Everything I Read in January

I am not reading like I read last year, not even close. But I am reading, and to eliminate having to comb through a long list of books to create a "best" list at the end of the year, I thought I just might publish I list of everything I read at the end of each month. Please let me know if you like this format!

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Books I read in January 2023:

1. 100 Ways to Love Your Husband by Lisa Jacobson—This is a really excellent book. Simple, yet profound, and with a few anecdotes along the way, this book challenges wives to love their husbands—well—and to keep on growing in that love. With practical, as well as theological implications, this book is a must read for Christian wives, more than once, if possible!

2. The Journey of Desire: Searching for the Life We've Only Dreamed Of by John Eldredge —I felt a little afraid to read this book. I worried that it would be some kind of call to hedonism. It was, and it wasn't. In the book, Eldredge chronicles his own struggles with desires, some of which died with the untimely passing of his best friend. Eldredge asserts that desire is not evil, but that it can rule a person if not submitted to Christ. This is a very Ecclesiastical book, encouraging readers to embrace desire, see what it tells them, and recognize that desire is only fully satisfied in eternity. I hoped that this book would help me reconcile my own desires with the kingdom, but really, it focused on the kingdom, which is where, I suppose, is the place the search for desire and dreams should truly lead.

3. Things I Never Told You By Beth K. Vogt—Okay, this was good book, following Payton Thatcher, the twin sister that survived a horrific accident during her teenage years. She has tumultuous relationships with her older sisters Johanna and Jillian. She is in a business relationship that works, but is not her passion. She has regular nightmares that she tries to escape. Eventually, she realizes that she needs to tell the truth, the whole truth about what happened the day of the accidents, so that she can move on. The story intrigues and wraps readers in. There are redemptive elements and loose ends that readers want tied up. The book totally ends on a cliffhanger, which is frustrating, but maybe the point. Payton had things she never told her family. Readers what to be told what happens next!

4. Moments We Forget by Beth K. Vogt—Switching to the viewpoint of sister Jillian, this book chronicles recovery from cancer, chemo brain, and finding out that others in her life are forgetful, purposely so. This book has a few unexpected twists and turns, as well as a deeper dive in to several of the sister's search for God. God's love is made known, but there is no mention of Jesus or the Holy Spirit, things believers need (and don't want to forget!). A sweet and touching story, it drove me to quickly read part three!

5. The Best We’ve Been by Beth K. Vogt—This third installment of the Thatcher sisters series follows the oldest sister Johanna, a career-minded pharmacist who faces more than one major life change. It also shows how sisters Jillian and Payton fight for their faith, and how family secrets can rock the lives of family. It emphasizes forgiveness, resilience, and choosing to be family—whether that be a nuclear family, a single-parent family, a newly married family, or a reuniting family. Though this book does not tie up all the loose ends, it does the best job of all the books, leaving the Thatcher sisters the best they've been since the series started.

6. Love Works: Seven Timeless Principles for Effective Leaders by Joel Manby—From the CEO of Herschend Entertainment, aka the company that runs Silver Dollar City in Branson, Missouri (along with other attractions), this is an application of First Corinthians 13 to the workplace. Manby shares his own struggles with love and leadership, as well as stories of people that have inspired him to lead with love. Though not earth-shattering in its concepts, this is an encouragement to focus on what matters and trust God to take care of the rest!

7. Another Chance to Love You by Robin Lee Hatcher—This was a redemptive love story, about Monica, a woman who came to know the Lord recently and is trying to live and act in accordance with the Truth. Daniel Rourke, meanwhile, is a big-shot journalist, burned out, and trying to figure out what really matters in life. The two have a history, more than they realize. This is a beautiful story about second chances, forgiveness, and trusting the Lord. Salvation through Jesus, adoption, and pro-life messages come through clearly.  Salvation of a main character and the ending seem a little abrupt, but overall, this was an enjoyable, edifying, read that I would recommend taking a chance to read.

8. Finding the Road Home by Tina Radcliffe—After raising his siblings, Police Chief Mitch Rainbolt has never left his hometown of Rebel, Oklahoma. Daisy Anderson, meanwhile, moves to Rebel from Colorado for the small town life. She buys a fixer upper, even while trying to fix up the town with enough civic engagement enough to keep her job funded. Along the way, she receives needed, but unwanted help from the people of the town. She considers living out her dream of owning a bakery, but denies it for quite some time. The chief and her paths keep crossing, and in the end, both are forced to face their pasts and consider where they want home to be. This is a touching story that includes adoption, love, forgiveness, and making peace with the past. It is about finding the road home, not just being home.

