Becoming New: Marriage is a Remaking.

When I started feeling like God might want me to get married, I knew he had some rough edges to sand off. I knew I was stubborn and stupid and prideful and would need to change some of the ways I lived life. But man, marriage has been a lot more refining than mere sanding. It's like I'm on the pottery wheel, spinning at breakneck speed life, all the while being scraped and molded and formed into something something completely new.

Everything about marriage seems new. I'm forming new habits. I'm giving up old ones. I'm developing new allegiances. I'm dropping old ties. Things that used to matter don't matter so much, and things that used not to matter, matter. I'm tired and stressed and stretched and pressed. I don't always feel like I know myself, and the shape of what I'm turning into is unknown. Quite frankly, I often feel uncomfortable.

This is the process I committed to, however. This is what I promised to endure when I said, "For better or for worse...until death do us part." God knew what I needed. God knows the shape of what I will become.

Marriage is the making of a new family. It's two becoming one. It is also one becoming new, however. It's a reshaping of who I am, a re-becoming of the person God created me to be.

Refining? Yes. Remodeling? Yes. Marriage is all of these things. But ultimately marriage is a remaking, a remaking of everything about me. And that's okay. It's even good. Because the Potter on the wheel is in control, and His vision for my life is far beyond anything I could ever want or ask or imagine. To Him be the glory!

Born to Shine: Book Review

What do you do when you lose what matters most to you in this life? Do you wallow in darkness, or courageously struggle your way out into the light and shine? Ashley LeMieux has done the latter. After losing her two children to a contested adoption, Ashley worked her way through the trauma to become not only a better person, but a leader who encourages others. Born to Shine is her story, a story not only of recovery, but of hope, for if she can suffer as she did and rise, others can, too.

Born to Shine is not your typical story of redemption. Ashley's story doesn't have the happy ending she or anyone else would hope for. She and her husband became permanent guardians of two precious children early in their marriage, and after years of being a family, they decided to adopt them. It was at that point that they became “foster” parents and entered into a tremendously long court battle that ended in the children being taken away with a day's notice, and a day Ashley was away on a work trip to boot. Ashley writes about the pain of that day, but also the pain of wanting her children to eventually contact her, and that, too, having a painful ending. But through it all, Ashley has chosen to shine.

Born to Shine is part memoir, part self-help. Regardless of genre, it was hard to put down. Ashley's words were convicting, but also encouraging. The questions she asks of readers are thought-provoking. The story she weaves is spellbinding. Ashley writes with energy, even in the midst of pain, and the joy she shares is utterly contagious.

When I told my husband I cried while reading this book, he asked what it was about. “It's about a family who lost their children,” I said.

“Why would anyone want to read that?” He asked.

“Because it's a story of redemption,” I replied.

I, as a believer in Christ for salvation, see Christ as the ultimate source of hope. Ashley doesn't quite get there. Rather, she credits an undefined God with being part of the reason for her recovery. Still, I cannot help but wholeheartedly recommend this book. Maybe, just maybe, and hopefully, Ashley will write future books sharing more about her journey.

Ashley and Mike LeMieux lost their children. They lost two little ones they raised and in whom they invested their lives. The LeMieux's did not lose their lives, however. They did not lose their humanity. They have emerged from their darkness humbler, stronger, and more full of light than ever before. Their story is proof of the goodness of humanity and the resilience of the human soul, even in the midst of the darkest night.

*Note: I received an advance copy of Born to Shine as part of the book launch team, but received no compensation for my blog posts or opinions.

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Want to read? The book releases in paperback form October 8th, and you can pre-order now on Amazon.

And if you want to hear more of Ashley's story, I recommend her Sounds Good podcast episode.

If you want to hear more after that, consider the book launch tour coming to a city near you!

To support Ashley and her work, consider shopping The Shine Project or Ashley's personal fashion selection. (I personally ordered a dress from the later and very much like it!)

I've Been In Your Chair.

I've been in your chair. I've been in that place of darkness and depth and desperation (and sometimes I still find myself there). I've needed insight and help and encouragement and guidance and motivation. And people were there for me.

I've had several kids ask me why I do what I do over the past few years. Quite simply, I've been there. I went through a long period of darkness in my early teen years, and even into college and my early adulthood. (And I'm not saying I don't have dark days now. I do.) But I was in a period of life where I was incredibly self destructive, where I didn't believe anyone loved me, where all I saw was darkness, and I needed help. I needed professional help.

I went to a variety of professionals (both physical and mental practitioners) during that time. Some were helpful. Some were not. But the helpful ones, the counselors who propelled me towards the Lord and towards freedom were the ones that gave me information that made a difference. They were the ones who walked with me through hard times, who didn't tell me it was going to be okay, but who held hope for me that one day my life would be better. And praise the Lord, it is. Some of those people know where I am today. Some don't. But those who knew me then and know me now can testify that I am a different person.

As a counselor, I'm not saying I'm beyond counseling. I've been back to counseling several times since my intensive days, and I'm not against going again. As a Christian, I'm not saying that prayer and accountability and lay person encouragement don't make a difference, either. They do. But sometimes you just need professional help. You need an outside observer, an impartial party, someone you can yell at, and be angry at, and not have to be in an everyday relationship with. Someone who will help you process the hard things. Someone who can give you insight and perspective and guidance. Some days, I'm honored to be in that chair.

I've been in your chair. That's how I got to my chair. By God's grace, I'm a counselor. And if I'm your counselor, I'm honored to hold hope for you, because others once held hope for me. And by the Holy Spirit's power, I'll keep holding hope for you, and for a better world until Christ returns and makes all things new.

