Birthdays (Why and How to Celebrate)

It's this guy's birthday today. He's not necessary big on celebration, but I am. And since he married me, we're going to celebrate.

Why do I believe celebration is important?

Because life is short. We never know how long God will give us on this earth, so we should celebrate every day. Birthdays are another year of life past and an opening year before us. Why should we not look forward to that?

Because people matter. We live in a fast paced society where we often neglect to tell the people we love that they matter to us. Birthdays are unique to that person and grant opportunity to reflect on what a special someone means.

Because life is a gift. Sometimes we give gifts on birthdays, sometimes we don't. But a birthday is a gift from God, first in the form of a new life, and then in the form of years of living after that. Birthdays are a time we can give thanks to God.

How can we celebrate birthdays?

Birthdays often get overrated and overdone. I don't think that has to be the case. Celebrate big if you want, but also celebrate small. Just emphasize the importance of the day. Here are some suggestions of ways to do that:

Write on their Faceboook wall or send them a message. Facebook tells us when friend's birthdays are, for crying out loud. So this takes little work, but can mean a lot.

Send an e-mail or a text. Yes, this takes a little more work, but can still bless the person's day.

Better yet, call the birthday girl or boy! What a concept! We can actually talk on our texting devices. Yes, people aren't always able to answer the phone, but even a voicemail greeting could bless a person.

Drop a note or card in the mail. Yes, the postal service still works. I personally like sending cards because of how tangible they are. (And it gives me reason to make cards, which I like to do.)

Tell the birthday person what they mean to you. Maybe in person, or maybe via one of the ways above. Just let them know they matter.

Have a special meal. Growing up, my mom let us pick a birthday dinner. It did not have to be extravagant, but we got to pick one of our favorite meals from the normal lineup. That made the day feel special. Going out to dinner or a meal is another option, but not always necessary.

Eat cake (or not). Consider a special treat. Maybe cake's not their thing, but maybe they'd like an extra good cup of coffee. Or a special steak seasoning. Food is a way to celebrate and we can find something that works for every person, dietary restrictions included.

Consider giving a gift. I put this last because it's optional, and honestly, gifts don't mean a lot to some people. But if you have funds and want to give, go for it.

Birthdays matter. Life matters. People matter. So let's celebrate!

(And happy birthday to my beloved. I look forward to celebrating you this day and every day for the gift of God you are to me.)

10K Number Two (And Why Social Media is a Highlight Reel)

I've been trying to run more and run longer. Trying to stay healthy. Trying to get ready for maybe something bigger. But it's been a fight. This race was a last minute addition to my schedule. "Maybe you should run another 10K before you commit to more," Mom said. So I signed up. But then my husband was sick. I had days on end of late nights due to getting called out for work. I struggled to sleep and eat enough. Friday, multiple parts of my body were sick. I thought about not running. But I knew I'd probably feel better if I did.

I tried to go to bed early Friday night, but I also knew I needed to eat. So I choked down this cinnamon raisin bread bowl:

And then I got hungry, like insanely hungry. So I drank peanut butter hot chocolate and ate some granola and peanuts. That kind of backfired, though, as my stomach got upset in the night and I didn't feel like eating my planned pre-race banana in the morning. Instead, I stuck with sipping on some electrolyte water.

Mom and I met at a shopping center and car pooled to the race. (Read: I am terrible with directions and would have struggled to make it there myself.) The men folk were busy, so it was just Mom and I. Groom Creek is up in the mountains of Prescott, and this race benefit the local firefighter's association, a cause I wholeheartedly support.

After arriving, we took a few photos and watched the half-marathon launch. I started to get hungry and sucked on a gel. (My supervisor at work gave these to me. The verdict is out on efficacy, BUT it didn't make me sick and assuaged my hunger, which was a plus.)

My race started at 9 am. A previous runner told me this race was easier than Whiskey Row. I disagree. This race was anything but easy. I mean, look at these ups and downs: 

The race also started at a significantly higher altitude. I started off slow, which seems to be the name of my game. But I got faster as I went.

I was really trying to 1) beat my previous pace, 2) keep up with a runner near me, and 3) catch speed on the downhills. [The splits show where those were.]

The result: 55:09 and 3rd place in my division. Praise the Lord.

But here's where social media is a highlight reel. (I said this when I posted on Instagram.) I was out of breath when I finished. I felt like I was getting, but dodged, a bloody nose. I didn't feel like eating afterward and had to force down food again. I had to run like five errands after the race. I didn't see my husband basically all day because he was preparing to be in a wedding. My mom was sick the night before the race, which she told me after we arrived.