9. Looking Into You by Chris Fabry (1/27/23)—Professor Paige Redwine is stuck, stuck in her career as a professor, stuck as a professor, stuck in a trauma from the past that she cannot seem to shake. Treha Langsam, on the other hand, is trying to outgrow her past, trying to move past her trauma and start life on her own at a new university. When she attends Professor Redwine's class, they find that their lives connect on a very intimate level. Their connection causes both of them to run, and then unify. This is a beautiful work of fiction, from which I wrote down far more true-to-life quotes than anything else I have read recently. Still, the story was somehow hard for me to read. I am not sure if it was the content matter, the writing style, or both. I am torn about reading more from this new-to-me author, but I am intrigued enough by this story that I just might look into it!

10. Happily Ever After: Six Secrets to a Successful Marriage by Gary Chapman (1/29/23)—Gary Chapman once again provides practical advice in this guide on almost everything marriage (from money to sex to in-laws, and even being an in-law). He does repeat some concepts (eg love languages) and stories, but overall, what he writes is helpful. Each chapter includes a “putting the principles into practice section” to help couples apply what they are learning. I might suggest using this book as a reference for help dealing with specific struggles, rather than reading it straight through as I did. Having successfully read it all, though, now I know what is in it and can refer back and apply as needed.

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As you can tell, I read a lot more fiction than non-fiction this month. Honestly, it has been an escape. Some weeks, it has also kept me from doom-scrolling social media, though, which I see as a plus. I did intentionally try to read all Christian literature (which admittedly can be of lower quality, unfortunately) as I know my tendency to have a weaker filter when reading mostly for pleasure. Maybe I will return to secular fiction and nonfiction next month. Maybe I won't. We will see.

Afghan 75

Afghan 75 is in the books! This was a fairly easy one, made with half double crochet stitches and color changes every 10 rows. The afghan did turn out square, which was a bit different.

My friend requested "no pink" but "girly blue" for her new little one. Hopefully fits the bill!

Hook: size J Boye ergonomic crochet hook

Yarn: 

Caron simply soft yarn in pagoda

Impeccable solid yarn by Loops & Threads in skylight

Mainstays white

Pattern: Berries and cream baby blanket by Cute and Cozy Crochet

Finished size: 36 inches by 36 inches (one of the rare times a blanket actually turns out like the pattern says!)

The Bewitching Hours

I woke up and had to go the bathroom. Sneaking a look at the clock, I saw the early hour of 12:39 AM glare back at me. I laid back down and tried to sleep. I couldn't. My mind started racing. Very quickly, it went to the worst. I thought terrible things about my marriage. I contemplated what would happen if my greatest fears in life materialized, how I would cope, if I would cope. And on and on and on. These dark thoughts weren't unfamiliar. They didn't come often, but when I wake up at an early am hour, I knew to expect them. One of my pastor called these early hours of worry the "bewitching hours," and oh, they really are.

Half asleep, my mind lacks strong executive function. Half asleep, I am prey to the enemy. Wanting sleep, the last thing I want is to worry, but that is where my mind automatically goes. So I have a plan. I have a strategy. When I wake up during the bewitching hours, I try to pray. If the enemy intends this time for evil, by the power of God's Spirit, I shall use it for good! If I can't pray, I will recite memorized Bible verses. And if I can't stay awake enough to do that, I will get my phone and read the Psalms, or if alone, turn on a small light and read. These may be the bewitching hours, but I shall not be bewitched.

Plenty of things happen automatically, like the dark thoughts that come to me middle of the night. While I cannot stop the thoughts, I can come at them with a plan. My plan is a Be-With-God plan. It doesn't always work (because I am a fallen human), and it doesn't always work right away. Sometimes, I even wonder if God is waking me up because he wants me to pray. Regardless, I plan to not be had. I plan to be with God, all the time, regardless of the hour. Bewitched, I will be not. Being WITH God, yes, this I shall be.

The Bible is True.

