appreciate my dad for who he is, and those visiting days for what they were. Dad possesses the ability to be friends with anyone and everyone, and that is admirable, and to be praised.

Thanks, Dad, for being a living legacy. I love you. Happy Father's Day!

That's My Dad!

"What's your dad doing these days?" My husband's best man asked when we visited. "He's always been such a hard worker, and so busy!" He said.

"Yes," I replied. "He is retired, but still just as hard working as ever."

My dad has had two major surgeries in the past several years, but when we visited him this summer, he was still out in the shed "knocking pistons out" of some engine. He was still mowing the lawn. He was still out and about visiting people. That's my dad. He values hard work. He is super smart when it comes to engines, and mechanics, and car and truck stuff. He has always been super friendly and likes to visit people and help them out. In just the few hours my mom and I took to go on an adventure, he had my husband out and introduced to all the neighbors and their menageries of animals, as well as to many of the members of his church. That's my dad.

We all have some idiosyncrasies. My dad does, too, but after nearly losing him, and then having him experience a second surgery that could have constrained him to an inactive life, I am so thankful to witness my dad out and about living his life. What a gift from God, and thank you, Lord! I love you, Dad!

Happy Father's Day!

The Year God Gave Back

This time last year, we almost lost my dad. He had serious surgery, so extreme it required machines to hold onto his life while the doctors did their work. Dad came through surgery, but then had some serious complications. It was frightening. It was scary. We prayed like crazy. We begged friends and family to pray. We fought. He fought. For a time, it felt like the dad I knew was gone. I grieved. We grieved. But somehow, by God's grace, after quite a long time, and with a lot of medical intervention, we started to get back to doing our "normal" things as a family:

We visited overnight.

Dad came to cheer on my races.

We celebrated holidays.

We ate meals together.

Dad sent his funny (as well as inspiring) texts.

To misquote the old "Big Yellow Taxi" (1970) song, "you don't know what you got 'til it's gone," and man, after almost losing my dad, this year has been so meaningful! My dad is a big-hearted, kind caring, hardworking, protective, supportive, encouraging guy, and having not only this year with him, but this year with the dad I know and love has been such a blessing. Thank you, Lord, for this gift! Thank you for my dad!

--

I love you, Dad.

Happy Father's Day!

Reference:

Mitchell, J. (1970). Big yellow taxi. [Song]. Siquomb Publishing Corp.

The Crystallized Moments of 2023

Another year, and another year of months, days, weeks, hours, minutes, and moments. These are a few of the memories that have crystallized for me, burning into my memory in lasting, meaningful ways:

That feeling of floating running the Mesa Marathon 10K (I never imagined I could run that fast!)

Touring Coronado Island outside San Diego (wonder and awe)

The finish line after The Fresh 15 15K (the love of the family with me)

Porch sitting (both in the Spring and the Fall; a place of peace)

Watching the Monarch butterfly exhibit at the ASU Mix Center (and just being still)

Dinner with my little brother (Being adults and getting along is so much fun!)

Standing with my mom AND my dad after the Patriot Run to take photos (After the medical 

issues my dad experienced this year, I did not know if this would ever happen again.)

Meeting Ashley LeMieux

Looking over Tempe from the Coca-Cola sundeck (after a little bit of a rough start to that date)

My four and a half year old niece asking me to run with her at the playground

Coffee with a college friend

A healthy Christmas at home

Popping in to surprise my best friend and meet her baby

Spending some time with my Granddad

Here's to another year of memories, and savoring all that God has for us!

Things I Learned From My Dad

My dad taught me a lot of things. Yes, my mom had a big role in my life, too. Some lessons came more clearly from my dad, though:

1) Chivalry matters. My dad taught me early on that men open doors for ladies as a sign of respect. He even took me for rides in his old car where the passenger door wouldn't open from inside to prove it!

2) Leave the place cleaner than you left it. We never, EVER littered, but when we went out into the forest, Dad encouraged us to clean up after not only ourselves. The place should look better, not worse, for us being there, he taught us.

3) Work hard. I don't ever remember Dad teaching us this directly, but he demonstrated it. In the workplace and at home, he labored hard. There was just no other option for him. His example set a standard for us kids.

4) Reading the Bible is work, but worth it. Dad didn't always like to read, but he would sit down and try to read his Bible every day. He showed us the value of the effort, even though it might have been hard for him at times.

5) Do the right thing. Dad had lots of strong beliefs growing up, and although he could compromise where compromising was appropriate, he would not back down on what mattered. He took some flak for his stances, and sometimes still does. He taught me that doing the right thing is the right thing to do, popular or not.

