Maybe I've Been Wrong....

I can be pretty harsh in assessing judgments and motives. If I listen, the Holy Spirit usually leads me to tune in and re-evaluate, but my first instinct is often to think the worst. And so it has been for me with gifts much of my life. I like gifts, don't get me wrong, but I have sometimes seen big gifts as trying to win affection or favor. Maybe I've been wrong. Maybe they're just expressing love in their love language, because gift-giving is a way to show love. What if I took it as that?

I started thinking this way after a big gift from my husband. It was a very, very nice gift, and it still left me feeling unsettled. I could not quite discern why. I know I felt unworthy. I know I didn't like the price tag of the gift (which I saw, because we share a budget). I worried that I would somehow break the gift. But there was somehow more. But then that old stuff came up: judgments of people, past experiences where someone gave big gifts, when I really needed something more intangible: connection, affirmation, time, etc. But then I had to remind myself that my husband is not them. He loves me well and he only buys me big gifts when we can afford them. He buys me nice things because he wants me to have them and believes they will be useful. He gives me big gifts because he loves me. His love in other ways is not lacking, either.

I may also struggle with because big gifts are not my love language. Big gifts were few and far between in my growing up life, and as a saver, it's hard for me to spend a lot of money all at once. And I would rather be served or have little gifts a lot of the time. Service is my own giving love language. But we're all different. What if a person can love well and give gifts? Shouldn't that be okay? Shouldn't I let them? Shouldn't I affirm them and thank them? I'm afraid I've been wrong about a lot of gifts and gift-giving. It's not the gift, but the heart that matters. May God, in His grace, allow me to look for that.