People throw a lot of shade on the Bible, saying it's outdated, too black-and-white, too-legalistic, etc. Respectfully, the more I read, and the more I learn via my chosen profession, the more I see that the Bible is true, and that God's way is the best way.

For, example, take the Bible's recommendation to remain abstinent before marriage. Some people think that's God hurting their fun. Well, studies show that abstinence before marriage increases marital satisfaction (Stanley, Rhoades, & Markman, 2006). Want a good marriage? Wait for sex. Your marriage will be better. 

The Bible is old. It was true when it was written, and now scientific findings back it up. God commands against sin, not just because it hurts His relationship to people, but also because it hurts people. That thing about sins passing on to the third and fourth generation (New International Version, Exodus 20:5)? Epigenetics show that this is, in fact, the case (Curry, 2019). Epigenetics also show that it takes up to three generations to ameliorate the effects of trauma (Learn. Genetics., n.d.). The Bible is true.

That thing about the ideal family being two parents? Well, it really is best for kids. Children who come from two parent homes, of multiple races, have less poverty, less prison, and more college (Wilcox, Wang, & Rowe, 2021). While some families do suffer trauma and tragedies that prevent the presence of both parents, where possible, it is worth it to work at keeping the family together.

God is not a fun-killer. His commands are for the best of his people. The Bible is the way He reveals those plans. It would behoove us to read it, not just to relate to him, but to relate to and live out its truths. It really will be best for everybody!

References:

Curry, A. (2019, July 18). Parents' emotional trauma may change their children's biology. Studies in mice show how. Science.org. https://www.science.org/content/article/parents-emotional-trauma-may-change-their-children-s-biology-studies-mice-show-how

Learn. Genetics. (n.d.). Epigenetics & Inheritance. Learn. Genetics. Genetic Science Learning Center. https://learn.genetics.utah.edu/content/epigenetics/inheritance

Stanley, S. M., Rhoades, G. K., & Markman, H. J. (2006). Sliding Versus Deciding: Inertia and the Premarital Cohabitation Effect. Family Relations, 55(4), 499–509. http://www.jstor.org/stable/40005344

Wilcox, W.B., Wang, W., & Rowe, I. (2021, June 17). Less poverty, less prison, more college: What two parents mean for black and white children. Institute for Family Studies. https://ifstudies.org/blog/less-poverty-less-prison-more-college-what-two-parents-mean-for-black-and-white-children

An Argument for Attending Church in Person

Another one of my centering practices? Attending church. In person. And this comes from someone who has had a complicated relationship with church. I am convicted that I need to attend, though, so I do. After the break of in-person fellowship due to the outbreak of COVID-19, I am more convicted than ever about church, and that I need to attend...in person. Attending church online is something, and we still do it from time to time (like when we are sick, or out of town), but there really is no substitute for in-person attendance.

Going to church in-person requires a lot. It requires getting up early on a weekend. It requires getting dressed. It limits time for a leisurely breakfast. We have to spend time commuting. It takes gas. All of these force us to set aside church as a priority, which is what it should be.

The inconveniences of attending church in person have some benefits. The physical preparations also require mind preparation. The commute time grants minutes of stillness to prepare to hear God's word. Time in the car on the way home grants time for discussion.

The church as a place limits distractions. Sure, attending church from home is convenient, but there are chores, dishes, laundry, and other to-dos right in my face. There are also other "shiny" things that catch my attention, like loud noises outside. I am also much more tempted to look at my phone and otherwise do distracting things that seem less permissible in the actual church building. The church building, in that way, therefore provides accountability. 

The people of the church also provide accountability. The people we sit with know us and ask about where were when we are absent. Online churches do not have a great way of keeping the hundreds (often thousands, or more) of people who watch accountable. The people we sit with ask about when we miss church not out of legalism, but because they care. Relationships are an important part of the church that online services struggle to offer.

Participation is a crucial aspect of church, especially when it comes to church rituals and ceremonies. Sure, you can sing at home, and baptize at home, and commune at home, but there is something different about doing it in person (Gunderson, 2020). Similarly, there is the doing of life with church members. I have sometimes learned more from conversations with other people than I have from the sermon itself (for example, the man we sit with talking about progressive sanctification as living in a "mixed" condition between our sinful lives here on earth and our glorified lives in heaven). At our church, there are certain "body life" issues (eg church discipline and church support for personal matters) that the church only addresses in person. This is important for the privacy of the individuals, but if we want to help, we have to be there to hear about the need. As Thom Rainer (2020) points out, in-person church attendance is also a way to encourage pastors, and we want that, if we want to keep hearing the Word from them!