The Apostle Paul gave dads a strong command in Ephesians. "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord" (Eph 6:10). Dad, you did a good job of that. I am still learning from you, too. Thank you! I love you, and Happy Father's Day!

The Encouraging Words of a Dad

 

My dad is not necessarily a person of few words. He is friendly as ever and can strike up a conversation with almost anyone. When he gives words of encouragement, however, they are often succinct, to the point, and in some ways, prophetic. I have often referred to my dad as my biggest cheerleader, and to that extent, I thought I would share some of the words he has said that have had the greatest impact on my life:

You're going to make it.

When you get through this, you're going to help other people.

Just do the next right thing.

Do you know you're loved?

Love you stacks and piles!

As I wrote a card to my dad this year, I reflected on how grateful I was for him. "Thank you," seemed too little to say, but at the same time, just right. 

I love you, Dad, and I am so thankful for you. Happy Father's Day!

The Castle of Love: An Allegory

There once was a princess who lived in a castle. 

It's walls were high. It's moat was wide. 

Within the walls, the princess could play, 

but outside the walls, "No, no way!"

Her jewelry might break. She might dirty her dress.

Stay inside she must, yes, yes!

The father's rules were really quite strict,

but there was nothing to do 

to change his perspective.

Even when the princess had grown

the father's close watch could not ever be thrown,

for the father's good knights roamed far and wide,

and always made sure the princess 

came back safe inside.

But one day a suitor came knocking 

and after some time, he started talking.

The father gave blessing

and the suitor, impressing

asked the girl out to town.

The princess was shocked 

when the drawbridge went down,

but when the knight knelt on one knee,

she started to see, 

that one day she might want 

her own family.

As wedding plans were made,

and rules started to fade.

The princess gained perspective.

for the castle and its jewels,

the king could care less,

but for his dear daughter, 

he wanted the best.

He'd built up the castle 

and enhanced all its walls

not to keep her in

but to keep others out.

The castle showed his love

until a day would draw near

when the princess would recognize

what he'd wanted her to hear:

"You have value."

And then out of his sight,

off into the night

he'd send her with a new protector,

a great knight she would choose

a one to whose castle

she'd now say, "I do."

To the man who taught me to love, so that I might one day love another,

Happy Father's Day!

Dear Daddy, I Still Love You.

Dear Dad,

Six days ago, you "gave me away." I wore a white dress and you wore a suit to walk me down the aisle. At the aisle's end, you answered the pastor's questions, put my hand in the hand of my future husband and sat down. And at that moment, you gave one of the greatest gifts you've ever given. But you've given me so many gifts before that, gifts I want to honor and mention here:

• The gift of presence
• The gift of providing for our family
• The gift of hard work
• The gift of mechanical knowledge
• The gift of hugs and cuddles and love
• The gift of support
• The gift of encouragement
• The gift of prayer
• The gift of spiritual leadership
• The gift of accountability
• The gift of modeling a Christlike marriage
• The gift of accepting Chris and treating him like family when he came into my life

Dear Daddy, I still love you. My love and allegiance may look different now, but you're still an important part of my life, and I'm so thankful for you. Thanks for being you. Thanks for loving me. Thanks for being my dad.

Happy Father's Day!

My First 10K

I saw a meme on Pinterest that said:

Yeah, maybe that applies to me. I ran Pat's Run last weekend, and my first 10K today. A long run last week was part of the 10K training I did, but yes, it was still a lot of running. At least this race was local.

The Whiskey Row Marathon is pretty iconic, mostly because of the hills. The 10K I ran accompanied it. The race supports the YMCA, so I felt good about registering, even if I couldn't run (but I'm glad I did.)

I picked up my packet and bib Friday evening at the YMCA. The goody bag wasn't the greatest, but I'm not necessarily in it for the goody bag. I'm in it for the run, and the medal and the t-shirt (if I can have the latter two). 

It had been a long week, so I decided to do a little self-care Friday evening and painted my nails. How funny that the Sally Hansen color was called Red-y to Run!

Wake-up came at 5 am Saturday. I listened to my Bible readings and got ready to go. It was cold! Chris picked me up at 5:45 am.

Unlike last weekend, the roads were dead. Downtown was dead. We kind of just roved around for awhile. But then they started the half-marathon, and the two mile. A Guidance helicopter flew over before my race.

At 7:20 am, the Regulators shot their rifles and we were off! I knew the first part of the course was hilly. I saw a lady from church and she told me where the worst was. (It was bad, but I guess since I made it back down the other side, it doesn't seem as bad now.)

I told myself not to go fast, as I wanted to finish, and have never run a documented 6.2 miles straight before. I wanted to enjoy a little of the scenery along the way, because it was pretty. 