Did I enjoy running? Yes. Should I have run? Maybe, maybe not. In the end, I'm glad I did. I'm thankful for the opportunity and the health to do so. But...I don't want to glamorize my life or make it look like things come easily. Life (and running) is work. Sometimes you get out what you put in. Sometimes you don't. Sometimes you need to press through the wall and sometimes you need to rest. Wisdom is rightly assessing all the information and making the best decision for yourself, and for others. That's hard to do. And social media can in no way fully represent that struggle.

Ten kilometers two is a wrap. We'll see what happens from here. Check social media for highlights, but always know there is more to the story.

Forgiveness, and Why It Matters in Marriage

I washed my husband's wallet the other day. It was an accident, I promise. But it was also due to carelessness. I should have checked the pockets. I didn't. And in my husband's defense, he hadn't actually put the jeans in the laundry hamper. I had found and taken them for laundry because I wanted more to fill the machine.

Anyway, I digress. My husband needed his wallet the day I washed it. Having washed out receipts for work and a wet billfold to carry around in his back pocket couldn't have been fun. But he just laughed and said the wallet would dry. He forgave and showed me grace, instantaneously. 

I can't say I'm always as quick to forgive as my husband. (I married a good man.) But I can say that forgiveness is huge in our marriage. It helps us keep a clean slate. It prevents roots of bitterness from growing. It reminds us that we're human and undeserving of God's great grace and mercy.

Do we sometimes screw up? Often! Do we sometimes disagree. Sometimes. But by God's grace, we're practicing forgiveness. 

So friends, if your mate did something to offend you, advertedly or inadvertently, may I suggest forgiveness? It's work, but worth it.

Born to Shine: Book Review

What do you do when you lose what matters most to you in this life? Do you wallow in darkness, or courageously struggle your way out into the light and shine? Ashley LeMieux has done the latter. After losing her two children to a contested adoption, Ashley worked her way through the trauma to become not only a better person, but a leader who encourages others. Born to Shine is her story, a story not only of recovery, but of hope, for if she can suffer as she did and rise, others can, too.

Born to Shine is not your typical story of redemption. Ashley's story doesn't have the happy ending she or anyone else would hope for. She and her husband became permanent guardians of two precious children early in their marriage, and after years of being a family, they decided to adopt them. It was at that point that they became “foster” parents and entered into a tremendously long court battle that ended in the children being taken away with a day's notice, and a day Ashley was away on a work trip to boot. Ashley writes about the pain of that day, but also the pain of wanting her children to eventually contact her, and that, too, having a painful ending. But through it all, Ashley has chosen to shine.

Born to Shine is part memoir, part self-help. Regardless of genre, it was hard to put down. Ashley's words were convicting, but also encouraging. The questions she asks of readers are thought-provoking. The story she weaves is spellbinding. Ashley writes with energy, even in the midst of pain, and the joy she shares is utterly contagious.

When I told my husband I cried while reading this book, he asked what it was about. “It's about a family who lost their children,” I said.

“Why would anyone want to read that?” He asked.

“Because it's a story of redemption,” I replied.

I, as a believer in Christ for salvation, see Christ as the ultimate source of hope. Ashley doesn't quite get there. Rather, she credits an undefined God with being part of the reason for her recovery. Still, I cannot help but wholeheartedly recommend this book. Maybe, just maybe, and hopefully, Ashley will write future books sharing more about her journey.

Ashley and Mike LeMieux lost their children. They lost two little ones they raised and in whom they invested their lives. The LeMieux's did not lose their lives, however. They did not lose their humanity. They have emerged from their darkness humbler, stronger, and more full of light than ever before. Their story is proof of the goodness of humanity and the resilience of the human soul, even in the midst of the darkest night.

*Note: I received an advance copy of Born to Shine as part of the book launch team, but received no compensation for my blog posts or opinions.

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Want to read? The book releases in paperback form October 8th, and you can pre-order now on Amazon.

And if you want to hear more of Ashley's story, I recommend her Sounds Good podcast episode.

If you want to hear more after that, consider the book launch tour coming to a city near you!

To support Ashley and her work, consider shopping The Shine Project or Ashley's personal fashion selection. (I personally ordered a dress from the later and very much like it!)

Real Life Marriage: There is an Enemy

(Photo by Arris Affairs) 

"How's married life?" People ask.

"Marriage is good," I reply. "But life is rough."

When Chris and I married, we committed before God and man that we would stick it out, for better or for worse. I anticipated that we would struggle to meld our lives together into one, especially after so many years of being single. Maybe it's God's goodness, or the fact that Chris is very adaptable, or the fact that we had good premarital counseling, or the fact that we've been intentional with our actions, but so far, praise God, most of the hard has not been internal. We truly love each other, and we try to act in ways that show it. But the external, that has been hard.