There are practical matters, too. As good as technology is, live streams can get interrupted. Internet service can go down. Important parts of a service can get missed. Is some church better than no church? Certainly, but a full church experiences happens best in person.

Going to church is a habit for me. It's something that requires self-discipline, rather than something that comes easy. I could go to church online. (I do go to church online sometimes.) For me, though, and for my husband and I as a couple, being there, were our feet on the floor and our bodies in seats is important. For that reason, we keep doing it. We are committed to keep doing it for as long as we are able, or until Jesus Christ returns.

References:

Gunderson, D. (2020, June 13). 10 reasons to come back to church after COVID-19. Crossway. https://www.crossway.org/articles/10-reasons-to-come-back-to-church-after-covid-19/

Rainer, T.S. (2020, June 1). Five reasons you need to get back in the habit of church attendance. Church Answers. https://churchanswers.com/blog/five-reasons-you-need-to-get-back-in-the-habit-of-church-attendance/

Crocheted Bible "Sweater"

Reading your Bible a lot can lead to wear and tear. For this reason, I have always liked using a Bible cover. My parents gave me a nice cover for my current Bible, but I was curious if I could also crochet one. I searched for a few patterns, and then found one that I altered.

Basically, I crocheted a long rectangle and then slip stitched the corners together to make flaps into which I could tuck the Bible covers. I then slip stitched the edges in between to make it look even.

Not perfect, but it will cover the Bible. I think the color blocking I did makes the cover look like a sweater, hence calling it a Bible "Sweater." I used my size J Boye ergonomic crochet hook again. I followed the book cover pattern at Me 'N My Hook, but since I used a J hook, my gauge was much larger. (This worked to my advantage, since I was covering a fairly large study Bible. I used Red Heart saffron yarn, and some random red yarn my husband had. (He knits with it!) All in all, I think I am satisfied with this project. (If anyone needs a Bible cover, comment below. I can probably perfect this pattern and whip out a few more fairly quickly.

Here's to reading our Bibles more, and if needed, covering them to protect and preserve their contents for future use!

Real Life Marriage: The Value of the Word

Marriage is not easy. If you go the way of the world and choose marriage to make you happy, you soon find yourself disappointed. If you go with the Christian idea that marriage is supposed to make you holy, not happy, you miss the joy. To have a good marriage, you must be a student of the Word. I knew this in theory when I got married. In real life, I find myself needing to return to the Word again and again.

God's Word tells me that marriage has value. Genesis shows that it was not good for man to be alone (Gen 2:18), and how God created woman as man's helper. Ephesians 5 reflects the created order of marriage, and how marriage images Christ's relationship with the church. Proverbs and Ecclesiastes show how marriage can be a source of joy. Marriage is a good thing. When times are hard and days are dark, I need that reminder from a source of truth. God's Word is that truth.

The Word tells me who I am supposed to be as a wife, and how I can be a blessing to my husband's life. Noble and prudent are some of the adjectives that describe the wife that is a blessing in the Old Testament (Prov 12:4, 19:14). The New Testament tells me about submitting to and respecting my husband (Eph 5:22-33; Col 3:18). These are not things that come naturally to me. I need reminders.

Reading the Bible convicts me of the many ways that I fail as a wife. I fail when I disgrace my husband (Prov 12:4). I fail when I am quarrelsome (Prov 19:13). To be unfaithful is to fail not only my husband, but also God. I want to do neither.

I would like to say that I know everything the Bible has to say about marriage. The reality is that I don't. I need the Word. I need its truth. I need its correction. The Word has immense value, most of all because it leads me to the author of marriage, and the author of life, God the Father, and He is of the greatest value!

How to Motivate Yourself to Read Scripture (Based on Your Tendency)

 

Daily Bible reading. It's one of the best things I can recommend to stay centered. It helps me find perspective. It encourages me, convicts me, gives me hope. I have several generations of Bible readers in my family, so I am blessed in that I have seen many ways to make Bible reading work. The key is to figure out what motivates you, and then use that to your advantage.