I mean, look at Thumb Butte!

I wanted to finish in an hour if I could, and by my phone pacing, thought I could.

And guess what, I did! The last hill and corner were a little hard, and I was tired, but I finished! And I ran the whole way!

My dad and Mom and fiance were all at the finish line. That was pretty sweet. 

                            

   

And we all went to breakfast afterward. I've wanted to go to Lone Spur Cafe for awhile, and there wasn't even really a wait!

I got the skinny cowboy skillet with basted eggs and raisin toast. (I think the strawberry jam was homemade.) Yum!

Then it was off to run errands, home for a shower, and more errands. I got pretty tired after lunch, so I took a nap.

All in all, it was a good day. 

Praise the Lord! 

Praise the Lord that I was healthy. 

Praise the Lord that I finished. 

Praise the Lord for the support of loved ones.

Praise the Lord for good food.

Praise the Lord for nice weather.

Praise the Lord for rest.

Praise the Lord, and to Him be the glory!

Arizona: Year Two

I've made it two years, y'all. I've gotten a few funny looks lately when I've expressed my excitement about the anniversary of my move to Arizona, and that's okay. They don't get it. These past two years have wrecked me, in good ways, but in hard ways.

Work: If you had told me in grad school that I'd spending close to fifty hours a week helping kids, I would have said you were crazy. I fought against my elementary school internship placement. I asked the community clinic to only give me teenagers and adults. I didn't take the play therapy training classes offered to me. And now I have a birth to five year-old case load. You'll find me outside throwing a football more than you'll find me in an office. I'm now taking play therapy and sand tray classes. And I'm growing to love what I do. Go figure.

Church: I came home to Arizona partly because my family belonged to a strong church. And it's fallen apart. The brokenness of the people that make up the church has become apparent and though we are pursuing healing, it is messy. We are currently without a pastor and our body has decreased to about a third of the size. But we're still together and the Word is being preached. Thanks be to God.

Family: I planned to live with my parents only long enough to set up my own independent life, but here I am two years later still living at home. It's been hard, but good. I have found a lot of healing in relating to my parents as adults. I've been forced to let some of my perfectionism go and recognize that relationship matters more than having a perfect house or an ideal life. If God ever sees fit for me to get married and have a family of my own, this has been good training.

Worship team: I sang in choir growing up and never thought I'd sing on stage. But I've found community in worship team and you'll find me on the platform a few times a month singing, but for God's glory and not my own.

Car: I thought I knew what I wanted and fought against Dad's suggestions. But I drove the car I liked and it wasn't what I thought. Now I'm back to Dad's suggestions. In fact, I am supposed to get that new car Dad suggested today. My dad is a smart man.

Community: I've expected community to come to me, but I'm learning that I've got to go to it. Relationships aren't one sided. I've met a lot of cool people here, but it takes a lot of intentional effort to connect. Connecting means being honest and vulnerable and belonging to myself above all else. It's hard work.

Health: My health struggles have reminded me that I am human and not invincible. Though I am thankful that my conditions are not fatal, they are frustrating. Dystonia is yet another way that God is sanding off my rough edges. I didn't choose it, but God has allowed it into my life for some reason.

I still have goals in life, but I'm trying to hold them loosely. As God takes what I have known and breaks it all apart, He reveals His bigger and grander and more beautiful plan. And You, my God are greater still.

My Father's Daughter

I am my father's daughter. We both like red and flannel and good food and car shows. But that's surface level stuff. Ask my mom, and she'll tell you Dad and I fought when I was growing up because we were so much alike in our personalities. 

I've been home two years now and I'm so thankful for the opportunities I have now to really get to know and appreciate my dad more. He's so creative and inventive. He's a hard worker and a leader. He takes really good care of my mom and I. He show me what it looks like to have love and respect from a man. 

But above all else, my dad loves and follows his Heavenly Father, and in part because of him, I am that Father's daughter.

Happy Father's Day, Dad!

I love you.

How a Screw and a Flat Tire Reminded Me of the Goodness of God

"I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living."

~Psalm 27:13, New International Version

Last Wednesday, on the way back from an early morning physical therapy appointment, I heard what sounded like a tire popping. I catastrophized and thought my car might collapse to the ground, and strand me, but it didn't. So I drove to work and worked out my day. As I went to get in the car (with a kid) to go home, however, a work van waved me down and said, "Do you know your tire is flat?"

I was like, "No."

"Do you have a spare?" They asked.

"Yes," I said and started moving stuff around in my trunk to get at the spare. I got out the spare and the two men changed my tire in under ten minutes. I took the kid home, took myself home, and got Dad to help me make a plan for fixing my tire before I drove to the airport early Saturday morning.