Over the past three months, we've had sickness and stress. We've had crazy work schedules. We've had major church and family changes (both positive and negative). We've had pushes and pulls we'd never have expected. We've had to be super purposeful about spending time together, and even that has been tough. I've felt super emotional for days on end. My work has been some of the hardest it's been. The Holy Spirit has had to convict me time and time again to combat the bitterness and resentment that so easily want to build up in my heart. I've had to face up to the fact that I cannot meet even my own expectations of what a wife should be, never mind everything culture dictates. I've had to be honest and vulnerable with Chris like never before. It's been hard.

As Chris and I have talked about our marriage thus far, we've come to the conclusion that our fight for our marriage is a team effort. We're a team against the stresses and strains of life that want to pull us apart. We're a team against the emotions that cascade our days. There is an enemy, but we're not it. We're a team against the enemy Satan, who wants to destroy and demean our marriage so that it isn't what Christ intended it to be. So by Christ's power and the Holy Spirit that lives in us, we'll continue to fight, not against each other, but for each other, and for our marriage. Because our marriage is a treasure worth fighting for.

Patriot Run 3.0

I've been trying to train for a longer race. If I get there, I'll let you know. But on the training schedule, I was supposed to run a 5K. This one fell at just about the right time. I've run the Patriot Run before, but each time I run it, it feels special.

Since I am trying to train for a longer race and also live close to the race location, I walked to the start line this time. That made a for a good warm-up and greeting to the day. (Bonus: I did not have to fight potential crowds to find a parking spot.)

I sipped some water, since I've been trying to proactively hydrate, and took some photos with Mom and Dad. (My husband was at a church conference.)

The 10K started at 7 am, and 15 minutes later, we were off running the 5K. People started fast. I was running with my phone and tried to pace myself and tell myself I could catch them later. The first mile or so felt hard, though, and I wondered how I would ever finish in the time I wanted, let alone catch the people in front of me. And let's be honest, I was feeling competitive because this race is small, and I thought I had a chance of placing. Slowly, but surely, I found a stride, and my splits got faster.

I didn't catch all of the people. (The top guy finished in 21:00 flat. Craziness!) I did manage to catch the other ladies, though, and finished with a time of 26:07. That isn't my fastest, but it's my fastest at this elevation, and I was very thankful!

I ended up placing ninth overall and first for my age division. And they actually pronounced my last name correctly when I went on stage, which is a first for me. (It's also the first time I've run under my married name.) Happy girl!

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In foodie news, my parents and I tried out a new bakery for breakfast. Mom and I split the early bird breakfast of a basted egg, sausage, and sourdough toast.

That left me ravenous, so I went for splitting a honey pecan roll with Mom for breakfast: round two.

Ooey, gooey, delicious! (And way better than Dad's cinnamon roll. Sorry, Dad!)

I had a bottle of water with electrolytes when I got home, and a health(ier) salad for lunch, but then pizza for dinner, and a big nighttime snack.

I might should have eaten a greater quality of food after running so hard, as my stomach feels a bit off today, but live and learn. At least I had a good quantity of food for refueling.

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On to the week, and, Lord willing, more training, but praise the Lord for a fun weekend!

Mindfulness Aids: The FitBit

There's a lot of judgment in the wellness world. Judgment for following certain plans and not following others. Judgement for using certain methods of measurement. Judgment for not using methods of measurement. I'm all for intuitive living, but sometimes it just doesn't work. I need some accountability and some help. And that's why I bought a FitBit. Okay, that's not the only reason why I bought the device. I will confess that some of my reasons were vain, and because of wants, but that's not what this post is about. This post is about how sometimes we help getting back in tune with our bodies and what's good for us.

It is no secret that I have a high stress job. I like my job, but it can get pretty intense at times. It can also cause me to sit for hours on end. I try to stand up when I work on my Microsoft Surface computer, but even that does not happen sometimes. I have been thinking about buying a FitBit for awhile, and when they went on sale the weekend of Black Friday two years ago, I did it. And I really haven't looked back.

What do I like about the FitBit?

Well at lot of things. I like that it logs steps. I like the fancy, "rise to wake" time feature (though it also annoys me because sometimes it doesn't work, and sometimes it works at the most inopportune times, like it a pitch black room when I'm trying to sneak about unnoticed.) I like the heart rate tracking feature. I like the auto-track for exercise. I like the accountability it gives me to get up and move every hour.

What don't I like about the FitBit?