Who I Serve and Where I'm Going

Arizona lost a public servant this past Saturday. Regardless of political or religious party, I think it's hard to argue that John McCain was anything but a servant. He was first a member of the United States military, then a POW, a senator, and a presidential candidate. As Arizona and the nation have mourned his loss, I have seen his likeness and life story posted everywhere. And the one burning question I have is, "I wonder where he is now."

John McCain was not overtly religious. He was more about politics than asserting his personal beliefs. But he is still a human with a destiny, and I hope He is with Jesus.

McCain's daughter Meghan posted the following on Instagram and it gives me some hope:

But in my mind, stating that McCain is with the "Author of All Things" still does not make it clear what he believed. It's not my place to judge, it's just that I care where he went.

As I've reflected on the uncertainty of McCain's whereabouts, I've thought about my own life. I am not always open about what I believe, nor overtly expressive about whom I serve. I have faith in God through the Lord Jesus Christ, but I'm not shouting that from the street corners. I believe that I'll go to heaven because of what Christ did on the cross to pay for my sins, but I don't want to beat people over the head with it. Rather than advertising my faith on back of my t-shirt or the rear window of my car, I hope live in a way that demonstrates Who I worship and where I'm going. 

Whenever I go, I want people to know that I serve Jesus 

and that my forever home is in heaven. 

May the Holy Spirit continue His work in me to make that truth evident.

Convicted (Book Review)

I'm working on my #bucketlistproject, and I completed the reading portion of the list with reading a biography/autobiography/memoir. I'd heard about or seen this book somewhere, and felt compelled to read it, so I ordered in off good old Amazon and dug in.

Convicted: A Crooked Cop, An Innocent Man, and an Unlikely Journey of Forgiveness and Friendship by Jameel McGee and Andrew Collins tells a story that seems too good to be true, but it is not. It's real life. The book, as told from both Jameel's and Andrew's viewpoints, reads like a first hand story, giving perspective from both men. There are a few times it feels a little forced, like when Andrew tells about giving his testimony to Jameel the first time they met after prison, but maybe that is real life, too. After all, Andrew is now an ordained pastor working with Young Life.

I do think the title of the book is a bit of an oversell. Jameel was not completely innocent, and Andrew was not a completely crooked cop. Jameel made some poor choices that caused him to "get the book thrown at [him]" when Andrew falsely arrested him. Andrew clearly states that his pride and arrogance led him down a road that led him to accuse Jameel of something he didn't do, but that he had good intentions with her career as a cop. Those issues aside, the book is powerful, both from individual and relational perspectives. God pursued Jameel for years, but Jameel did not always pursue God. At Jameel's lowest point in prison, however, he had an encounter with God. "I...started listening to God" He writes (p. 108). "I listened to what he had said to me with the Bible verses and with the three little words that kept running through my head: Let it go. Finally, I chose to do just that. I let it go. I gave my anger and my desire for revenge over to him. All of it." Jameel did get released from prison early, but he didn't go on to have an easy life. He went on to homelessness and illness and still wanting to harm Andrew. God kept speaking, "Let it go," to him, however, and in a beautiful moment shared at the end of the book, it is Jameel who is speaking these words to Andrew. God truly did reconcile Jameel to himself, and to his brother in Christ, Andrew. (Read Colossians 1:20 about God's overwhelming ability to enact reconciliation).

Andrew is harsh on himself in this book. He did wrong, and he's brutally honest about it. He didn't reach out to God until he thought he might go to prison, and then he did get incarcerated. He feared losing his marriage, and his wife stuck with him, but it wasn't easy. He feared returning to his community and wanted to run, but he did not. Andrew stayed in his community, and then he found out he had imprisoned an innocent man, something he did not think he had done. The pain just kept on coming. Sure, he had "cooked the books," to get arrests, but he had always thought he'd sent the guilty away. Jameel was innocent. With the pain of confronting Andrew's past, however, came healing. Seeing him struggle to forgive himself, and forgive people who had hurt him is powerful. Reading about Jameel's role in setting an example of forgiveness is extraordinary.

This book is not perfect, but neither is real life. That is why I highly recommend this book. It issues a call to readers to be reconciled to God, and to each other. It shows that reconciliation between races (Jameel is black and Andrew is white, though they do not talk about that differences much) and between victims and aggressors is possible. If readers finish this story and are not convicted about the power of forgiveness, they might need to ask if they are being honest about their own struggles and failures. Nobody is perfect. We are all convicted to death for our sins. That is why we all need forgiveness and friendship, and from Jesus Christ most of all!

You Can't Keep a Good Man Down.

"You can close your eyes.

You can say it's a lie.

You can stick your head in the sand.

You can turn away, even try to explain

He was just another man.

When they nailed Him to the cross by His hands and feet

and they put Him in the ground

three days later everybody found out that you can't

no you can't keep a good man down, no

no you can't keep a good man down."

I heard these NewSong lyrics last weekend as we passed Good Friday and approached Easter Sunday. As I listened, I couldn't help but sing along. Life's been hard lately, but "you can't keep a good man down." I persevere because of Jesus. I live because He lives. For those who believe in Jesus, the end is not the end, but rather a new beginning.

Romans 8:11 says, "And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies because of his Spirit who lives in you." Do all men live because of Jesus? No. Some choose not to accept The Good Man. And certainly all die on this earth. But because of Jesus, those who do accept his atonement for their sins have hope in life eternal.

Because of Jesus, I also have hope of victory for the good inside of men on this earth. I have hope for victory over struggle, sin, addiction, and disease. Does that always happen? No. Those who choose not to accept The Good Man lack access to His power. And some overcome by leaving this earth and going to be with the resurrected Jesus. But good on earth is possible because of The Good Man.

You can't keep a good man down. If God can raise Jesus from the dead, He can do anything.