I'd had a pretty overwhelming day that day, but this incident reminded me that life could be worse. I could have gotten stuck on the side of the road between physical therapy and Prescott. I could have tried to drive on my flat tire and damaged the tire rim or my car. I could have had to wait for Dad to come change my tire at work. 

But God in his providence provided two nice men to drive into the work parking lot at just the right time. I knew they were safe because they were in a work van. They were willing to change my tire and didn't ask for compensation. I have reason to believe that God orchestrated this series of events, too, because I said something to the men about the fact that I don't believe in coincidence. The one man replied, "He makes everything happen for a reason." Yes He does!

God is good and there are still good people in the world. "I [do] see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living" (Ps 27:13).

Grace in a Broken Cup

I broke Dad's favorite coffee cup, like the one he uses every day. It was an accident! I'd washed the cup and left it drying on a tine of the dish rack. When I tried to pull it off to put it away, it slipped out of my hands and fell into the cast iron sink. Voila! The cup went into two large pieces and a thousand tiny shards.

When I told Dad what I'd done, he was like, "The cup I use every day?"

I was like, "Yeah, the black one."

"Oh well." That was all he said. He could condemned me, gotten upset, berated me, or even asked me to replace the cup (which I later did, because I wanted to), but he didn't. He let it go.

I, on the other hand, had a hard time letting go. I questioned what I could have and should have done differently. I was tired and exhausted and needed to go to bed, but found myself wanting to do penance. I wanted to order a new cup right then, or read extra Bible verses, or somehow otherwise punish myself. But I realized I had a choice. I could beat myself up or forgive myself. I could move on, or or I could stay stuck. I chose to move on.

I took my shower that night, read the newspaper, ate my snack, and went to bed as per usual routine. I woke up the next morning and ordered a new cup that not coincidentally said on it, "Best Dad Ever." And life went on.

Being shown grace necessitates that I show it to others, even to myself. Dad's grace wouldn't have done much good had I not it to myself. And I wouldn't know grace had I no need for it. Perhaps grace flows best through broken vessels.

I'm linking up with Amanda at Running with Spoons for this Thinking Out Loud post. 

For King and Country Concert

I did it! I finally went to a For King and Country concert. I've liked King and Country since their song, "Fix My Eyes" came out when I was in graduate school. It became my fight song as I started my internship for counseling. Later, after my dear brother bought me the CD, "It's Not Over Yet," became especially special. My roommate was playing it the night I came home after making a call for emergency assistance. I heard it on the radio after I made the final decision to let the deal on a house I wanted to buy fall through. I've watched videos of King and Country performing and gotten a little jealous of friends on Facebook who posted about seeing them in person. So in the spirit of the #bucketlistproject, I decided I needed to find a way to see them in concert.

I asked a few friends if they wanted to go see King and Country, but none seemed that interested. When Dad offered to go with me, I jumped on the opportunity to have an extra long date with him, and benefit from him driving the hour and a half to the concert venue. (Driving is not my favorite activity in life.)

 Here we are before leaving for the concert.

Dad was excited to see Matthew West at The RoadShow, but most of this trip was a sacrifice for me. He shortcut his Sunday nap for me. He parked at the garage I wanted, not the one he wanted. He walked with me from the parking garage to the venue instead of taking the shuttle.

He took a photo with me by The Road Show backdrop.

He sat with me in our "nosebleed seats," (which turned out to be pretty good, in my opinion). The tickets were only $10, and the GCU arena of 7,000 was sold out, so I'm glad we got seats period.

 He took a selfie with me.

The concert line-up was great, a little too great in my opinion. There were too many good artists before King and Country, which was the reason for my trip, and I kind of just wanted them to hurry up. But alas. They did not.

 The evening started with Bethel Music, which set the stage for worshipping Jesus, not just seeing a performance (ahem, six performances).

Next came Zack Williams,

then Natalie Grant.

We had intermission, followed by Matthew West and Social Club Misfits. Then came For King and Country. It was quite the production,

complete with shadow screens!

The set opened with "Run Wild," followed by "To The Dreamers." Then came, Fix My Eyes," "Not Over Yet," and a song from their new album (to be released), "Choose Joy." They were singing "Shoulders" at 10 pm (the concert started at 6 pm!) when we decided to walk out and head home.

It was an exhausting night, but worth it! I so enjoyed seeing and hearing (though the decibel levels could have been much lower) King and Country in person. And now I've crossed off one more item from my bucket list. (Big shout out to Dad for facilitating!)

What items have you crossed off your bucket list lately, friends? Please share in the comments section.