The manufacturing! I got a crack in the face of my Charge 2 before the first year I used the FitBit. The company warrantied it, and gave me a new dongle, which I appreciated. But this year, less than a year into using that dongle, I got another crack. And the company warranty doesn't fix it. FitBit, please find a better manufacturing process. I like your product, but....

The app favors cardio workouts. Step goals are one thing, but strength training and even cross training have value. And the device doesn't give as much credit to those.

What features do I use?
I track workouts that aren't running (to give myself some credit, since the steps don't really add up for certain types of exercise--see above). I monitor my sleep via the app. (it helps keep me accountable, or at least lets me know why I feel tired.) I use the app as a period calendar (because the doctors always ask, "When was your last cycle?" and I don't remember!). 

What features don't I use?
The stopwatch. The run tracker. (I prefer RunKeeper.) The guided breathing. The food tracker. (This is where intutive eating comes into play. I'm not really sure that calorie counter is right. And if I start from basal metabolism to "earn calories," it's depressing. But if I eat to keep up with the estimated calories, I can overeat. Honor hunger cues, people. It's a much better way to go.)

My take-aways:
Although I'm all for intuitive living and doing what feels right in your body; I argue that data can inform the way we live. The FitBit is one such source of information for me. It keeps me more mindful of my body and the fact that my body is created to move, frequently, as in every hour, not just for my 30 minutes of daily exercise. I look at the clock less at night since I know I can check my FitBit dashboard to see how I slept. I notice when I have a fever or I am stressed because my heart rate noticeably rises. I feel more in tune with my body overall, and let's be honest, being able to have at least one measurable goal (as in steps) a day that is reasonably achievable is nice.

In conclusion:
Is the FitBit for everyone? No. Technology is a first-world privilege. Step trackers are definitely not a necessity in life. And plenty of other companies make step trackers. Nor will the FitBit necessarily help with mindfulness. Checking steps can become obsessive and compulsive. If you struggle in that way, maybe it's not right for you. Can steps become an idol? Probably yes to that, too.

In summary, the FitBit is helpful for me right now. I use it. I'm thankful for it. Yes, paradoxically, a concrete external data provider is actually part of my mindfulness practice. Contradictions sometimes do exist.

Seven Mile Gulch Trail (And Why Sometimes It's Okay to Quit)

I asked my husband last minute last night if we could go hiking today. I had the hiking bug, and it just felt like it would be nice to be outside and move before we probably spent the rest of Labor Day lying around. My husband said we could go if I could find a trail, so close to midnight, I hopped on the National Forest Service website and found Seven Mile Gulch Trail. 

Granted, it said it was steep, but it was close, and had no paid parking. It said it took an hour and a half to hike, but normally those estimates are off. And besides, it wasn't in the mountains, so how steep could it be?

We decided to get up at 6:30 am, get dressed, and head straight out. We ended up leaving around 7 am and arriving at the trail about 7:15 am. I figured that left us just about an hour to hike. (We had a 10 am commitment back at home.) I figured we'd get to at least the 2.25 mile trail junction, or at best, hike the whole 3.1 mile trail.

Well, the trail started out flat-ish. And then it started to climb, and climb, and climb. There were some great views, but the hills never seemed to end. They were covered with somewhat loose, shale-y rock, and has my husband pointed out, the trail really wasn't designed that well, because it had no flat points, or even switchbacks. It was just hilly. If we wanted to rest, we just had to plant our feet, or plop down.

At about 45 minutes in, we were at 1.75 miles. I hoped the trail would even out so we could get to my 2.25 mile trail junction goal. I tried to move a little faster, not wanting this trail to get the best of me. But the trail kept climbing. And my all too wise husband pointed out, "I don't think we're anywhere near the trail junction."

At that point, I had a choice: Ignore my husband. Ignore our tiredness and use of almost all our water. Push the time we needed in order to get back home on time. Or quit. I'm not a quitter, and it's not like me to give up. But it this case, it was a pretty easy decision. I took a few more photos and we turned around and headed back. 

I don't know if I'll ever see the end of the trail. Given how steep those hills were, I don't know if I'll try to conquer the trail again. But you know what? That's okay. The goal today wasn't to finish the trail. The goal was to get outside and move and spend time with my husband and enjoy it. The commitment we had at home was more important than finishing the trail. And I'm trying to train for a longer race again, so I don't need to go exhausting myself on an off-running/crosstraining/rest day. So I quit.

Quitting our hike early doesn't make me a quitter, though. Because it's okay to quit thing sometimes. It's okay to prioritize. Quitting one thing might mean you can finish another. And sometimes that other thing is more important. So in that case, quitting makes you a finisher, even if it wasn't the thing you originally started.