My best friend recommends that I read The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin (2017) last year, and it has revolutionized the way I look at motivation. The book lays out the four tendencies, or motivation styles, of most people. There are the upholders, who meet inner and outer expectations (Rubin, n.d.). They just want to know what to do. Questioners meet internal expectations. They need to know why to do something.  Obligers meet outer expectations. They need other people. Rebels don't uphold any expectations. They want freedom to do their own thing, the thing that fits for them. (To find out which you are, take the quiz at Gretchen Rubin's website.) What's that got to do with Bible reading? Well, once you know how you are motivated, you can figure out how to get committed to the centering habit of daily Bible reading.

I am an upholder, so habits are fairly easy for me. Personally, I just need a plan, and having itout in front of me keeps me on it. I'm not bragging. It's just the way I am. (And there are some definite downsides to this trait!) I personally use the One Year Bible daily reading plan (n.d.), but there are others just like it that lay out what to read each day of the year. There are even apps that will deliver a daily Bible reading (or daily Bible reading recording) to you each day. Did you know it only takes 12 minutes of reading a day to get through the Bible in one year (Crossway, 2018)? That right there is motivation enough for me to read daily!

But what if you're a questioner? Good question! Find your reason why. I could give you reasons to read the Bible, but you'd probably just question them, so I encourage you to find your own. Once you do, there can be no turning back.

If you are an obliger, ask a friend, partner, or child to join you in daily Bible readings. (Maybe even set aside a daily time to meet and discuss, either virtually or in person?) There are also online communities such as Facebook's Twelve Minutes (n.d.) group that you can join. Just find your people, and read the Bible with them. It might just become a center point in your relationships.

If you're a rebel, decide if you really believe that reading Scripture matters. For that matter, search the scripture to see what it says about your relationship to it. Talk to your pastor. Question close friends. Figure out if this is really for you or not. If it is, do it. If not, figure out your own centering practice.

I am embarking on the centering practice of reading through the Bible once again this year. The habit of reading the Bible grounds my days, and the content of what I read grounds my mind. God always has something new to show me through reading His Word, and I am here for it. Will you join me?

References:

Crossway. (2018, November 19). Infographic: You have more time for Bible reading than you think. https://www.crossway.org/articles/infographic-you-can-read-more-of-the-bible-than-you-think/

One Year Bible. (n.d.). The One Year Bible Daily Reading Plan. One year Bible online. https://oneyearbibleonline.com/daily-oyb/?version=51&startmmdd=0101

Rubin, G. (2017). The four tendencies: The indispensable personality profiles that reveal how to make your life better (And other people's lives better, too). Harmony.

Rubin, G. (n.d.). The four tendencies quiz. Gretchen Rubin. https://gretchenrubin.com/quiz/

Rubin, G. (n.d.). A guide to "The four tendencies" personality framework. The Happiness Project. https://the-happiness-project.com/blogs/tools/four-tendencies-guide

Twelve minutes. (n.d.). In Facebook [Community page]. Retrieved December 28, 2022 from https://www.facebook.com/groups/twelveminutes/.

Centered.

"New Year; new you" is not how I roll. I am not about reinventing myself, or trying to adhere to strict diets, or protocols, or lifestyles as a way to start a new year. Been there. Done that. It doesn't work.

What I am about is intention. I see the new year as a chance to re-examine, re-configure, and re-focus. As I re-examined my goals for last year, I see that I had to many. I didn't make big goals, but I made a lot of little, very specific goals. I accomplished a lot of them, but not all of them. That leads me to see that this year, I need to simplify, again. There is nothing wrong with goals, but I need to be able to accomplish them.

Once again this year, I need to reconfigure to focus on what matters. We've had life changes, major budget expenditures, illness and more this past year. These lead us to need to regroup and perhaps do things differently.

I particularly want to re-focus. I don't think I have lost my center per se, so much as focused on too many things that did not matter as much as I thought they did. Everything tends to be urgent and/or a crisis for me. My husband often reminds me that it is not. That does not always help in the moment, though. What I need is to have both a larger perspective and a smaller focus. I need to be able to accommodate more of the unexpected while remaining tied to what matters. Because what matters is what keeps me centered. When I am centered, I believe I am of more use to God, others, and even myself.

So on that note, here's to a more centered 2023, and perhaps a few more blog posts along that topic.

Happy New Year!